


Unleashed

by Dark Star Of Chaos (DarkDecepticon)



Series: Unleashed [2]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Depression, Flashbacks, Forced care, Manipulation, Other, Physical Abuse, Psychological Horror, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reprogramming, Slavery, Trauma, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Victim Blaming, psychological abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-17 12:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2310305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkDecepticon/pseuds/Dark%20Star%20Of%20Chaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starscream always thought he would rather die than be reprogrammed. So when his worst nightmare comes true, all he wants is to escape. But the situation isn't what it seems, and a secret plot threatens to throw the Decepticons into upheaval. Before all is said and done, loyalties will be tested, choices will be made, and nothing will ever be the same again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freedom Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been thinking about for awhile, but I only recently figured out the beginning. For the purpose of this story, the Robo-Smasher was a hoax. Also, I wanted to say that I don't hate Soundwave. He's actually one of my favorite Decepticons. But he does do some pretty evil things here, so feel free to hate him yourselves.
> 
> Warning: This story contains hacking, which is considered by some to be a form of transformer rape. If you are one of them, and don't like or can't handle rape, you may not want to read this story. If you do, proceed with caution.

You're awake in your darkest dream  
I have come for you   
And nobody will hear you scream   
When I reach for you

"Dying For an Angel" - Avantasia

* * *

 

The last thing any of the Decepticons wanted to hear after an energy raid gone wrong was Starscream and Megatron arguing again. Unfortunately, if predictably, they were doing just that.

Soundwave's unseen face was set in a dark frown as he watched his superiors hurl abuse at each other. He wished Starscream would stop using the Command Center for these confrontations. But there was no chance of that happening, because the main purpose of these verbal attacks was to destroy Megatron’s reputation, not to solve problems. Without an audience, Starscream had no reason to risk Megatron's wrath like this.

It was shameful how easily he let his obsessions override his common sense. Apart from the fact that his efforts were damaging his own reputation, past experience should have taught him that discrediting Megatron would only embolden every ambitious mech in the army who wanted command for themselves. Starscream was smart enough to know that, but he was so focused on dethroning Megatron that he just didn't care how much his actions weakened the Decepticons as a whole.

In the end it didn't matter. No one listened to Starscream anymore, even when he was right. He'd failed too many times for anyone to put faith in him, and the only reason Soundwave reached for his mind now was to make sure he wasn’t planning anything stupid.

It had been a long time since Soundwave had been able to dig freely through Starscream's mind, but his emotional state seemed normal - or normal for him, anyway. He was almost always angry of late, and that intense mix of hatred and fear was always seething below the surface when Megatron was near. More unusual was the nervous wariness Soundwave could sense as he brushed Starscream’s consciousness, but that was easily explained: recently Megatron had been considering a new method of keeping Starscream under control, and said Seeker had grown suspicious. He knew something was in the wind, even if he didn't know what, and it was making him restless.

But for now all seemed well, so Soundwave dropped the mental probe, deciding the odds of Starscream doing something regrettable were almost non-existent. Almost. Truth be told, "almost" wasn't good enough when it came to Starscream; he was so emotional that he practically defied logic, and so impulsive that even Soundwave didn't always know what he would do until he did it. That spontaneity made him dangerous, especially since no one, Autobot or Decepticon, genuinely saw him as a threat.

No one except Soundwave. He knew there was more to Starscream than an abrasive personality and endless hunger for power, though he preferred others to think differently. Particularly Megatron, whom Soundwave had carefully led to believe that Starscream was delusional and unbalanced. It wasn’t a lie, really, and it had saved Starscream's life many times when his treachery could otherwise have meant a death sentence.

Nevertheless, keeping him alive would be considerably easier once Soundwave was allowed to... _adjust_ his programming. One might say it was an extreme method of controlling him, but it was also the most effective solution. All Soundwave needed to do was convince Megatron of that, which shouldn't be hard after this latest confrontation.

As Soundwave watched, the argument turned physical. One blow brought Starscream to the floor, and as usual, he was quick to back down. But no sooner had Megatron turned away in disgust than Starscream’s face twisted into a snarl of rage.

Soundwave tensed at the sight, half-expecting Megatron to get a null ray to the back. But Starscream just climbed to his feet, sweeping his gaze around the ring of watching Decepticons before glaring after Megatron.

"I'm beginning to think you don't _want_ this war to end," Starscream snapped, jabbing a finger at his back. "You've had plenty of chances to kill Prime since we wound up on this planet, but you never do it! If you're such a wonderful leader, Megatron, then why is Optimus Prime still alive?"

"As usual, you speak of things you don't understand," Megatron said coldly. "You're a greater fool than I thought if you truly believe killing Prime would end this war."

"Then why are you so obsessed with him?" Starscream demanded. "You're the leader! You should be defeating the Autobots, not wasting time on some stupid rivalry!"

"Perhaps you should take your own advice, Starscream. You would be so much more effective."

Starscream's response was an indignant squawk which Megatron treated with the contempt it deserved. Without a glance at his Second, Megatron ordered, "Soundwave, come with me," and swept from the room. Soundwave obeyed wordlessly, though not without first making an appraisal of the assembled minds as he left. Finding nothing to suggest that Starscream's words had affected the other Decepticons in the slightest, he put the incident from his own mind.

The two of them walked in silence until they reached Megatron's office. It was a large room, but mostly empty; a single chair behind a steel desk was the extent of the furnishings, while a wide window in the far wall gave a view of the dark water outside. Megatron went to the window and looked out, forcing his anger down until he had regained control. Then, without turning away from cold depths, he spoke.

"I've given your proposal much thought, Soundwave. But while I agree Starscream would be easier to deal with if he was reprogrammed, I question whether he would still be able to carry out his duties as my Second. He's effective when he wants to be, and I don't need another Skywarp."

There was a hard note in his voice that warned Soundwave to answer carefully if he wanted this to go in his favor. Gathering himself, he reached for Megatron's mind and said, "Starscream's effectiveness would not be compromised. Suggestion: program him to obey you. Lay down rules to limit his behavior, but give him permission to act freely within those parameters."

Megatron frowned, his expression clearly reflected in the window. "Can't you just remove his rebelliousness entirely?"

"Negative. Rebellion is a spark trait."

From the look on his face Megatron had only a vague idea of what that meant, but he didn't question it. He was silent for several long moments more, then finally turned to Soundwave and nodded. "Do it tonight then. But remember - I do not need a glorified drone."

Soundwave inclined his head, smiling under his mask. "Affirmative."

* * *

 

Starscream growled in frustration as he slammed his hands down on his desk. What was _wrong_ with the idiots in this base? He had just pointed out a massive blind spot in Megatron's leadership, had gone on about it at length once the mech in question left, and _still_ they laughed at him for suggesting that he could do better! When he left the Command Center, Scrapper and Astrotrain had been arguing over which of _them_ would make a better leader!

It was infuriating. Starscream dragged his fingers over the desktop, taking angry satisfaction in the screech of metal on metal, then shoved himself up and started pacing. His optics swept his quarters, searching for something he could take his anger out on, but there was nothing. The possessions he cared about were in his lab, and aside from the desk, a chair and his berth, he'd long since destroyed everything he'd owned. Snarling, he returned to the desk and hooked the chair with his foot, pulling it out and dropping into it.

What did he have to do to get some respect? Kill Optimus Prime himself? He'd tried that and it hadn't worked. He didn't think killing the Prime would end the war anyway, regardless of what he spat at Megatron. In fact, it was better for the Decepticons if Prime stayed leader because he was the most soft-sparked Autobot of all. Prowl was more ruthless, Ironhide more belligerent, and Jazz was just dangerous. Killing any of the officers _but_ Prime would improve the Decepticons' chances, really.

For a moment Starscream wondered if Megatron knew that, but he dismissed the notion. That would be giving him far too much credit.

Starscream muttered a curse and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. He was still angry, but being alone with his thoughts - and away from the source of his ire - had calmed him somewhat. He would just have to come up with a better way to expose Megatron’s idiocy to everyone.

Grumbling to himself, Starscream turned his thoughts to the subject of Megatron’s demise. It was a pleasant subject, and he allowed his mind free reign.

Half an hour later he was deep in the middle of an unrealistic yet enjoyable fantasy involving a tar pit, a boulder and a catapult, when his thoughts were scattered by the high-pitched beep of the door buzzer. He straightened in his chair with an annoyed growl, optics narrowing as they found the door. It was no secret around the base that he didn't welcome visitors to his quarters, and he hadn't yet lost so much of the troops' respect that they would bother him needlessly. Whoever was out there must either be clueless or else very sure that their interruption was worth it.

For several seconds Starscream debated whether or not to answer the door, finally deciding against it. He could hear no panicked screaming or explosions, so whatever the other mech wanted couldn't possibly be important enough to warrant his attention. One of the subcommanders could handle it.  

He was just turning back to his thoughts when another sharp beep cut through the silence. The sound was followed by the soft, whining hum of Starscream's weapons systems coming online. His bad mood had never quite left, and now he felt it returning full force.  

"Unless we're under attack or Megatron is dying, I don't care!" he shouted impatiently. "Go away!"

"Negative," came the slightly muffled reply. "This is important."

Soundwave. Starscream scowled, but powered down his weapons. Megatron's most loyal pet, doubtless here to scold him for disrupting the oh-so-important hierarchy of the Decepticons. It had happened before, more during his early days as Air Commander than recently, but apparently Starscream had caused enough trouble lately to earn another lecture. He almost told Soundwave to save it until morning, but stopped himself. Soundwave was patient enough to stand out there all night, and the last thing Starscream wanted was the creepiest mech in the _Victory_ lurking outside while he was trying to recharge.

"I've already told you what I consider important," he said instead, raising his voice to be heard through the door. "If it's not on the list, leave me alone."

"Soundwave: acting on Megatron's orders."

In other words, if Starscream didn't hear him out, Megatron would get involved. Muttering a curse, Starscream stood and transmitted a silent command to open the door, which slid aside to reveal the Communications Officer.

Soundwave was as inscrutable as ever stepping into the room. Or was he? Did that red visor glow a bit more brightly than usual? Was that steady stride a little more purposeful? Without knowing why, Starscream found himself feeling uneasy, and he cast a nervous glance at the door when it shut behind Soundwave.

"So what does our glorious leader want?" he asked, trying to still the nervous twitching of his wings. Soundwave gave no response, just walked toward him, and Starscream took an involuntary step back.

"Megatron wishes you reprogrammed."

Starscream stared at Soundwave, unable to believe his audios. Then he scrambled backward, his weapons aimed at his fellow officer's chest to halt his advance. "That's insane! He can't reprogram me! It's too risky, and I'm too valuable!"

"Resistance: useless. Suggestion: don't fight me."

"Forget that! I'm _not_ going to let you do this to me. Now get out of my quarters!"

Soundwave made no attempt to leave. He just stood there, watching, and Starscream had to repress a shiver as a chill went through him. It was coupled with the familiar anxiety of having someone between him and an escape route, and he carefully circled around Soundwave until he was about a wing's length from the door. Not once did he drop his gaze or his rifles from the silent intruder, though Soundwave did nothing more than turn in place to keep him in sight.

"I don't know where Megatron got the idea to reprogram me, but it isn't going to happen," Starscream hissed, pinging the door with a command to open. He backed away, toward escape and freedom. "He'll never consider this again once I've explained the risks _you_ clearly didn't!"

His back hit metal. The door? Pinging it again, he darted a glance backward to see what the problem was.

_The door hadn't opened._

Starscream jerked his gaze back to the front, but too late. Soundwave slammed into him, knocking his rifles aside and crushing him against the door. He grunted in pain, but had no time to resist before he was pinned tightly. An instant later, Starscream realized he was trapped. He hurled his weight sideways in a desperate twist. But Soundwave caught hold of his intake, forcibly thrusting him back into place before he could escape. With a stab of panic, Starscream realized he was outweighed and outpowered.

"It will happen," Soundwave said, a hard edge to his monotonous voice.

Starscream snarled and brought his heel down on Soundwave's foot, igniting his thruster. Flames burst forth, searing over plating not made to withstand such heat. Soundwave recoiled as he was burned, giving Starscream a chance to headbutt him in the face. In that moment of disorientation, Starscream threw his weight against Soundwave and sent him reeling backward. But the force of the maneuver overbalanced him, and they crashed to the floor in a heap, Starscream on top. He drove his fist into the masked face. Soundwave rolled backwards, redirecting their momentum to throw him off. Starscream's head hit the foot of his berth hard before he dropped back to the floor.

Starscream was dazed from the impact, but the terror thrumming through his circuits allowed him no time to recover. He climbed shakily to his knees, stabilizing himself with an arm braced against the berth's edge, and raised his head. Soundwave was already back on his feet, the dark planes of his frame blurring into the harsh glare of the ceiling lights. The burning visor was the only detail Starscream could make out clearly as Soundwave took a limping step toward him, looking exactly like a predator looming over its prey.

Starscream recoiled with a cry, his free arm shooting up to point straight at Soundwave's chest. But Soundwave moved at the same time he did, twisting to one side and avoiding the searing blast of his laser by a scant inch. Before Starscream could fire again, Soundwave knocked his weapon aside and seized the tip of his wing. Then he pivoted and Starscream cried in pain as he was dragged away from the berth's support. Soundwave threw his full weight against his unsteady opponent, crushing the captured wing between their frames and sending them back to the floor. Starscream shrieked again as his other wing hit first, giving away under their combined weight with a sharp _crack_ and a sensation like fire.

For several seconds Starscream squirmed and bucked, unable to think of anything except getting the weight off of his broken wing. But Soundwave kept him trapped on his side, lying on him to hold him still. The thought that he should stop fighting drifted through Starscream's mind, but he _knew_ it wasn't his, and he struggled all the harder.

"Desist," Soundwave ordered. "You will only hurt yourself more."

Starscream's only reply was a static-laced curse before he switched his comm unit on, hoping to call Skywarp to help him. But all he heard was more static, and an icy feeling gripped his spark. His communications were being blocked.

He was on his own.

A hand came down on the side of his head, pushing his face against the floor, and all vestiges of rational thought fled. He writhed under his attacker, threatening and pleading in equal measure, terrified by the knowledge of what was coming. But Soundwave was unmoved by either words or struggles, and within moments fingers were brushing over the back of his head, opening an access panel. Then Soundwave plugged into him, and he knew it was over.

The presence at the edge of his mind was barely tangible at first, but he scarcely had time to shrink back before it ripped through his primary firewalls. He gasped harshly, body going rigid as it poured into his mind. Soundwave was sharp and focused, calm in the manner of the frozen tundra, and with just as little mercy. It was so alien, so utterly not-Starscream, that his first instinct was to flee. Then, as the intruder started breaking down his secondary firewalls, he attacked instead.

If it had been a simple battle of wills, or if Soundwave had been less experienced, Starscream might have won through sheer frenzied intensity. But Soundwave had been hacking minds since the war began, and Starscream had no idea how to force him out. The foreign awareness didn't fight back, but it was also too strong for him to dislodge. He made a desperate grab for the cable, but Soundwave knocked his hands away, pinning them down with one arm. Soundwave's head came to rest against one intake, safe from attack, yet close enough that Starscream couldn't simply shake the cable free. That didn't stop him from trying, but eventually he subsided, and his mental resistance faded along with his physical efforts. As he laid there, trembling, Soundwave began probing his mind. Starscream could only offline his optics, fighting the urge to cry.

_-Relax,-_ Soundwave said in a thought-voice that lacked the flat, hollow tone of his real one. _-You will not be harmed.-_

_-Define 'harmed',-_ Starscream hissed, his own thought-voice weak. His wing was a burning line of agony where it pressed into the floor, and he stirred restlessly despite his exhaustion, still trying to alleviate the pain. _-Because right now I feel harmed!-_

The one-way connection gave Starscream no access to Soundwave's mind, so he knew the regret he sensed a moment later had to have been deliberately shared. But because it _was_ deliberate, he didn't trust that it was genuine. He tried to withdraw mentally, to find some safe corner of his mind where Soundwave couldn't reach him. But it was to no avail, and he soon gave up.

Something that felt distinctly like approval touched him through the connection, and for a moment he was torn between shock and an unexpected desire for more. Then he remembered himself and shrank back. He tried to curl up, to protect himself in some small way, but the attempt was as painful as it was futile.

"Be still," Soundwave ordered quietly as Starscream settled again, whimpering. "You will be fine. There is no reason to be frightened."

"That's slag," Starscream rasped, straining up against Soundwave's chest a final time before slumping back and going limp. "Stop playing nice and just _do_ it if you're going to. Just... get it over with..." His voice died and he turned his face away, trying hard to ignore the barely-felt pulsing of Soundwave's spark. The steady rhythm was comforting on a level that went beyond programming, and it sickened him to even acknowledge the fact.

"Upload: thirty-seven percent complete," Soundwave stated. A small tremor went through Starscream's frame, but he remained still now, even as Soundwave's free hand began rubbing his upper back. He didn't know what was uploading into him, but he did know it was too late to stop it.

He was already being changed...

* * *

 

Soundwave studied Starscream's coding carefully while he waited for the programs he'd written to upload. The obedience program would have to be tied in with the rest of Starscream's social programs, and he needed to figure out how it would all fit together. New coding had to be integrated carefully to minimize problems, and it was especially important now, when Starscream already had trouble with his social center. Any mistake and his anti-virus software would delete the foreign code - assuming it didn't crash his system immediately.

It looked like that was a possibility anyway, however, considering the state of Starscream's social coding. Most of it was functional, but there were a few holes, as though some lines of code had been randomly deleted. Most likely it was the result of a virus, but if the damage had ever been repaired, the patch had been applied poorly enough that his anti-virus software had stripped it out again.

Soundwave briefly considered repairing some of the holes himself, but decided against it. This was old damage, and Starscream could clearly function without the extra code. Besides, the new programs Soundwave was installing would place enough strain on his processor, even if they integrated smoothly. If they didn't... well, Soundwave wanted to keep processor crashes to a minimum.

When the upload finished, Soundwave entered the required data to activate the obedience program, placing Starscream under Megatron's control. And _then_ he set the activation requirements for the sleeper program that would turn control of the program over to Soundwave when the time came. With any luck he would have Starscream won over by then.

Starscream seemed to have grown calm by the time Soundwave withdrew from his mind. He was still shaking, but the terror had been replaced by a numb emptiness. It was a normal response to trauma, and a small part of Soundwave was sorry for causing it. But Starscream would benefit from this in the long run, so it was hard to feel truly guilty.

Soundwave unplugged his data cable and let it coil back into his head before closing Starscream's access panel. Then he pushed himself carefully off of the smaller frame, not expecting an attack, but prepared for the possibility. When Starscream gave no sign of even noticing the return of his freedom, Soundwave eased him onto his back and turned a studious gaze on his broken wing. The pale surface was marred by a long crack that ran straight down the middle, neatly bisecting the purple symbol there. The main spars had also snapped, but there was no energon, and none of the ribs had twisted. There must have been a pre-existing fracture for it to have broken so cleanly. It would be easy enough to repair, even for a non-medic, and Soundwave hadn't meant to actually hurt Starscream. He could fix it given the chance.

He laid a careful hand on the quivering appendage, and was unsurprised when Starscream jerked at his touch. Dim, frightened optics flickered online, focusing on him with obvious effort. Soundwave had never seen Starscream look at anyone in quite the same way, but he had seen this look on other faces before, and it no longer bothered him. He'd actually expected a worse reaction, though it was possible that Starscream was simply too tired. Mental exhaustion went far deeper than the physical kind.

It wasn't until Soundwave pulled a box of tools from his subspace that Starscream seemed to rouse himself. He made a strangled sound and smacked the hand from his wing, then scrambled away with the clumsiness of one who was utterly drained. He yelped when he collided with the side of the berth, but remained huddled against it, shielding his injury with his body. Soundwave reached out again, but Starscream hissed at him, good wing rising in a silent warning.

"Get out," he rasped, optics burning even as his voice threatened to break. "You've already _ruined_ me... isn't that enough?"

For a moment Soundwave merely gazed at him in silence. Then he stood slowly and stepped back, deciding Starscream couldn't take any more right now. "Rest then," he said, shutting off his short-range comm jammer. He was slightly disappointed that his help had been rejected, but not surprised. He would just have to handle Starscream carefully, and make sure Megatron took the blame for reprogramming him. The plan would never work if Starscream discovered that Soundwave had been the instigating force behind Megatron's decision.

Without another word, Soundwave took his leave. He felt neither remorse nor triumph for tonight's outcome, only the satisfaction of a plan coming together. Starscream would be fine once he calmed down and started thinking logically again, and he could fix his own wing if he didn't want to visit the med bay. Let the moralists say what they wished, but more often than not, the ends justified the means. That was simply how life worked.

So Soundwave left, not sparing a backward glance for the mech he had hurt. Once he was gone, Starscream dragged himself into a corner and drew his limbs firmly to his chest, shaking so badly that his wings rattled against the walls. Each small impact was painful, but not nearly so much as the knowledge of what had been done to him. A soft keen escaped his vocalizer and he buried his face in his arms to muffle any further noises.

It would be a long time before he moved again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't seen many stories like this one, so feedback is appreciated. Also, I'm not sure Soundwave has a communications jammer, but given his roll as Communications Officer, he should. So he does.


	2. Nightmares Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starscream isn't taking things well.

Now there's a haze   
Pushing me sideways   
And leaving me nothing to gain   
Taking me back   
Locking me cold in   
Disparity

“Unleashed” - Epica

* * *

 

Starscream stared blankly at the wall opposite him, optics dim above his folded arms. His shaking had stopped some time earlier, but he was still curled up in the same corner, and feeling sicker with every passing hour. His head hurt, his wing hurt, and while his systems were running hot from stress, his mind still felt chilled from Soundwave's presence.

He could handle the physical discomfort, which was strangely distant anyway. But the mental taint was as inescapable now as it had been when Soundwave entered his mind.

He had never felt so weak in his life. Nothing Megatron had ever done to him, no punishment or unjust accusation, had  _ ever _ made him feel this way. It was all he could do not to purge when he thought about how easily Soundwave had defeated him. Justifications offered themselves one after another: Soundwave was bigger, stronger, better prepared, Starscream hadn't had enough room to maneuver. It was all true, but it only made him feel worse.

If Soundwave knew anything about the responsible side of changing code, he would be back to make sure the new programming was properly integrated, and to work on it if it wasn't. Starscream didn't want to be hacked again, but if he couldn't stop it once, what chance did he have a second time? What if an error, or even a glitch, emerged because of coding conflict? How many sessions would it take to fix it?

How often would this nightmare be repeated?

Starscream pressed his lips together as his fuel tanks threatened to empty. The only thing worse than being hacked was not knowing what, exactly, Soundwave had uploaded. What was going to happen to him now? Would the new programming simply force him to obey orders, or would it affect his mind? How would he be able to trust himself if he didn't even know which  _ thoughts _ were his own?

It was too much. He groaned and lurched forward, landing heavily on his hands and knees just before purging violently. The sudden movement sent a fresh jolt of pain through his wing, forcing a ragged sound from his throat that quickly turned to choking. By the time the fit ended his arms could barely support him. His wings hung so low that the tips brushed the floor. He was alone, but he felt vulnerable, threatened. A soft keening reached his audios, but this time he didn't try to muffle it.

He wanted so badly not to be alone right now. If he wasn't so damaged he wouldn't have to be. He would have a Trine that actually  _ cared _ about him. Instead he had Skywarp and Thundercracker, and he knew they barely tolerated him. He couldn't remember exactly when they turned on him and didn't really understand how it had happened, but it had. Thundercracker hated him now, and Skywarp just didn't care anymore.

For a brief moment a spark of anger burned amidst the despair. But it was gone as quickly as it had come, unable to find fuel in his exhausted mind. He couldn't blame them for not caring after the way he treated them. It was his fault that he was alone now, just as it was his fault that Soundwave had been able to reprogram him. He should have fought harder.

The justifications rushed back to the surface as logic tried to show him exactly why he had been doomed from the start. But all it did was feed his despair and bring back the fear.

* * *

 

5:00 AM, human local time. A little early for an off-duty mech to be up and about, especially the day after a battle, but for Soundwave it was business as usual. And today he had good reason to be up early: Megatron would want to see the results of the reprogramming, and Soundwave needed to check on Starscream before then. He was an experienced programmer, but no amount of skill would change the fact that Starscream was going to have a hard time for a while.

Soundwave strode through the dim hallways toward Starscream’s room, his unseen frown at odds with his purposeful stride. Fliers were well known for being difficult to work on because they had so many programs grounders lacked. That meant more things to go wrong, and that was saying a lot considering how many problems a bad change could create in the simplest system. Few programmers would willingly work on a damaged Seeker like Starscream, and the more Soundwave thought about it, the grimmer he became.

Obedience programs, like all shell programs, were not generally harmful. They worked with the system instead of against it, and if coding conflict arose, the original programs would be allowed to function unhindered to avoid errors. As long as reprogrammed bots obeyed orders and made no attempt to harm their registered masters, they could live their lives without any negative impact from their coding.

Starscream was unlikely to follow those rules. And every time the program had to enforce proper behavior, any underlying problems would come to the surface.

That wasn't always a bad thing; errors and minor glitches could be excellent deterrents for those who would otherwise disobey constantly. But they could also be dangerous in certain circumstances, and a glitch in the middle of battle could be a death sentence. It would be safer to fix any problems that arose.

It actually helped that Starscream was missing a lot of code - it left fewer chances for conflict - but it also meant his system had established a careful balance to maintain as much normal functioning as possible. The new program would upset that balance every time it activated, potentially causing glitches that couldn't be easily fixed. Eventually a new balance would be established, but it would take a long time if Soundwave didn't help it along.

Soundwave had left Ravage outside Starscream's room to keep an optic on him during the night, and he was glad to see his eldest creation sitting by the door when he arrived. Starscream was still inside, then, and hopefully resting. But Ravage looked ill at ease, so Soundwave knew it wasn't likely.

"Ravage," he greeted softly. "Status report?"

Ravage gave the door behind him a hard stare before redirecting his gaze to Soundwave. "Starscream isn't handling this well,” he said bluntly. "He spent the whole night crying, and I think he purged a couple times. It's only been maybe half an hour since he quieted."

Soundwave acknowledged the words with a nod and called Ravage back, choosing to ignore his tone. Once he was safely docked Soundwave reactivated his comm scrambler, keyed open the door with an override code, and re-entered Starscream's room.

He found Starscream curled up in a corner next to a puddle of energon, confirming Ravage’s words. The hazy, indistinct form of Starscream’s emotions told Soundwave that he was recharging, though not well judging by the negative emotions in his field. His face was set in an ill grimace, but there were no other outward signs of distress.

Soundwave knelt by Starscream's head and set a hand on one intake, giving him a shake which earned nothing more than a soft groan. Starscream wasn't normally so dead to the world, but he wasn't normally so completely drained either, so Soundwave hadn't expected much. It might actually be better if he stayed out for a while; he needed the rest, and it would make Soundwave's job easier.

He plugged in carefully, pausing when Starscream stirred, then continuing when he settled again. The firewalls were lowered a few seconds later, giving Soundwave complete access to everything that made Starscream who he was. Personality traits stemmed from the spark, but it was memories and programming that determined how those traits were expressed. All it took was to alter those things, and Starscream would also change. Alternatively Soundwave could view anything, from the earliest memories to the most closely guarded secrets.

It was tempting, so  _ very _ tempting, to do some digging around. He wanted to know how much Starscream had been hiding all these years. But this was no time for spying. Starscream was currently lost in whatever dream he was having, but even a recharging mind would notice an intruder sooner rather than later. It was best that Soundwave to do what he came for.

He examined Starscream’s coding just as carefully as he had the night before, paying special attention to the programs that would be affected directly if the new one activated. It took time to do it properly, and he was only halfway through when something shifted, warning him that Starscream was aware of his presence. An instant later Starscream came online with a start, jerking back only to freeze with a yelp when the teeth of Soundwave's cable dug into his access port.

For a tense moment the two stared at each other. Soundwave held very still, unsure how Starscream would react to him and hoping it wouldn't be necessary to restrain him again. He watched Starscream's optics follow the length of the cable connecting them, and felt confusion give away to shocked disbelief, fear and anger as memories of the night before returned. Then what was happening in the present sank in, and Starscream's mouth fell open.

"You- While I was-  _ Soundwave _ !" Soundwave felt Starscream's intentions just before his hands shot up from under his wing. It was the only thing that allowed him to catch his wrists before he could rip the cable free.

"Desist," Soundwave ordered, pinning Starscream's hands to the floor. "I don't want to hurt you."

" _ Desist _ ?" Starscream repeated shrilly. "You're  _ hacking _ me while I'm recharging! If  _ that _ doesn't give me a right to freak out,  _ nothing  _ does!"

"Regardless, cooperation is advised."

At least he wasn't fighting yet, Soundwave mused. He was trembling, his wing was still folded down over his body, and possible escapes were flashing through his mind more quickly than Soundwave could interpret them, but he wasn't fighting. If anything he has struggling with  _ himself _ and his disgusted disbelief was winning out over his fear. Soundwave took the chance to resume his examination, though he continued to watch Starscream's racing thoughts.

Finally Starscream burst out, "What is  _ wrong  _ with you? I'm  _ damaged _ and no one had to tell  _ me _ that hardlining a recharging bot is wrong!"

"So is killing," Soundwave pointed out, frowning as he discovered a potential error. Starscream started to reply, but Soundwave cut him off. "Right and wrong have no place in war.”

"We're on the same side," Starscream hissed, trapped hands balling into fists. "Even in a war, that makes this  _ wrong _ ."

Soundwave sighed heavily and set to work on the problematic code. "What is wrong about this?" he asked, knowing the answer but wanting to distract Starscream from what he was doing. Starscream snarled, shaking his head in an effort to rid himself of the cable.

"It's a violation!" he snapped, now trying to free his hands. "Even if you weren't  _ reprogramming _ me, it's still hacking. Doing it while I'm recharging, when I can't even say 'no', is just..." He trailed off with a shudder as Soundwave leaned forward. It was to give the taut cable some slack, but Starscream didn't know that, and his struggles immediately ceased. He stared mutely up at Soundwave for a moment, then turned his head away and shut off his optics, venting shallowly.

"Don't be afraid," Soundwave murmered, rubbing his hands gently over Starscream’s forearms in an attempt to calm him. "I won't hurt you."

Starscream didn't believe him, of course. But Soundwave could afford to be patient. He already knew it would take a long time, but he hoped that one day he would gain Starscream's trust.

* * *

 

"I hate you," Starscream muttered, following Soundwave through the hallways. The words were barely audible, but he knew they were heard. He had never met a mech with such sensitive audios, except maybe Red Alert.

"Noted," Soundwave replied, and Starscream couldn't repress a shudder. Soundwave’s voice had never bothered him before, but now a single word was enough to conjure up memories of being pinned and invaded. He pushed them back down as quickly as they came, wanting nothing more than to pretend it had never happened. There was no way he could keep working with Soundwave if he didn't.

Starscream’s jaw tightened as he rubbed one forearm, wishing he could get the sensation of hands off his plating. He didn't understand Soundwave's behavior at all. Not that he ever could, but something was different this time. Something deeply unsettling. Part of it was Soundwave's insistence that he wouldn't be hurt - which was an obvious lie - but there was more to it than that.

Frag it. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about this. Starscream started rubbing his other arm and looked beyond Soundwave to Megatron's office door.

He didn't want to be here. He couldn't deal with Megatron on top of what had already happened today. But here he was, wing burning from fresh welds and tanks still deciding whether or not to expel the half-cube of energon he'd forced down. Escorted by his hacker to speak with his abuser.

Maybe if he purged he could hide in the med bay for a few hours.

The door slid open at their approach, and Starscream's gaze dropped to the floor. Bad enough that he had to listen to Megatron's gloating, he didn't want to see it too. He stopped just behind Soundwave and forced himself to stop clawing at his arms.

"Well, Soundwave, is it done?" Megatron asked. Starscream could feel his optics on him, just as clearly as he felt the phantom touches on his arms and head. There was no way he could get through this without some kind of breakdown. It was impossible.

"Reprogramming: successful," Soundwave said, making him flinch. "Starscream: fully obedient."

"We'll see about that." The groan and creak of metal warned Starscream that Megatron had left his chair. "Did he give you any trouble?"

"Affirmative. But it was futile."

Shame. Burning, tank-churning shame. But what did he have to be ashamed of?  _ He _ was the wronged party, so why did he feel like the one at fault?

"So you hacked him." Megatron's voice was closer now, and harder. "You had better not have caused any lasting damage. I have no use for a traumatized Second."

Starscream hunched his shoulders, wings low and quivering. Soundwave, however, seemed unfazed when he replied, "Chances of long-term damage: seven percent. The new program operates primarily through emotional influence. Emotions deemed harmful will be mitigated."

" _ What? _ " Starscream jerked his head up to stare at Soundwave, not wanting to believe what he'd just heard. "Are you  _ crazy? _ Do you have any  _ idea _ what you-"

"Starscream." A single warning word and a heavy hand on his wing. That was all it took to make him fall silent again. He shrank away from the contact, half-expecting pain and unwilling to be touched, then stilled when the hand tightened. For the first time since entering the room, he glanced up. Megatron didn't seem angry, but beyond that his expression was unreadable. Starscream looked away again, trembling lightly.

"I'm not sure this is an improvement," Megatron said skeptically. "Why is he acting like this?"

"Starscream: now driven to please you. However, the program doesn't know what you expect of him. Result: heightened anxiety. He will calm once core directives are programmed."

Heightened anxiety. Starscream felt like he was about to crash from stress, and Soundwave labeled it "heightened anxiety". The new program must not have been working right, because the sudden, violent desire to kill him didn't feel mitigated at all.

"Core directives?" Megatron repeated. "Shouldn't you have included those to begin with?"

"Soundwave: lacks authorization. Directives can only be accessed by registered master."

Starscream shut off his optics. Primus, this was just getting worse.

"Is that really necessary?"

"Affirmative. Directives require no expertise to program. Without protection anyone could change them."

"I don't remember things being so complicated when the Combaticons were reprogrammed."

"Circumstances: different. For Combaticons: simple programs were sufficient. For Starscream: such a program offers too much leeway."

"I see." Megatron finally released Starscream's wing and moved away, much to his relief.  "You're dismissed, Soundwave. I wish to speak to Starscream alone."

"As you command." Soundwave brushed passed Starscream, who couldn't help flinching away again, then the door slid shut behind him and silence fell. Starscream flicked his wings apprehensively, painfully aware of being alone with a mech he no longer knew how to respond to. He glanced up briefly, then looked away again when he realized he was being watched. His chronometer told him only a few seconds passed, but it felt like much longer before Megatron finally spoke.

"Well, Starscream? Don't you have anything to say about all this?" It wasn't asked in a gloating manner, or even an amused one, and it threw Starscream off. Megatron sounded perfectly serious, which was the last thing he'd expected. But it gave him hope that his opinion was actually being requested, and he took a moment to consider the question.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted at length, hating how small his voice sounded. He reset his vocalizer and forced himself to meet Megatron's gaze, trying not to look as pathetic as he felt. "Why did you do this to me? I haven't done anything, not since the Combaticons. So why...?" He trailed off and looked back to the floor, unable to continue.

"You haven't done anything  _ yet _ ," Megatron replied, "but we both know it's only a matter of time. Only a fool would believe exile had any lasting effect on you, and your behavior yesterday proves that it didn't.  _ Nothing _ ever has a lasting effect on you."

Starscream's optics narrowed, and he curled his hands into fists. He'd done nothing wrong the day before except remove his Seekers from the sky when the Autobots showed up with anti-aircraft weaponry. Fliers weren't as effective on the ground, but they'd done well enough until Megatron noticed and ordered them back into the air. The next thing they knew Thundercracker and Ramjet were both down, and Skywarp and Thrust almost got shot catching them. Megatron was forced to call the retreat, though of course he blamed the failed raid on Starscream. Starscream, in turn, had accused Megatron of paying too much attention to Optimus Prime and not enough to the other Autobots, and it all went downhill from there.

In retrospect, it had been a largely painless confrontation. If he hadn't been so angry he would have realized something was amiss. But at the time he hadn't even cared.

Now he was angry again, and it overrode his anxiety. He lifted his head and wings, face set in a defiant glare, and spat, "All I did was what  _ you _ should have done! The Autobots won because you couldn't take  _ three seconds _ to understand why we landed. You just sent right back into danger, and I honestly don't know who the bigger idiots are: You for ordering it, or the others for obeying!"

He was shouting by the end, even as he backed away from Megatron, who had left the desk to advance on him. Megatron still showed no signs of anger, though, which scared Starscream more than rage would have.

"You've proven my point perfectly," Megatron said as he backed Starscream into a wall. "All these years I've been lenient, no matter what you've done, and you repay me with defiance and treachery. You should be grateful to have your life."

Starscream winced as the shame made itself known again, and even though he was sure it was a product of Soundwave's program, it felt no less real. It  _ hurt _ to know Megatron was displeased with him, even as his logical mind insisted that he had no reason to feel that way.

A hand wrapped around his throat in a familiar crushing grip, and he reflexively clung to the large forearm as he was pushed back against the wall. "You have a habit of blaming others for your mistakes, so let me make something very clear," Megatron said, putting his face close to Starscream's. "This is  _ your _ fault.  _ You  _ chose to rebel,  _ you _ have tried again and again to kill me, and now  _ you _ will pay the consequences for your actions. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Starscream rasped, barely able to get it out. He felt like someone had taken a blade to his spark and carved the cruel words into the crystal. Megatron had effectively told him he  _ deserved _ to be hacked, and he was starting to believe it. Whether it was a natural result of the trauma or the new coding agreeing with Megatron, it didn't matter. The searing pain in his spark was there regardless.

After a few seconds of silent scrutiny, Megatron released his throat and stepped back. Starscream slumped against the wall, trying to control himself but shaking so much he could barely stand. To his horror his vents hitched slightly, a clear indicator of his approaching meltdown. He dared to hope it had gone unnoticed, but he was never that lucky.

"Did Soundwave do anything besides reprogram you?" Megatron asked, narrowed optics shifting briefly to Starscream's damaged wing. The implications of the question combined with Soundwave's strange behavior almost made Starscream purge then and there, especially when he remembered waking up with that cold presence in his head. Soundwave  _ had _ hurt him, and not just by breaking his wing; the comforting words and touches were painful in their own way, because he was sure the comfort offered was fake. That it was offered at all scared him almost as much as being reprogrammed, simply because he didn't know what Soundwave wanted from him. But Megatron wouldn't care about any of that.

"No," Starscream whispered, not trusting his voice enough to raise it. "Nothing."

* * *

 

Somehow Starscream made it through the rest of the meeting without a complete breakdown, but it was close. He left the room in a daze, upright through sheer force of will. He knew Megatron didn't believe nothing else had happened, and while the subject had been dropped, he hoped Soundwave would be kept away from him. Whatever he was after, it couldn't be good if he was playing nice.

Starscream needed to get out. He needed a place without walls or security cameras, a place where he could collapse without being seen or stumbled across. But his quarters and lab were both locations where he could be easily found, which left him with only one option.

Five minutes later he was in the air, not caring that it was unsafe to fly when he could barely walk. He was used to flying in poor conditions, both his own and those of the weather, and a small, dark part of him gloried in it. There was always a chance, however slight, that he would crash and burn on one of these ill-advised flights. That small part of him longed for the day it happened.

He was shaking badly again, despite being in altmode, which made it impossible to fly straight. It was like being caught in turbulence, except that no corrections he made would help. The best he could do was dip lower and avoid the wind currents higher up that would make things harder.

For a brief moment he considered shutting off his engines and just dropping. Then he pushed the thought back into the recesses of his mind where it came from and kept going. The urge returned when he reached the west coast of North America, and the presence of solid ground below made it harder to resist. But he was used to holding his darkest impulses at bay, and he shoved it down again.

He transformed above a forest clearing and landed awkwardly, falling heavily to his knees. He doubled over with a soft whimper, wrapping his arms around himself as though it would ease the pain in his spark. All he could hear was Megatron's voice telling him this was his fault. All he could feel were the internal wounds that hurt as much as any physical injury. Nothing else was real.

In the past he had always reacted to emotional pain by lashing out at whatever hurt him. Anger was his best defence, the only way he really knew to protect himself from others. But this time there was no one to get angry at, no one to blame but himself. This time he didn't know how to handle the pain.

Eventually the whimpers became sharp cries, his vents hitching with shuddering sobs. With nothing to hold his weaker emotions in check, they spilled from him in an uncontrolled rush. He finally lost the battle with his tanks and purged, splattering the ground with energon the Decepticons couldn't afford to lose. A small thing, but his turbulent state made it unbearable.

Eventually his exhaustion overtook him and he slumped sideways, curling up in the dirt without a second thought. His wing was throbbing thanks to his earlier flight, but he cared about that only slightly more than he cared about the grime on his plating.

He wished he could just erase the memories of the last fifteen hours, but it was too dangerous. From a medical standpoint, his mind could only take so much tampering before being damaged, and Soundwave had already pushed him over that limit. The risk of making the damage permanent wasn't worth the relief of not remembering. Medical reasons aside, he  _ needed _ those memories. He needed to remember that Soundwave could and would hurt him, and might do it again. If he deliberately ignored that, he would be asking for trouble.

Speaking of remembering, he was supposed to be on duty right now. He didn't want to move, but he forced himself to his feet, and then into the air. He never saw the small black and red shape that had followed him from base. But Laserbeak had seen everything, and while he had no fondness for Starscream, watching the proud Seeker fall apart had been unsettling. Now, gazing after Starscream from a tree, he found himself wondering if Soundwave had finally made a mistake.

 


	3. Webs Spun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After learning a few things about what happened to him, Starscream is desperate to find a way out. Soundwave takes advantage of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. Because of the way this chapter turned out, I'm officially raising the rating. Be warned for trauma, flashbacks, and other potentially triggering events from here on out.

How can you end my affliction   
If you're the sickness, not the cure

“Death of Me” - Red

* * *

 

Starscream had been through some truly awful things over the course of his life. He had lost Skyfire, then got his friend back just to lose him again. He had witnessed the destruction of his city. He didn't even know anymore how long he’d endured Megatron's abuse. All too often an influx of stress would leave him aggressively unbalanced for days or weeks at a time, unable to function in any socially acceptable manner. Through it all there was that self-destructive urge, a faint shadow lamenting his continued existence.

None of it could be measured against his first day as a reprogrammed mech. He had been able to regain some control of himself by the time he got back to base, but it was tenuous. He became tense and fidgety whenever Soundwave was in the same room, trying to discreetly watch him while snapping at anyone who interrupted. Several times he caught himself staring at a monitor or a datapad without seeing it, having been too lost in thought to pay attention to what he was doing. Once he looked up after such a lapse and realized Soundwave had entered the room without his awareness, which almost sent him into a panic.

Perhaps most disturbing was the way he reacted to Megatron's presence. It wasn't just that he felt steadier when Megatron was in the room, though that was bad enough. What really bothered him was the sense that everything would be okay as long as he did what he was told. The program wouldn't let him act against his new “master” anyway, but the feelings it stirred made him not even  _ want _ to. That, added to the strong desire for approval being instilled in him, was strange enough that he starting to feel ill again by the time his duty shift ended.

Being able to lock himself in his quarters at the end of the day should have been a relief. In some ways it was, because he was finally alone. But at the same time, he was afraid to be alone. Soundwave wasn't likely to try anything with other bots around, but on his own Starscream was a target. A prepared target maybe - he'd grabbed a bottle of acid from his lab - but still a target. What if Soundwave came while he was recharging again?

Starscream sat on the edge of his berth, elbows on his knees and a troubled frown on his face as he stared at the bottle in his hands. He didn't know what to do. He needed to rest, especially after his exertions the day before, but he didn't want to leave himself vulnerable. On the other hand,  _ not _ resting would do that anyway. One way or the other, he would lose.

The acid splashed against the sides of the bottle as he rolled it between his hands. He had always thought he would rather die than be reprogrammed. Nothing had ever seemed worse than being turned into someone he wasn't, with no way to resist. But his worst nightmare had come to life, and it wasn't what he'd expected.

It was  _ worse _ . He had never imagined how scared and weak he would feel after being hacked. Never thought he would feel so helplessly out of control that he would actually  _ want _ Megatron to tell him what to do, just to have a sense of stability. Then there was the simple strain of having his coding changed, which was giving him a headache. It all came together to form a reality worse than anything his imagination had ever produced.

His hands shook slightly as they tightened around the bottle.

He didn't want to live in fear. He didn't want to be enslaved to someone else. He  _ wanted _ to be himself, and if he couldn't do that... if that had been taken from him... What was left? Everything he had done with his life, every decision and mistake that had made him who he was... What did it matter if who he was could be taken away so easily?

He took a shuddering ventilation and subspaced the acid. He wanted it close at hand, but with his thoughts drifting toward some decidedly self-harmful uses for it, he no longer wanted to hold it. Instead he picked up the pair of datapads next to him - also taken from his lab - and shifted to lean back against the wall.

Both pads were academy-level databooks on programming. One focused specifically on working with code; the other addressed the psychology behind it. Each contained a section on reprogramming, presenting it as a crime against nature (which had resulted in their being banned by most academies). It was morbid reading material for someone in Starscream's position, but he needed to know as much as possible about what Soundwave had done.

That didn't make it  _ easy  _ to read, though, and he had to stop several times to collect himself before continuing on. Eventually he found a description that matched what he knew about Soundwave's addition: a slave program, considered one of the worst because it manipulated the targets' emotions until they would willingly do anything their masters wanted. The core directives served to alter a target's normal behavior in a way its master found agreeable, as well as providing a baseline for obedience which couldn't be ignored or circumvented.

Unfortunately, as Soundwave had said, access to the directives was limited to the registered master, and programming them had meant letting Megatron into his head. Not nearly as deeply as Soundwave had gone, thankfully, and Starscream had allowed it, so it wasn't technically hacking. Assuming consent could exist between master and slave, which was debatable. It had been frightening either way, though it helped that Megatron hadn't seemed too happy about it either. Starscream had expected to be heavily restricted, but only two directives were programmed: He couldn't act against Megatron in any way, and he had to follow plans as presented, without changes of his own. It could have been a lot worse, but that only made him wonder why it  _ wasn't _ worse, so he tried not to think about it.

On the psychological side, he learned, this program was also one of the most dangerous. Not because of glitches, of which there were generally few, but because of the emotional side effects. Given enough time the program completely took over the emotional cortex, and from there it dominated the entire social center. During this the slave became more reclusive and more dependent on its master, gradually losing all desire to make its own decisions.

But it was the next part that had Starscream's vents stalling: The longer the program was in place, the more damage it caused to the social center if it was removed. It was a fail-safe, a way to keep escaped slaves from trying to have it removed, and there was no record of anyone recovering fully once it was installed.

This couldn't be real. Tossing the datapad aside, Starscream stood and started pacing his quarters, arms wrapped around himself in an attempt at self-comfort. He tried to focus on venting normally to keep his emotions in check, but it was hard. His thoughts kept returning to what he'd read, and he was too worked up for any kind of mental discipline.

Without a doubt, this was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. How could Megatron have authorized this? If he was finally tired of Starscream, it would have been more merciful by far to just kill him. This was just... "cruel" didn't begin to describe it. "Sick and twisted" was more accurate. How deranged did a mech have to be to do something like this to another?

Starscream groaned, kicking his berth in frustration before sitting down again. He bent to press his face to his knees and hugged himself more tightly, forcing down the mounting panic. If only Megatron would  _ listen _ to him for once! He would use these databooks to back up his argument, explain every detail in simple terms if he had to, whatever it took to convince Megatron that this program was  _ destroying _ him. He would go present his case at once if he thought it would fix anything.

But it wouldn't. One word about programming and he would be lucky if Megatron only silenced him verbally. He would never be allowed to speak long enough to make his point properly. But what else could he do? Soundwave and Shockwave were the only Decepticons he knew personally who knew anything about coding, and neither was an option. Nor could he change his own coding unless he created a virus and introduced it to his systems. It wasn't technically impossible to attack specific programs that way, but the risk of it damaging the entire system was too great. It would make a good last resort, but he would prefer something less debilitating.

So what did that leave him? No one who could remove the program had any reason to help him, and everyone one else... They most likely wouldn't care that he had been reprogrammed. Some might even think it was about time.

A soft whimper slipped out before he could stop it, but he ruthlessly shoved down the sadness that had surfaced. He didn't need any of them. They couldn't help anyway, so what did it matter whether they cared or not? He was fine on his own.

Of course, he hadn't been fine against Soundwave. But he didn't want to remember that, so he pushed it down too. He didn't need to get caught in  _ that _ logic loop again. The thought brought something else to mind, though, and his hands fisted against his sides as he mulled over the new idea. Maybe Soundwave  _ did _ have a reason to help him. He clearly wanted something, and might be willing to assist Starscream in exchange for whatever it was. Soundwave wouldn't go against Megatron's orders, but maybe he could be persuaded to talk to their leader and convince him to have the program removed.

It was a long shot, and there were so many ways it could go wrong. Soundwave might be refuse to help, or he might ask for more than Starscream was willing to pay. Megatron might ignore them, or punish Starscream for going behind his back. Then, too, there was the question of whether Starscream even had the courage to approach Soundwave with his request.

What if he was wasting his time? It had never been his way to give up without a fight, but what if there was no escape this time? How could he live knowing that he would never again be free?

...Would he even want to?

* * *

 

"I don't like this," Megatron said flatly. Soundwave sighed in annoyance. He had thought they were past this, but apparently not.

The two mechs stood in Megatron's office once again, safely away from any who might try to listen in. Megatron himself looked thoroughly disgusted, and he radiated anger. Soundwave knew that he'd been watching Starscream all day and hadn't liked what he'd seen, but didn't offer his own opinion; not yet. He would have his say when Megatron was done.

"I don't know what you did to Starscream," Megatron went on, "but you must have done  _ something _ more than reprogram him. I've never seen him act the way he did today, and it was only around you. What happened last night?"

As though he cared. He had never done anything but hurt Starscream. He wasn't  _ allowed _ to care.

"It was necessary to restrain him before reprogramming could commence," Soundwave explained stiffly. "His wing was damaged in the process. Nothing more happened. Query: why do you care?"

That was the key to dealing with Megatron, Soundwave found. Accuse him of something as "weak" as caring about another and many conversations could be redirected, or avoided completely. True to form, Megatron's mindset slid from offensive to defensive, and he shot Soundwave a hard look.

"We've been over this. He's my Second in Command. I need him functioning and able to do his job,  _ not _ the nervous  _ wreck _ I saw today."

Well, that was an exaggeration. Starscream had been jumpy and restless, yes, but that hardly made him a nervous wreck. He'd actually done quite well considering his state of mind. But Soundwave didn't say any of it, and eventually Megatron continued.

"If you truly did nothing else to him, then the only cause for his behavior today was the reprogramming. And I clearly remember you telling me that it would  _ not _ have any seriously negative impact on him. But after you left him here this morning, he almost had some kind of breakdown right in front of me. That isn't normal, and I'm beginning to wonder if this was a mistake."

His voice was hard, his emotional field angry, and Soundwave was feeling miffed himself. Most likely Megatron had said or done something hurtful and Starscream had been too stressed to deal with it. But perhaps part of the blame  _ was _ Soundwave's; he'd neglected to mention that reprogramming was much like physical surgery. The modified mind delicate and painful at first, just like fresh welds. Right now Starscream was fragile, mentally and emotionally, and he probably couldn't handle Megatron's normal treatment of him.

Of course, the omission had been deliberate, so Soundwave couldn't come out and say that. He was actually counting on Megatron to push Starscream in his direction through sheer ignorance. But he did need to say  _ something _ to appease his leader, so he replied, "Starscream was afraid to be reprogrammed. He has yet to accept that it happened, and may try to fight it. He only requires time to adjust."

"And how long will  _ that _ take?" Megatron asked impatiently. "Thanks to the last raid's failure, we need to launch another as soon as possible. We don't  _ have _ a lot of time."

"Time required: varies by mech. If you wish it, I will help him adjust.”

Megatron frowned, then delayed answering by gathering a few reports from his desk. Soundwave waited patiently, listening to his unspoken doubts and feeling sure that he wouldn't voice any of them.

Sure enough, all he said was, "And just how do you expect to help him when he seems to be afraid of you?" A detail which didn't bother him nearly as much as the question of what methods Soundwave intended to employ. But asking about that would make it seem like he cared, and he'd already been accused of that.

Soundwave couldn't help but smile slightly at his foolishness. Caring was not the weakness Megatron believed it to be. If it was, the Autobots would have been defeated long ago. Maybe he would live long enough to realize that, but probably not.

"I will speak to him. Status: important. He and I still have to work together, so he has to accept what I did." Soundwave coupled his words with a telepathic nudge, reminding Megatron of his own trustworthiness. At length Megatron gave a slow nod, though it was obvious that he wasn’t fully convinced.

"All right. You seem to know what you're doing, and you've never failed me before. But I'm trusting your judgement on this. If something goes wrong, it's on  _ your _ head."

"Acknowledged."

* * *

 

Starscream had decided to risk talking to Soundwave. He didn't want to, and a large part of him recoiled from the very  _ idea _ of being alone with the telepath, but he had to. This was the only thing he could come up with that might work, and time was against him. If he wanted the program removed with minimal damage he had to act sooner, not later.

So now he was standing outside Soundwave's quarters, wishing he had more choices. It wasn't too late to go directly to Megatron, but he had already determined that it wouldn't do any good. He was beginning to wonder how much the new program was influencing that decision though, because the uselessness of arguing had never stopped him before. Nothing had changed except for that one thing, and he shivered when he realized his behavior was already being affected. He  _ had  _ to get things put right.

If only there was another way...

He was still standing there, fighting with himself, when a hand on his wing jolted him from his thoughts. He spun around, cursing himself for zoning out again, and stumbled back when he found Soundwave standing in front of him. Then he felt the cold press of the wall behind him, and suddenly the hallway was gone. He was back  _ there _ , struggling as he was pinned against his door, a mere sheet of metal between him and escape, and he  _ just wasn't strong enough _ ...

Little by little he became aware of arms around him, holding him as he fought and begged to be let go. His own arms were trapped against his chest, and it slowly sank in that he couldn't kick because he was sitting. Finally he remembered that what he was fighting had already happened, and his panic was replaced by despair. His struggles subsided into full-body shudders as he worked to hold back sobs. He couldn't  _ live _ like this! He just  _ couldn't _ !

"Calm down," Soundwave ordered quietly. "You'll damage your systems that way." When that yielded no results, he raised a hand to the back of Starscream's head, petting him lightly. Starscream cringed away from the touches that inevitably brushed his access panel, but when they kept coming he gave up on avoiding them. He just stared at his own hands, curled into useless fists against Soundwave's chest, and wished he had been smart enough to stay away.

He paid no attention to his chronometer, so he had no idea how long they stayed there. After glancing around and spotting a desk on the edge of his vision, he didn't even care much. They weren't in the hall, so no one was going to see them, and it barely registered that he was apparently in Soundwave's domain. All that mattered was gathering the memories related to his flashback and hiding them, burying them under less painful recollections and hoping they would stay there until he was ready to deal with them. Which would probably be never. Nothing that hurt so much was worth revisiting.

He felt calmer by the time he was finished, perhaps more so than was normal for the circumstances. He couldn't stop trembling, though, and the sensation of being trapped kept his fear alive. He was sure that his proximity to Soundwave was the problem, and he wanted to pull away, but something stopped him. He opened his hands and pressed them against Soundwave's chest, ready to push off, but...

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady. "Why are you being  _ nice _ to me?" The question felt strange to ask, but he had to. He couldn't handle the uncertainty along with everything else.

"I do not wish to see you like this," Soundwave said. "Megatron has gone too far this time."

Despite how he felt, Starscream managed a glare. "I want the truth, Soundwave!"

"Suggestion: let me explain. I know the dangers of reprogramming. I argued against it. However, Megatron doesn't care how well you function as long as you can no longer resist him. I had no choice once he threatened to send you to Shockwave."

"But..." Starscream shuddered, curling in on himself as a strong sense of hopelessness welled up inside him. If that was true, there was nothing Soundwave  _ could _ do to help him. He was trapped. Something about that story  _ did _ seem off, but he was too distressed to figure out what.

"Why?" he whispered, slumping lower and resting his head between his hands. "Why did he... What did I  _ do _ ?"

Soundwave remained silent for a moment, hand stilling on Starscream's head. Then he resumed his careful petting and said, "Did you ask him that?"

Now it was Starscream who hesitated, unsure how he should answer. He was better at reading vocal tones than movements, and he didn't like the way that question was asked. There was an edge to that otherwise flat voice that unnerved him, leaving him reluctant to say anything. So he stayed silent, flinching away from Soundwave's hand when it moved to his chin and forced him to look up. The arm around him tightened at the same time, and every story he had ever heard about optical contact aiding telepathy came back to him. He shoved hard against Soundwave's chest, shutting off his optics as he tried to turn his head away. But he was so  _ tired _ ... What had Soundwave done while they were talking?

"Starscream, it's all right," Soundwave said soothingly. "Calm down. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Stop  _ saying _ that!" Starscream burst out, still straining against the arm pinning him. "You keep saying that, but you keep doing it! What- what did you  _ do _ to me?"

"You need rest. A poor physical condition is more stress than your mind can handle right now." The hand on his face shifted, the thumb rubbing gentle circles under his optic, and he couldn't move away; he'd already turned his head farther than what was comfortable.

"Your frame understands things your mind doesn't," Soundwave continued softly. "Your mind is afraid of me, but your frame recognizes and accepts the comfort I'm offering. Combined with your exhaustion, recharge is a natural outcome."

Starscream wanted to argue that, but it was hard to dispute something that actually seemed to be happening. His mouth worked silently for a few moments before he managed, "It was still deliberate, though."

"You don't need to fear me. I only wish to prove that." Soundwave's hold loosened somewhat, and Starscream briefly considered bringing out the acid now that his arms had more mobility. But he wasn't stupid enough to provoke a fight he could neither escape nor finish, so he stayed still, trying to think of a way out. It seemed like his only option was to play along, though, and he resigned himself to it with a sigh.

"You won't do anything?" he asked quietly, not having to fake his nervousness. It wasn't like he could do much to defend himself, even if he had to.

"Negative," Soundwave replied. "Nothing will happen. I promise."

Starscream didn't believe him, but he nodded slightly and forced himself to relax. His instincts screamed that Soundwave couldn't be trusted, and that coming here had been a bad idea, but he allowed himself to be resettled against Soundwave's chest. If nothing else, he was used to doing things he didn't like in the name of self-preservation. He just had to avoid similar situations in the future.

It was almost frightening how quickly his frame relaxed once he made a conscious effort to stop resisting. He knew that it was dangerous, that one should  _ never _ drop their guard around a proven enemy, yet somehow he was doing just that. He had to be glitching or something, because there was no way he would still be here if he was thinking straight.

He tried to stay awake, regardless of how tired he was, but it soon proved useless.

His last thought before darkness claimed him was to hope this wasn't a big mistake.

* * *

 

Soundwave gazed silently at the now-motionless Seeker in his arms, optics dim behind his visor. It had taken a lot of telepathic proding to get Starscream calm enough to even speak with after that flashback, and one wrong move had almost set him off again. Getting him to sleep had been harder by far, and it wouldn't have worked if he hadn't been so worn out. Maybe not even then, under normal circumstances. But that was why he had established an empathic link with Starscream after Ravage told him how badly the Seeker was coping. Such a link was basically a direct tie to another's emotional cortex, making them easier to influence than usual. Given how badly Starscream had reacted to his appearance earlier, it seemed to have been a good idea.

Soundwave sighed, shaking his head. He was pretty sure Starscream didn't know why he had been reprogrammed, and it had to stay that way. Megatron was easy enough to deceive, but Starscream wouldn't be so trusting if he found any inconsistencies. He really was too clever for his own good sometimes.

Soundwave shifted his grip on Starscream, supporting him with one arm and brushing the fingers of his free hand over his face. Sometimes Starscream reminded him of a rebellious youngling; good at getting into trouble, but not so much at getting out. What he needed was proper guidance, someone to help him off the self-destructive path he was on. But no one cared enough to do that.

Until now. Starscream was too used to abuse to see it, but Soundwave really did want to help him, and eventually he would realize that.

He just needed to make sure Megatron didn't interfere.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were kind of blurring the line at the end, but I wanted to say that there will be no slash between Soundwave and Starscream. I just figure that since he's a telepath who caries other bots in his chest, Soundwave's idea of personal space and privacy are a bit different from the norm. His intentions are... well, as innocent as the circumstances allow.
> 
> Anyway, next time we'll finally get an unbiased account of what Megatron really thinks of all this, and a few more characters will show up too. But since this story is getting about as dark as an arctic winter, I'm taking a short break to write something more lighthearted for the holidays. The next chapter will come out sometime after that.


	4. Struggles inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Starscream tries to pretend things are normal, Megatron tries to convince himself that this was a good idea. Neither is successful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, if you read chapter three before Nov 25th, you read an incomplete chapter. Several paragraphs were somehow deleted from the last update, and had to be replaced. If you first read after the 25th, you're fine. If not, you may want to go back and reread what happened after Starscream's flashback.
> 
> That said, I was honestly surprised that some of you expressed disapointment when I took my break. So, in appreciation, here's a nice long chapter for all of you. At 5000+ words, it's the longest chapter I've ever written, so I hope you enjoy.

Separate   
Sifting through the wreckage   
I can't concentrate   
Searching for a message   
In the fear and pain

“In My Remains” - Linkin Park

* * *

 

Starscream sat motionless in the darkness, crosslegged on Soundwave's berth. His optics, dim and narrow, were fixed on the floor where Soundwave lay recharging. His own recharge had been fitful at best, haunted by memories of being trapped and helpless while a cold presence invaded his mind. He'd awakened some time ago, too scared to move, or even make any sort of noise. He was glad of that now, because it meant he hadn't woken anyone. Ravage had been awake already, but as he had done nothing except watch from the foot of the berth, Starscream ignored him.

That paralyzing terror had long since faded, reduced to a level Starscream could handle. This was a good fear, one that made him cautious without clouding his thoughts. If he had to be afraid, this was safer than the near panic that brought him to this room in the first place. He would never have come here if he'd been thinking straight, and wasn't even sure now why he  _ had _ come. The moment was over, and the mindset couldn't be reclaimed.

Still, there was a coldly pragmatic part of him that felt some good had come of it. He had learned that Soundwave couldn't - or  _ wouldn't _ \- help him, and that he had done far worse than merely follow orders. Soundwave could claim that he argued against this all he wanted, but if that was true, why was Starscream now under the influence of one of the most despicable programs ever written? It was a safe bet that Megatron didn't know one program from another, so Soundwave had to have chosen it. But if he hadn't wanted to do this, why would he choose  _ this _ one?

Starscream wasn't going to ask. He didn't care  _ why _ Soundwave had done it. All that mattered was that he had, and it wasn't disturbing his rest.

Starscream lowered his head, dropping his gaze to his own fists. He could feel the anger building inside him, a familiar heat burning through his circuits. He welcomed it. But this was neither the time nor the place to release it, and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it for long if he stayed here. So he finally moved, shifting quietly to the edge of the berth. Ravage moved too, crouching low and growling softly. Starscream shot him a glare, wings rising in a threatening display of his own.

"Shut up," he hissed. "All I want is to get out of here. I'm not about to  _ attack _ anyone!" Not that it wasn't tempting, he added silently. He stepped around Soundwave as quietly as he could manage, then slipped past a large monitor sitting on a table, where Laserbeak and Buzzsaw were perched. Looking the other way, he could see Rumble and Frenzy crowded together in the desk chair.

With so many bots around he was sure he would wake  _ someone.  _ But he finally made it to the door and looked back at Ravage, who was still watching him. They stared restlessly at each other for several seconds after optical contact was made, then Ravage nodded and settled again. The door slid open at the same time. Starscream narrowed his optics, suspicious, but his desire to escape overrode his uneasiness. He slipped out into the hallway, and was already walking when the door shut behind him.

Starscream hadn't realized how afraid he was of being caught until relief drew the tension from his frame. His wings drooped low as previously taut cables relaxed, and it was easier to be quiet now that his joints could work more smoothly. But as glad as he was to be out, the restless fear refused to be soothed.

He  _ had _ to find a way out of this mess before it drove him insane. He didn't know how much of his behavior tonight had been his usual instability, nor how much had been influenced by the program. But he did know that it would only get worse, and that his ability to fight back was limited. He was technically a slave now, and slaves shared certain characteristics: they couldn't refuse a direct order from their masters, nor harm the bot who "owned" them. If Megatron told him to do something, he would have to do it, even if it went against his very nature.

Well. In theory. There were recorded cases where slaves  _ had _ been able to act against their programming, but those involved extreme circumstances. In the majority of such cases, the bots in question were trying to help someone they cared about, and not all succeeded. It was almost strange, though, the things some bots could do when friends and loved ones were in danger. In a way, Starscream could understand it. He knew first hand how fear for one's friends could motivate a mech. But that would never work for him now, and the sad truth was, it was all his fault.

Looking back, he wasn't entirely sure what had possessed him to damage his own coding. From a purely factual standpoint, he knew he did it to avoid the pain of caring about others. He did it because he was hurting after Skyfire's disappearance, and the fledgling war had left him afraid to get close to anyone. He did it to avoid the trauma of killing and seeing others killed. Did it because he wanted to join the Decepticons as a warrior, not a scientist, and warriors had to be strong.

He knew that he'd been in a bad state of mind, mourning Skyfire and hating himself for abandoning the search. He remembered wanting desperately to never feel like that again. But he just  _ couldn't _ recall why he'd thought reprogramming himself was the answer.

Of course, "reprogramming" wasn't the right term. That had been his first - and only - attempt at using a virus to change coding, and it had worked. Sort of. He'd lost some code that he had meant to keep, and a few lines survived that shouldn't have, but the end result had been good enough. He couldn't easily get close to others now, much less care about them, and it was better that way. He was a social mech at spark, he couldn't do anything about that, but he was fine as long as he could keep his distance emotionally.

There were times though, bad times like this, when he wondered if he had been suffering from temporary insanity when he did that. Sane mechs didn't go around damaging themselves, especially in such major ways. Sane mechs didn't refuse to have the damage repaired while struggling to get through a simple conversation. He could surely have coped with things the same way other bots did, so why did he take such extreme measures?

Why was he even thinking about this? It was ancient history. Old news.

...How long had he been standing outside his quarters like an idiot?

"I'm losing my mind," he muttered, typing in the door code. "Thanks a lot, Soundwave."

All he could think to do about his current situation was carry on as normally as possible until he figured something out. It did him no good to panic about it like he'd been doing, and might make things worse. He needed to be rational about this.

If only he was better at staying rational when his emotions got involved.

* * *

 

This was getting ridiculous.

Megatron lowered the datapad he held onto his desk, glaring at the images playing across the screen. He was trying to study the collection of footage Laserbeak had brought back from the  _ Ark _ , having decided the Autobots' matter duplicator would be the Decepticons’ next goal. But he couldn't concentrate, and he didn't have to look far to figure out why.

Starscream. It was  _ always _ Starscream.

Giving up on his review for the time being, Megatron shut off the datapad and stood up, moving to the window of his office. There was nothing to see but black water and the reflection of the room behind him, but he didn't care about the view. He didn't even see it, being too focused on the problem demanding his attention.

Megatron clearly remembered the first time Soundwave suggested reprogramming Starscream. Ironically, it was while Starscream himself was altering the Combaticons, which may have been where the idea came from. Soundwave had voiced concern over Megatron's decision to take Starscream back, especially after his last bid for power came so close to succeeding. But while Megatron had agreed that Starscream needed to be controlled, he had also been sceptical about the proposed solution. Coding wasn't a field he knew much about, and while he would happily order Autobots or renegade soldiers reprogrammed, an officer was a different matter. If anything went wrong, Starscream wouldn't be easily replaced. His exile had proven that much.

Still, Soundwave sold the idea well. He presented it as a method of correction rather than a punishment, something they had every right to utilize after Starscream's long line of transgressions. He had been quite firm in saying that it would have few harmful effects, and those could be dealt with as they appeared. Then there were the benefits: Megatron would never again have to worry about whether or not Starscream could be trusted. The endless takeover attempts would stop, giving them all more time to focus on defeating Autobots. The idea of having complete control over him did appeal to Megatron's desire for power, yet he'd found himself unsure. Even now, when it was already done, he was unsure.

He lowered his head slightly and shut off his optics, feeling the strut-deep heaviness that came from doing too much without sufficient rest. He took what he could, but he never seemed to have time. There were always plans to be made, Autobots to fight, uprisings to stop. Even when he wasn't actively working, there were resources and the state of his army to worry about. He didn't need one Seeker's endless drama on top of everything else he had to deal with. He had hoped that last one would be less of a problem with Starscream reprogrammed, but so far it only seemed to have grown worse.

Maybe he shouldn't have allowed it. But in the end, what choice did he have? Just days ago, Soundwave had come to report that Starscream was plotting again, and that he had something unforgivable in mind this time: Convince the Autobots to help him get rid of Megatron, negotiate a "truce" while he established his leadership among the Decepticons, then turn around and resume the war.

It was exactly the sort of simplistic, deceitful scheme Megatron would expect of Starscream, and of course it was doomed to failure. The Autobots might be willing to "help" if it meant leaving their enemies with a weaker leader, but Megatron would never let it get that far. Nor would Starscream be able to talk his way out of it, because he would be guilty of conspiring with the enemy. It wasn't harmless trickery like the Constructicons helping the Autobot builders with a solar tower that they intended to steal. Megatron wouldn't be able to offer Starscream a way out like he had when the latter teamed up with Red Alert. This time he would have no choice but to kill the treacherous Seeker, if only because he would seem weak if he dismissed something of such magnitude.

Well, maybe he was weak. He could tell himself, and others, that he only kept Starscream around for his usefulness, but that was only part of it. He just didn't  _ want _ to kill him. He never had, though he didn't know why. He only knew that if any other mech had tried to form an alliance with Autobots in an attempted takeover, he would have killed them without hesitation. Why was it so  _ hard _ to treat Starscream the same way?

At the time he merely ordered Soundwave to watch Starscream and report back if he decided to act on his new idea. But he didn't know what he would have done if that disastrous raid hadn't occurred the very next day.

At first the battle had gone normally, aside from the number of combatants involved. Megatron had brought a large force in an effort to gather the most energon they could in the shortest time possible. The Autobots had responded with a sizable force of their own, which included the Dinobots and Aerialbots. With Superion keeping Menasor busy, Megatron, Soundwave, and the Insecticons had been outnumbered on the ground. That hadn't mattered so much when the Seekers were providing air support, but at some point they had stopped. Megatron wasn't sure when, as he'd been busy fighting both Optimus Prime and Grimlock at the time, but he'd eventually noticed that the sky was empty.

He made a mistake then. He'd spotted Starscream and Ramjet fighting together on the ground, placing themselves in more danger at the cost of effectiveness, and had been furious. His only concern was to get the Seekers back where they would do the most good, without the luxury of time to wonder why they weren't still there.

Well, he'd certainly found out.

If he was honest with himself, he knew Starscream had only been trying to keep his unit alive without pulling out entirely. But Megatron had blamed the failed raid on him anyway, because the Seekers hadn't been where they were needed. It was wrong, but it was easier to get angry at someone else than to admit his own mistake.

Still, maybe the raid wasn't a complete failure. Astrotrain escaped with enough energon to fuel the Earthbound troops for a few days, and the battle had also proven to Megatron that he couldn't just kill Starscream. For all his faults, he knew what he was doing in the air, and training a replacement would take too long. But there was no need to kill him for something he hadn't even done yet, and if reprogramming him was the only way to  _ keep _ him from doing it... so be it. Megatron didn't like it, and he didn't believe it wouldn't damage Starscream in some way, but he had no choice. Nothing else he could do would have an effect for long.

So why did it still feel like another mistake?

He growled in frustration, reactivating his optics as he turned from the window. He knew the answer to that question. How could he not after seeing Starscream’s reaction to being blamed for the reprogramming? The fear, the shocked disbelief, the  _ hurt _ , were all burned into Megatron’s memory banks. He'd said those things to distract Starscream from the question of why he'd given the order, as well as to convince himself that the troublesome mech deserved reprogramming. It had worked a bit too well on the first point, and not nearly well enough on the second, but what else could he do? Admit that he'd done it so he wouldn't have to kill Starscream?

Megatron scowled and returned to his desk, picking up the surveillance datapad. For several seconds he stood motionless, glaring at the device in his hand as though it was the cause of all his problems. Then he subspaced it for future study and left the room, silently cursing Starscream's idiotic ideas. He absolutely  _ hated _ feeling weak, and his reluctance to just get rid of the flying nuisance made him feel exactly that. He also hated to doubt himself, which he was thanks to Soundwave's equally idiotic idea, but it would be far more satisfying to vent his frustration on Starscream.

Besides, he wanted to know just how much control he now had. He'd decided to wait on testing the coding after seeing how poorly Starscream was handling things, but he was definitely in a more malicious mood today. Starscream wasn't getting off so easily this time.

* * *

 

The training room was one of the largest rooms in the base. It had everything necessary for simulations and target practice, with plenty of extra space for sparring. It was also close to the med bay, and for good reason: the only rule was that no one was allowed to kill anyone else. For most Decepticons it was a favorite place to spend their free time, as well as a place to settle disputes.

For some, however, this last made it hard to get things done.

"Stop, stop,  _ stop!" _ Starscream burst out furiously. He shoved himself off of Thrust, whom he'd been pinning, and marched over to where Skywarp and Dirge were flailing on the floor. He stomped hard on one of Dirge's wings, earning a pained yelp, and caught Skywarp around the middle, dragging him off the other Seeker. He twisted sharply and dropped Skywarp next to Dirge, leveling a weapon at the former when Skywarp looked ready to continue the fight.

"I said  _ stop," _ Starscream snarled. "What the frag are you two  _ doing? _ You-" he glared at Skywarp, “-know better than that! When your opponent yields, the fight is  _ over. _ You do  _ not _ keep pounding them into scrap!"

"He deserved it!" Skywarp protested, but Starscream cut him off.

"I don't care about your stupid personal squabbles!  _ I _ organized this training session, and you're going to follow the rules I laid down! If you want to slag each other afterward, fine. See if I care. But you can wait till then!"

"What does it matter anyway?" Skywarp demanded, sitting up in spite of the weapon aimed at him. "Thundercracker's the only one of us who gives a frag about honor, so why not fight dirty? That's how we'd fight Autobots!"

"It matters because, as Hook loves to remind me, our resources are limited. If we fight each other the same way we fight Autobots, without rules or restrictions, we're going to need repairs after every session. It's a waste of resources, and it costs us time we could spend training. Believe it or not, I don't just make these rules for fun!"

"Coulda fooled me," Skywarp scoffed. "We all know you love to be in charge."

Starscream was tempted to shoot his insolent Trinemate, but instead he stepped back and lowered his weapon, giving Skywarp silent permission to get up. Then he turned to the other Seekers, who had gathered around to watch the confrontation. He cast a cursory glance at Dirge, who looked more bitter than hurt, then snapped, "As for the rest of you, your performances today have been pathetic! Are you even  _ trying _ to take this seriously?"

"What's the point?" Thrust asked sullenly. "We're  _ Seekers. _ We attack from the  _ sky.  _ Let the  _ grounders _ do the hand-to-hand fighting, that's what they're there for."

"If that's how you feel, I can schedule some private lessons with Onslaught," Starscream said coldly. "I'm sure he'd be happy to teach you some respect for antiaircraft weapons." Thrust started to reply, but Starscream interrupted, indicating two of their number. "Thundercracker and Ramjet have the strongest armor of all of us, and they weren't hit directly. But a  _ single shot each _ was enough to take them down. Any one of the rest of us would be  _ torn apart _ if we were hit, even indirectly. But if you want to risk that, Thrust, go ahead. You'll be a good lesson for the others."

The assembled Seekers glanced at one another, and especially at the pair who'd been shot down two days previously. They had only been released from the med bay that morning, and weren't technically supposed to be straining their welds so soon. But Starscream had made no allowance for that beyond letting them fight each other instead of healthier opponents. That was how the Decepticons worked; unless Hook ordered otherwise, injuries were no excuse to skip training or duty shifts.

At length, Thrust grunted and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. But as he backed down, Thundercracker spoke up. "What about Megatron? It doesn't matter how well we can fight on the ground, he's still going to want us in the air."

Starscream snarled and spun towards him, wings high and swept back in preparation for a fight. "Who's the Air Commander, me or him? I don't  _ care _ what that- that-" But he couldn't go on. Something in him was resisting, unwilling to voice the familiar insults, and he had a good idea what. Some of his anger bled away, replaced by anxiety, but he shoved it aside and grudgingly rethought his word choice.

"If Megatron has a problem with it, he can say so. But until then, I want us out of the air whenever the Autobots bring their new toys with them. And yes, that means we're going to spend more time on our hand-to-hand training. Which we need to do anyway, judging by the way you lot have been fighting. So stop arguing with me, follow the fragging rules, and-"

He fell abruptly silent when the others looked to one side, all of their wings twitching down and back. Limited though his nonverbal vocabulary was, that was a movement he had no trouble reading. It was a sign of both fear and respect, and usually indicated submission to a more dominant bot. But there was only one who could get this reaction from all five Seekers, and it wasn't Starscream.

Suddenly nervous, he turned his head, staring at the doorway that was just visible beyond his wingtip. His own wings lowered when he saw Megatron approaching, but he barely noticed. Megatron appeared to be in a dark mood, and that could only mean bad things. Probably  _ very _ bad judging by the way his optics were fixed on Starscream. But why? He hadn't done anything the slightest bit treasonous since they last spoke, unless training the troops was now a crime.

Actually, it probably  _ was _ a crime if he was now expected to get permission before he did anything. But that was stupid, and he irritably crushed the idea. He was an  _ officer, _ for Primus' sake! He didn't need permission to do his job, no matter what some bundle of code wanted him to think.

He was too busy arguing with himself to notice immediately when Megatron dismissed the other Seekers. He  _ did _ notice when they hurried from the room, however, and only Ramjet spared him a backward glance before leaving.

Unwilling to look at his leader, he quickly scanned the room for other signs of life. Unfortunately, bots had a tendency to vacate the training room whenever an entire team showed up, so he and Megatron were quite alone. He slowly dropped his gaze to the floor and waited, strangely reluctant to break the silence. Or maybe not so strange, if the fragging program was at work.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Megatron spoke before he could resume his internal argument, and he looked up in surprise.

"Doing what?" he asked, honestly confused. Megatron made an impatient noise.

"You know what I mean. One minute you're fine, the next you just stop. You were doing it all day yesterday, and I want to know why."

It took a moment for Starscream to figure out what he meant. Then he grimaced, cursing himself for not realizing someone might notice his lapses. He had no clue what to say, and his lips moved silently for a few seconds before he managed, "I guess I didn't notice. I just start thinking and then..."

He trailed off, gesturing meaninglessly with his hands while he tried to repress the guilt creeping into his spark. He was  _ not _ going to feel guilty for lying to Megatron. Besides, it wasn't really a lie. He had no evidence that he was doing anything more than thinking too deeply.

"Does it have anything to do with you being reprogrammed?" Megatron asked bluntly. Starscream folded his arms and stared at the floor.

"Most likely. Bots  _ generally _ have trouble adapting when they're programmed in ways that conflict with their natures." Even as he said it, he was cringing inwardly at the passive-aggressive reply. He could usually get away with sarcasm, and perhaps some mockery if Megatron was in a reasonable mood, but outright hostility almost always resulted in pain.

So he was thrown off when, instead of hitting him, Megatron calmly asked, "How much do you know about programming?"

Starscream lifted his head warily, wings flicking as he met his leader's thoughtful gaze. "A lot..." he admitted slowly.

Megatron gave a short nod. "Then tell me something. Will your new programming make you follow  _ any _ order I give?"

Starscream shuddered and looked away again, this time offlining his optics. He had known, of course, that Megatron would want to experiment with this new level of control. But it was still hard to accept that he couldn't refuse whatever came next.

"The only limits are the ones you set," he said, voice little more than a whisper. "I can't obey an order that goes against the directives."

"So even if I ordered you to attack me, you wouldn't be able to," Megatron mused. "What if I wanted you to do something potentially suicidal? When does self-preservation step in?"

"It doesn't," Starscream said dully. There was nothing more to say on that matter, but Megatron apparently thought otherwise.

"I find that hard to believe. If an order puts a mech's life was in danger, wouldn't he resist that order?"

"He could try, but... These programs..." Starscream shook his head. "They take over completely. Adapting takes time, but once it's done, most bots couldn't resist if they wanted to. And usually they  _ don't _ want to anymore."

"And if the mech was newly reprogrammed?"

Starscream hesitated. He did  _ not _ like where this was going. "What do you mean?"

Megatron's tone was too casual for the words that came next. "If I gave you a dangerous order right now, would you try to fight it?"

"I- I don't-" Starscream glanced around quickly, searching for some way to avoid whatever Megatron had in mind. A large hand came down on his shoulder, gripping just tightly enough to hurt, and he looked up with a wince.

"I think you would," Megatron said, answering his own question. "It's never been your way to make things easy when you can fight instead. I would honestly be disappointed if you  _ didn't _ fight." The pressure on Starscream's shoulder increased, forcing a small cry from him as he hunched over and clawed at the hand. Megatron smiled coldly, but his voice was hard when he added, "It would take the satisfaction out of finally breaking you."

He threw the smaller mech to the floor, eliciting another pained cry when Starscream landed on his still-aching wing. He rolled off it without thinking, then knelt on the floor and stared fearfully up at Megatron. A small part of him noticed that he was reacting more strongly than usual, but the rest of him only cared about not making his leader any angrier.

Megatron knelt in front of him, face now a hard mask, and rapped a finger against his canopy. "Open your spark chamber."

"W-what?" Starscream shrank back, optics wide with shock. He had expected  _ something _ bad after that line of questioning, but  _ this? _

"You heard me," Megatron said. "Open it and stay still."

He didn't want to. Exposing one's spark to a gladiator, even a former gladiator, was like standing on a hill in a thunderstorm and expecting not to be hit by lighting. It was stupid, crazy, and had a very high fatality rate. But the program, that unwelcome, self-defeating addition to his mind, didn't care about that. It had heard an order, and its only concern now was obeying.

He tried to resist, even knowing how useless it was. It didn't hurt, which surprised him. It was more like being restrained than beaten into submission. But it was effective, and as hard as he fought, it wasn't enough.

When his chestplates finally parted he gave up and huddled close to the floor, hunching over as though he could somehow protect himself. But Megatron's hand returned to his shoulder, pushing him upright, and he swore he could  _ feel _ the gaze on his frantically pulsing spark. He kept his own optics cast down, but that only meant he was watching when Megatron’s other hand moved toward his chest.

He sucked in a sharp ventilation when a single finger brushed over his spark crystal, barely touching. The action repeated a moment later, more firmly than before, but still undeniably careful. Starscream whimpered despite himself and tried to withdraw, but all he could do was tremble in the program’s invisible hold.

"So it's true," Megatron muttered, seeming to speak to himself more than Starscream. "I could crush your spark easily, and you know it. But you truly can't do anything to stop me, can you?"

His fingers slid around the fragile crystal. Starscream shut off his optics, vents stalling in expectation of pain. But the contact remained light, acknowledging the need to be careful, and it slowly dawned on Starscream that Megatron was trying  _ not _ to hurt him. He tentatively glanced up, sure he was misreading things, and his disbelief must have showed on his face because Megatron spoke again.

"No, Starscream. I'm not going to hurt you this time. Do you know why?" He waited until Starscream cautiously shook his head, then continued. "Because believe it or not, I'm not completely sparkless. I'm not going to take advantage of your programming to hurt you, because for all practical purposes, I own you now. That means I'm responsible for what happens to you, and I take my responsibilities seriously. Remember that."

He removed his hand from Starscream's chest and stood. Then he walked away without a backward glance, leaving Starscream to close his chestplates and wonder what that was about. He would swear Megatron had been even more bothered by just happened than he was, but that was impossible.

Wasn't it?

 


	5. Lies Told, Secrets Kept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When entire interactions are built on secrets and deception, the truth becomes almost impossible to discern. Megatron is suspicious, Starscream wants answers, Soundwave is rationalizing everyone's behavior, and nobody knows what's going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it took far longer than I had anticipated, but here, at long last, is the next chapter. The previous four chapters have also been edited, but the changes are mostly to improve readability, so it's not necessary to reread them. The only important change is that the brief mention of Starscream as Winglord has been removed.
> 
> A note on terminology: In my headcanon, Soundwave and Blaster are members of a telepathic race called Empaths. I don't use the racial name very often because individuals are usually defined by the strength of their ability (Soundwave is a telepath, Blaster is a sympath), but the word does come up in this chapter, so I wanted to mention it to avoid confusion.
> 
> And yes, I named the program. Humans name computer programs all the time, so hopefully that doesn't seem weird.

Everything is gonna change   
Nothing's gonna be the same   
What we know is good and gone   
The life we lived has come undone

“Nightmare” - Arshad

* * *

 

The ability to act was a useful skill to have, and Megatron had learned early in the war that the best actors were the ones who could make themselves  _ feel _ the emotions they wanted to convey. It was a trick he had used many times to add energy and power to his speeches, but it served another useful purpose as well: to hide his true feelings from Empaths like Soundwave. As a general rule he trusted Soundwave, so he rarely felt the need to shield his mind in this manner. But this time, when he called Soundwave to the War Room to discuss their next target, he hid everything he currently felt behind an air of quiet satisfaction. His conversation with Starscream had finally erased his doubts about reprogramming him, but that was all Soundwave needed to know.

Megatron leaned back in his chair, humming thoughtfully as he studied the datapad his Third had just handed him. He glanced up at Soundwave. "Are you sure the Autobots will turn up for this event?"

"Affirmative," Soundwave replied. "Meetings between human leaders: of interest to Autobots. We have targeted many important humans in the past."

"Yes," Megatron agreed, his voice colored by dark amusement. "A pity the Autobots have come to expect it." He set down the datapad and motioned to the table they were seated at. "I wish to see this meeting place."

Soundwave obligingly activated the holoprojector built into the heavy table, bringing up a three-dimensional image of planet Earth. The hologram rotated so that the Arabian Peninsula faced up, and a red rectangle appeared on the small landmass as Soundwave entered a set of coordinates. The rectangle flashed once, then the hologram flattened into a sea of sand interrupted by a few broad-leafed trees. The image was dominated by a human palace of relatively simple design, with multiple towers reaching towards the sky.

"The meeting is in two weeks," Soundwave said as Megatron studied the desert terrain. "The human prince befriended by the Aerialbots will be in attendance."

"So the Aerialbots will likely be there as well," Megatron mused. "Do we have enough energon to last us two weeks?"

"Affirmative. However, it would be close. Suggestion: stage at least one raid prior to attack."

"I'll keep that in mind. How many Autobots can we expect to be there?"

"Probability of more than ten Autobots attending: low."

"I don't know whether the Autobots are arrogant, or simply stupid," Megatron muttered scathingly. "Still, it shouldn't be hard to draw them out. A Trine of Seekers scouting the area a day in advance should insure a reasonable turnout."

"The Autobots may suspect a trap if Decepticon activity is noticed before the meeting," Soundwave pointed out, but Megatron only laughed.

"Do you honestly believe Prime will care? The fool knowingly walks into traps all the time, and his little hero complex would never allow him to do otherwise. He won't risk endangering the humans simply because we may be planning something. And even if he does expect a trick, he'll never guess what our  _ true _ target is."

Soundwave didn't reply, and Megatron glanced sidelong at him as he shut off the holotable, silently reviewing the almost curt statements Soundwave had made throughout the meeting. Then Megatron smirked, sitting back again. "So, Soundwave, what has you in such a bad mood today? Are you still upset with me for doubting you about Starscream?"

Soundwave tilted his head to one side. "Soundwave: not upset," he protested, but Megatron waved a dismissive hand.

"I don't blame you for being angry. After all, you  _ are _ my most loyal officer. The least I can do is trust that you know what you're doing. But I spoke to Starscream earlier, and he confirmed that he needs time to adjust. You have my permission to do whatever is necessary to help him, though I expect you to tell me beforehand if that involves hacking him again."

Megatron's voice hardened on the last words, and he shot Soundwave a pointed look. Soundwave dipped his head in acknowledgement of the order, but did nothing to show what he thought of it. Megatron watched him a moment longer, then laced his fingers together over his chest and continued.

"He's also proven to be just as obedient as you promised. More so than I had anticipated, in fact. Were you aware that his new programming can override his self-preservation instinct?"

This time Soundwave's visor dimmed slightly, as though his optics had narrowed. But his voice was as calm as ever when he replied. "Affirmative. Obedience programs were not designed to allow the subject to put its own well-being before its master's."

Megatron snorted. "Call it what it is, Soundwave. What we've done to Starscream is slavery, and pretty words aren't going to change that." He stood up and retrieved the datapad from the table, stowing it in his subspace. "That's everything I need. You can return to your duties now."

He turned and headed from the room without waiting for an answer, knowing Soundwave wouldn't argue with such a clear dismissal. He carefully maintained a sense of vague amusement all the way to his quarters, but the moment the door slid shut behind him it was replaced by a rush of uneasiness, irritation and disgust.

This had been a mistake. He knew that now, just as he knew it was too late to undo it. Even if he ordered the program removed, the damage was already done. Starscream would be more rebellious than ever if his freedom was returned, and there was no telling what lengths he would be willing to go to for revenge. But beyond that... being reprogrammed had hurt him, and to remove the program would mean it was for nothing. There was no reason to care about that, but Megatron couldn't seem to ignore the fact that Starscream would suffer whether he was programmed for obedience or not. If that was the case, wouldn't it be better to leave him as he was and avoid the disastrous fallout of freeing him?

Megatron released a tired ventilation and raised one tightly clenched fist, opening it slowly. He had never touched a living spark before. Torn them from the chests of his enemies and crushed them with his bare hands, yes. But that couldn't be compared to  _ holding _ one, trapping it in the cage of his fingers and feeling the fear-quickened pulse of energy against his palm. He couldn't deny that it had been deeply satisfying to see Starscream so scared and vulnerable, at least at first. But that was before the true magnitude of what he was doing sank in. Starscream’s life had been in his hands, in the most literal way possible, and it still was. A single careless order was all it would take to get him killed, and Starscream would be helpless to stop it. Frag it, he couldn't even protect his own  _ spark... _

Megatron's hand closed again, but he barely noticed. He had meant it when he claimed responsibility for what happened to Starscream. What that meant beyond simply keeping him alive and functioning, he wasn't sure yet. But getting him through this adaptation stage would be a good start.

Which led Megatron to the problem of what he should do about Soundwave. It was beginning to seem as though he was trying to get rid of Starscream, and the fact that he hadn't warned Megatron to be careful with his orders supported the possibility. There could be other explanations, of course, but this seemed the most likely. Soundwave was a loyal Decepticon, and if he thought it would be in the best interests of the faction to deal with a known traitor, he would do it. Even if it required him to go against his leader's wishes.

Maybe it was for the better, Megatron mused as he crossed his barren quarters to sink down on the berth. Starscream certainly deserved it, and Megatron himself obviously had some weakness that kept him from just ending it. Maybe it would be better to let someone else do what he couldn't. And yet...

For the most part, Megatron trusted Soundwave. But there were times when he didn't, not completely, and this was one of them. If Soundwave did want Starscream dead, he was going against orders to achieve his goal. If he didn't, he was still up to something Megatron wouldn't approve of, because he wouldn't keep it a secret otherwise. Either way he was hiding something, and he was far better at it than Starscream.

There was a reason why Soundwave wasn't Second in Command.

Megatron shut off his optics briefly, then stood and moved to the desk at the foot of his berth, already knowing that he wouldn't get any recharge. Whatever Soundwave was up to, he’d made a mistake by involving Starscream, who couldn't keep a secret to save his life. Megatron fully intended to check on him regularly to see how Soundwave's "treatment" was progressing. If he found any sign that Soundwave had hacked him again, or threatened him, there would be consequences.

_ No one _ double-crossed Megatron, even for the benefit of the Decepticons.

* * *

 

Starscream had gone straight to his quarters after Megatron left, too shaken by what had happened to risk interacting with others. Having his spark handled without his consent hadn't been as bad as having Soundwave in his head, but it had been bad enough. He could still feel the gentle pressure of a hand on his spark, and it made him squirm uncomfortably to know he'd been touched  _ there _ . It was practically sparkrape, and that... that was just wrong. But then, so were hacking and reprogramming, and he'd already been subjected to both. Why  _ not _ throw sparkrape in there too?

He stared miserably at the ceiling above his berth, hands twitching and curling at his sides as he struggled to make sense of his confused thoughts. Soundwave claimed that right and wrong had no place in war. Starscream had denied that, but what if he was right? The Decepticons would resort to hacking when other forms of interrogation failed, and they had reprogrammed a few bots too. Was that wrong, or did the war mean it was okay? Either way, how could it  _ ever _ be right to deal with troublesome soldiers the same way they did enemies?

Starscream had told Skywarp that if they trained the same way they fought, they would need repairs after every session. He  _ knew _ that was true, so shouldn't the same principle apply to hacking? But if it did, how could  _ anyone _ justify what had been done to him? Even Shockwave wouldn't be able to do that, if only because it was illogical to damage one's allies. So how could Megatron and Soundwave do it?

Starscream rolled onto his side to stare unseeingly at the wall. He didn't understand why all of this was happening to him. What had he done that was so wrong? Maybe he argued a lot, but he really didn't defy Megatron  _ that _ often, and whatever others said, he wasn't a traitor. He hadn't even done anything wrong lately, at least that he was aware of. Why would Megatron order something like this without provocation? And what about Soundwave? Did he really think their leader had gone too far, or was it just another lie? Why had he even lied in the first place?

There were too many questions Starscream didn't have the answers to, and that included the most important question of how he was going to get  _ out _ of this mess. Soundwave obviously wasn't going to be any help, and Megatron had made it clear that he wanted to see Starscream broken, so there was no point in talking to him. Shockwave... even if Starscream could contact him without anyone knowing, he wasn't about to trust his mind to a scientist with a history of performing horrible experiments on unwilling subjects. But there was no one else he could turn to. He didn't know any other Decepticons who had a working knowledge of coding, or even any influence with Megatron.

Of course, there  _ were _ other bots in the universe who weren't Decepticons... But there was no point in thinking like that. The Neutrals in the war had long since scattered to the stars, and no Autobot would ever consider helping him. Even if they did, how could he be sure they wouldn't take the opportunity to make their own changes? Anyone who got into his mind would have a chance to frag him up even more than he already had been. How could he risk that? This program needed to be removed, and soon, but how could he trust  _ anyone _ with his mind after what Soundwave had done to him?

He rolled again, flicking his wings out of the way as he settled on his front. Then he shut off his optics and hid his face in his arms, trying to ignore the hollow ache clawing at his insides. There was no way out, was there? This program was going to take away everything he was, and he couldn't stop it because he couldn't trust anyone. He was a slave now, less than the lowest bot, and that was all he would ever be. Megatron had finally won.

"This isn't fair," he muttered, not caring how childish he sounded. He had been reprogrammed for no reason he could discern, his own mind was being turned against him, and there was nowhere he could go for help. It  _ wasn't _ fair, and it was made all the worse by his own extensive knowledge of coding. He had spent more than three decades studying the subject before he finally wrote his virus, and he'd learned even more while recovering from the damage it caused. But everything he knew was  _ useless _ to him now, just because he couldn't change his own fragging code.

Well. Unless he wrote another virus. But was it worth the risk? He knew he had trouble responding appropriately in social situations, and another mistake like the last one could shut down his social center entirely. He might  _ not _ make a mistake, but there was no way to know for sure until it was too late. These things were too complicated to run accurate simulations for.

He groaned in helpless frustration and twisted until he was on his back again, then raised a hand to rub his chest, wishing he could remove the phantom sensations from his spark by doing so. Why did Megatron have to be so  _ stupid _ all the time? He was  _ always _ messing with things he didn't understand, and more often than not it ended badly, but did he ever learn? Of course not! The oh-so-mighty leader of the Decepticons  _ never _ made mistakes, and it was treasonous to even suggest that such a thing was possible!

For a few moments Starscream glared at the ceiling, fingers curling into claws on his canopy. Then he snarled and shoved himself from the berth, pacing as his anger doubled back on itself.  _ Why _ hadn't he brought up what he'd discovered about this new program when Megatron asked all those questions about it? He'd been  _ handed _ the perfect opportunity and hadn't said  _ anything! _ How did he expect to fix things if he kept panicking, freezing up, and doing crazy slag like going to  _ Soundwave _ for help?

"Frag it all!" he burst out. He hooked his chair with a foot mid-stride and pivoted, hurling it into a wall with enough force that it ricocheted. He kicked the berth as he passed, then slammed his fist into the wall on his way out the door. He needed to break something or shoot something or...  _ something! Anything _ that would let him stop  _ thinking! _

His optics widened and his wings hiked up when he stalked around a corner and saw Soundwave coming toward him. He could think of only one reason for Soundwave to be down this way, and that reason shattered any self-restraint he had left.

"And where do you think  _ you're _ going?" he demanded, coming to a halt in the middle of the hall. Soundwave stopped as well, head tilting as he regarded the furious Seeker.

"Soundwave: looking for Starscream," he answered calmly. "You were unwell last night. I wished to check on you."

"'Unwell'," Starscream repeated slowly, as though the word was a previously unknown curse. "What an  _ impactful _ way you have of putting things. Listening to you, one would think I was merely a bit sick instead of having a fragging  _ panic attack!" _

His voice went up in both volume and pitch as he spoke, hands clenched into fists at his sides. Even as angry as he was, he couldn't repress the fear that sent gentle tremors through his wings and down into his hands. But he took a single step forward, then another, trying to pass the shaking off as rage-induced.

"What makes you think I'd want you checking on me anyway? I know what you did! You said you only reprogrammed me because you had no choice, but if that was true, you  _ wouldn't _ have used the program you did! Slaggit, Soundwave, of all the programs you could have used on me, why the  _ frag _ did you choose Euthenra's Virus?"

"It was a perfectly legal program before the war-" Soundwave began, but Starscream cut him off with a sharp laugh.

"Oh, well! As long as I was enslaved through  _ legal _ means, it's okay, isn't it?" he sneered. "Never mind that your 'perfectly legal program' was controversial even among slave owners! It was illegal in five City-states which permitted the use of slave programming, and why? Because unlike all the other 'legal' programs, this one doesn't just control a bot's body, it frags up their  _ minds. _ How could you  _ do _ this to me?"

"You ignore the reasons why it was legal in other City-states," Soundwave said as Starscream stopped advancing just out of arm's reach, glaring murderously up at him. "It has a low glitch-rate and is only damaging when removed. Subjects eventually obey their masters willingly, and grow content in their roles. It is less cruel than programs which bring about obedience through force."

"But it  _ does _ use force! It's  _ forcing _ me to change my habits and emotional responses, and- and how can you say it's not damaging? Does mental and emotional damage mean  _ nothing _ to you?"

"Starscream, calm down," Soundwave said sternly. "Your systems can't handle this much stress right now." He stepped forward, but Starscream ducked around him and quickly backed away, raising his weapons as Soundwave half-turned to watch him.

"Stay away from me," Starscream hissed savagely. "It's your fault that I'm like this.  _ Yours. _ You hacked me, you fragged me up. I can't handle stress because of you, and I  _ am _ stressed because of you. You say you want to help me? Then leave me alone. Because I don't want anything to do with you."

"You're overreacting-" Soundwave began, but those two words were more than Starscream could take.

"I FRAGGING WELL AM  _ NOT _ OVERREACTING! And if you think I'm going to just  _ forgive _ you after what you did, think again! I'd have to be completely insane to even  _ consider _ it! Just stay away from me and stop acting like you're on my side! It's  _ sickening!" _

He didn't wait for a response, already turning away as he spat out the last words. He stormed down the hall as though the possibility of being attacked from behind had never occurred to him, when in reality it was all he could think about. But nothing happened, and as soon as he turned the nearest corner, he ran. He ran from the fear that had rooted so firmly in his spark and the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped in his own body. Ran from the nagging thoughts that said he would regret losing his temper, and that he was asking to be hurt again. He ran from the dark impulses that would prefer any kind of physical pain to the wounds inside, the ones no medic could mend.

He ran, but he couldn't escape.

Maybe he never would.

* * *

 

This, Soundwave reflected, was exactly why he'd checked the security cameras to make sure this sector was empty before coming to speak with Starscream. The temperamental Seeker always transitioned from fear to anger sooner or later, and Soundwave had known there would be a lot of shouting when it happened. Given the nature of Starscream's rant, it seemed to have been a good thing that he made sure no one was around to hear it.

There was no reason to stay here any longer, so Soundwave went back the way he'd come, lost in thought. It was inconvenient that Starscream had figured out which program had been used on him, but not unexpected. His reaction to that knowledge was no surprise either, considering Vos had been one of the City-states in which obedience programs were illegal. But the  _ extremity _ of that reaction made no sense. There were countless shell programs which hadn't been legal in any City-state, ones which were designed to cause pain or override a bot's personality entirely rather than merely influence their behavior. Some could even kill the subject. In many ways Euthenra's Virus was one of the most benevolent programs of its type. So why was Starscream acting like Soundwave had tried to kill him?

Well, no matter. His anger had been accounted for, and even if Soundwave couldn't gain his trust, the program would eventually take care of that. The real problem was his stress levels, not his refusal to be anywhere near Soundwave. Some form of intervention would be required if he didn't calm down soon, and Soundwave would rather not have to do anything that might scare him again. Perhaps it  _ would _ be best to give him some space, at least for a few days. Starscream clearly believed that he'd been damaged in some way, and he had a habit of retreating into isolation when he was injured physically. His current agitation could easily be a manifestation of that same behavior.

Soundwave entered the Command Center and glanced around, taking note of Starscream's absence. If Soundwave's theory was correct, he would probably be working from his lab for the next few days. He was definitely still in the base somewhere. Frenzy was watching the security cameras from Soundwave's office, and he would call if it looked like Starscream was heading out.

There was no sign of Megatron either, to Soundwave’s disgust. He wanted to believe his leader was still concerned about the state of the army. He really did. But it was hard when Megatron was rarely around unless there was a plan to put into motion. He never seemed to think about  _ anything _ except his next plan.

Well, that wasn't entirely true, Soundwave thought darkly as he seated himself in front of a monitor. He had been watching the cameras personally when Megatron went after Starscream in the training room, and had seen what happened. He’d known Megatron would abuse his new power over Starscream, at least in the beginning. But what he'd seen was disturbing, and it was made more so by Megatron's satisfaction during the strategy meeting afterward.

Soundwave glared at the screen in front of him as he got to work, still turning this worrisome new variable over in his mind. With any luck at all, Megatron would lose interest in tormenting Starscream now that he could no longer respond the way he used to. But how much danger would Starscream be in until they reached that point?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably guess, Euthenra's Virus was named after its developer (Euthenra was derived from euthanasia). Though not a true virus, it became known as such in scientific circles because of its side effects. Most bots neither know nor care what individual programs are called, which is why Megatron never asked Soundwave about it.
> 
> Also, horrible though the idea is, shell programs which can kill are canon. The concept was used in Beast Wars.
> 
> Anyway, in the next chapter we'll get some new perspectives from a couple bots who don't know what's going on. Hopefully it won't take another nine months to write this one.


	6. Wounds Concealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in the midst of a nightmare, time passes and life goes on. But keeping things hidden may be harder than Starscream thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traditionally, the goal for National Novel Writing Month is to write a novel of 50,000 words in 30 days. My goal for NaNoWriMo was to get this chapter finished. It's not much of a goal, I'll admit, but I'm happy to say that I achieved it. Maybe next year I'll try for two.

Polarized   
We are existing   
In two different worlds   
Where do we go from here?   
I need to know

"When truth lies" - Vanishing Point

* * *

 

Starscream stood motionless in the hall outside the rec room, leaning back against a wall as he stared at the doors in front of him. He hadn't been there for very long, a minute at most, but the fact that he was hesitating at all bothered him more than he cared to admit. It wasn't like he had a  _ reason _ to hesitate. Public areas were the safest places to be if Soundwave was up to something, and he had no desire to be alone after everything that had happened. So why was this so hard?

He lowered his head to stare at the floor, fingers curling against the wall behind him. Two weeks. It had been almost two weeks since his reprogramming, and he had no idea how he was going to make it another two. He spent the days trying to do his job while avoiding both Megatron and Soundwave, and at night he holed up in his lab, unable to make himself return to his quarters. He'd tried recharging in a chair with little success, and the lack of rest combined with constant stress was beginning to wear down his systems. As if that wasn't bad enough, he seemed to have picked up a couple viruses when Soundwave bypassed his firewalls, and he hadn't noticed them until they became active because he'd neglected to run a diagnostic after being hacked. So on top of everything else, he'd spent the last week trying to hide the symptoms while working on antiviral programs that would attack the viruses without targeting his own code. Which wasn't as easy as it should have been, because the stronger of the two was corrupted to the point where he couldn't even tell what it was originally.

He wished he could say that the worst of his troubles was his inability to find a way out of his situation. But it wasn't. All of his ideas were unworkable at best, and everything else he had to fight with was making it increasingly hard to hold his desperation in check, but it wasn't the worst part. Not really.

Starscream shut off his optics and cycled a slow ventilation, bracing himself. Then he pushed off from the wall and stepped towards the rec room doors, which slid open at his approach. Starscream habitually swept his gaze over the occupants of the large room as he entered. Seeing no sign of either Soundwave or Megatron, he then headed for the energon dispenser set up by the back wall, making a point of keeping his head up and wings high. No one would suspect anything was wrong unless he gave them reason to, and he was determined that no one would ever find out what had happened to him.

He glanced around again upon reaching his destination, then removed a data chip from subspace and inserted it into a slot on the dispenser. Everyone on base had a similar chip to insure they couldn't take more than their allotted rations, and with so many frametypes using the same dispenser, the chips also served to tell the machine what the fuelling requirements of their holders were. The system couldn't account for the needs of individuals, but it was better than giving the same fuel to vastly different models and expecting them all to function normally.

A tube of additives rolled out of a chute placed next to the filling cube, and Starscream picked it up absently before turning to stare out at the other bots in the room. How would they react if they knew what he'd been reduced to? They would never follow his orders again, that much was certain. No one would obey a mech who was weak enough to be hacked, let alone reprogrammed. They might even demand that he be stripped of his rank and relegated to the bottom of the hierarchy, because that was where slaves belonged. If any of them found out about this...

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the doors opening, and he quickly turned his attention to the entryway. He relaxed when he saw that it was only Dead End and Breakdown, but didn't stop watching them until they moved toward the table where the other Stunticons were messing around. Satisfied that there was no threat, he turned back to the energon dispenser, wings twitching anxiously as he put his back to the doors. If Soundwave came in, or Megatron, he wanted to know about it. He didn't want to be taken by surprise again, especially after Soundwave had triggered that flashback. Of course, it might have been caused by the door he'd backed into, and not by Soundwave himself. Or maybe it had been the combination of the two that brought the memory back in such force. Whatever the case, he didn't want to go through it again. Living it once had been bad enough.

It seemed to take forever for his cube to finish filling, and he felt a rush of relief when he was finally able to retrieve it and turn away from the dispenser, bringing the doors back into view. But that relief was replaced by restlessness as he scanned the assembled mechs again, wondering if any of them had noticed anything strange about his recent behavior. If they had, how hard would it be to figure out that he'd been attacked?

_ This _ was the worst part of being reprogrammed. The anxiety when he was around people, the struggle to pretend everything was normal, the fear of what would happen if he was found out. He could handle the solitude. He could cope with the aftereffects of being hacked. He could even forget about the new coding if he was sufficiently absorbed in his work. But it hurt to see everyone around him going about their lives like nothing had changed, and it was a pain he didn't know how to deal with.

He made his way along the edge of the room to a corner table, trying to ignore his surroundings, but unable to stop watching the other mechs out the corner of his optic. Once he was seated he allowed himself a few moments to properly survey the room, then turned his attention to his energon. The sharp, faintly metallic scent of the fuel made his tanks churn in protest, but he ignored it, just as he'd done for the last several days. He couldn't afford to lose recharge  _ and _ miss meals.

His hands shook when he broke the seal on the additive tube and poured the powdered metals into the energon. The trembling was slight enough that even someone standing right next to him wasn't likely to notice, but he still had to resist the urge to make sure no one was looking. He  _ had _ to act like nothing was wrong, no matter how torn up he was inside. It couldn't be too hard; he was used to pushing down pain and burying it until it stopped hurting. He was good at it. All he had to do was forget what it felt like to be hacked, or at least forget how terrifying it had been. But how could he when the memories wouldn't leave him alone?

He swirled the cube to mix in the additives, resting his chin in his free hand as he studied an oil stain on the table. His fear of being found out might have been the worst thing about all this, but his fear of the past was a close second. He hadn't had any more flashbacks, thank Primus, but the nightmares were another story. It was hard to fall asleep in a chair, and the idea of being so vulnerable if Soundwave came after him again made it harder still. But it was completely impossible when he knew what was waiting for him as soon as he dozed off. After the last attempt he'd decided to give up on recharge entirely, regardless of the effect on his systems.

He sighed and drained a third of his cube in one go, then set it down while his tanks decided what they would do with the energon. His overheated systems had already rejected fuel once, and he didn't want to waste the entire cube if it happened again.

"Starscream. I would like to speak to you."

Starscream groaned inwardly when Hook's voice penetrated the haze around his mind. Out of all the mechs he wasn't actively avoiding, why did the surgeon-turned-medic have to be the one who approached him? If anyone was going to realize he was ill, it would be Hook.

"I'm on break," he grunted without looking up. "If you want something, make an appointment."

"Interesting choice of words," Hook commented, and Starscream scowled at the table when he sat down unbidden. "As it happens, appointments are exactly what I wanted to discuss."

Starscream hummed disinterestedly, hoping Hook would go away if he didn't pay attention. No such luck; when it became clear that he would contribute nothing more, Hook simply kept speaking. "As you may recall, I decided that the new additions to our ranks made this the perfect time to give everyone a full systems check and viral scan. Unfortunately, certain mechs seem to think it's beneath them to actually  _ show up _ for their appointments."

"So what?" Starscream asked despite himself. Hook made an impatient sound.

_ "So _ the Stunticons' systems are still learning how to respond to and handle abnormal functioning, and the Combaticons' antiviral software is millions of years out of date. A virus you or I would never even notice could easily slip through their firewalls and cause serious damage. A mech with your history should be  _ quite _ aware of that."

Starscream narrowed his optics, wings lifting in a silent warning. Hook was one of the very few bots who knew about the state of his coding, thanks to past viral scans, and Starscream had made it clear that he should keep that information to himself. The damage didn't affect Starscream's ability to function in any way that mattered, so no one needed to know. Nor did they need yet another reason to doubt his sanity, which was why even Hook didn't know the origin of the virus.

"Fine," Starscream said. "So you don't want anyone transmitting viruses to the poor vulnerable newbies. What does that have to do with me?"

"Well, for one thing," Hook said drily,  _ "you're _ one of the mechs who refuses to come to his appointments."

Starscream shrugged, picking up his ration. "What's the point? My firewalls are up to date, and I run regular diagnostic scans to catch anything that slips by.  _ Your _ scans couldn't tell me anything I don't already know." Not to mention the fact that it was too late anyway. If he submitted to a checkup now, he would have to explain where his viruses came from and why he'd failed to run a diagnostic - or better yet, gone in for a scan - after being hacked. Then Hook might discover a certain addition to his programming and-

"Diagnostics can't catch everything," Hook said curtly as Starscream swallowed down the acid feeling in his tanks and returned his untouched cube to the table. "And they can malfunction as readily as any other system. I really think it's time you got checked out properly."

There was something pointed in his tone that Starscream didn't like, and he silently cursed his inability to figure out what bothered him about it. He balled his hands into fists, digging his fingers into his palms in an effort to stay focused, and cycled a slow ventilation. "You said, 'for one thing'," he stated, anxious to change the subject. "You have another reason for bothering me with this?"

Hook's visor couldn't hide the frown that briefly crossed his face, but after a moment he only nodded. "Two others, actually. One being that the Combaticons also refuse to show up, and Onslaught told me that I could take it up with you if I didn't like it."

Starscream forced his hands open, wings flicking restlessly as they returned to their normal height. "Can you blame them? The last time someone messed with their systems they were being reprogrammed." His voice faltered on the last word, but he quickly recovered himself and went on. "Anyway, you're wasting your time fighting with them. I updated their software and installed new firewalls while I was working on their code."

"It's not your place to be dealing with such things," Hook began stiffly, but Starscream interrupted him with a snort.

"Oh please. I'm an unlicensed programmer, and your knowledge of coding is limited to recognizing and treating viruses. Any firewall of  _ my _ design is going to be far superior to whatever  _ you _ might piece together using outdated medical texts, and we both know it."

Hook stiffened, and Starscream smirked to better conceal how upsetting this topic was. He leaned forward to brace his elbows on the table, head tilted. "So what was your third reason?" he asked mildly, hoping Hook would just give up and leave. But he seemed determined to speak his mind, because after a short pause he gave an exaggerated sigh and drew himself up.

"I've been scanning mechs when they come into the med bay for other reasons," he explained, injured pride dripping from every word. "But it's going to take forever to finish the check ups at this rate, especially as  _ certain _ mechs prefer to disappear and tend to their own damage." He paused to give Starscream a hard stare. "The other Constructicons and I have been dragging bots in when we can find them, but one is being  _ especially _ stubborn about avoiding us. Well, one apart from you."

"You've made your point, but I'm still not coming in," Starscream said flatly, pushing himself upright. "So I assume you want me to send Skywarp in?"

"I would prefer it if you came in and brought him with you," Hook replied, openly ignoring the first half of his statement. "It would be far simpler for everyone involved."

"Mm-hm." Starscream stood and picked up his ration. "I'll talk to Skywarp. But we have an officers' meeting in three hours, I'm in the middle of five different projects, and I'm sure our  _ wonderful _ leader is going to have another plan of attack soon. So I really don't have  _ time _ for your stupid tests."

"I'll see you in about two weeks, then," Hook countered smoothly. "I expect that's how long it will take you to collapse from overwork."

Starscream's mouth twisted into a sardonic smile. "Your concern is touching, but unnecessary. I know how to take care of myself."

"I've yet to see proof of that," Hook muttered, but Starscream just walked away and pretended not to hear the quiet insult. He couldn't handle one more minute trapped in this pointless conversation, and he did have a lot of work to do. Antiviral programs didn't write themselves, and he needed to finish the one he was working on before the next mission. Right now he couldn't even activate his comm unit because viruses could spread wirelessly, and while most firewalls would stop the weaker of the two, he didn't know how strong the corrupted one was. It was better not to risk it if he didn't have to.

A small part of him wondered where Soundwave had gotten these viruses to begin with. Why he wasn't affected was obvious: Most cybernetic viruses had to latch onto a specific string of code within a bot's system in order to become active, and Empaths didn't have the right programs to trigger either of the ones Starscream was infected with. Where Soundwave got them was actually obvious too, because his role as Communications Officer meant that he was always picking things up, simply by listening in on all of the wireless transmissions. But he was supposed to get regular scans to make sure his firewalls were holding up, and to catch anything that got through before it could become a problem. It was possible that he had picked up a virus or two since his last scan, but the odds were against it. So where had they come from? Soundwave wasn't the kind of mech to skip out on medical appointments, but... could it be that he'd been doing just that?

Starscream shook his head and tightened his grip on his cube, dragging himself out of his mind.  _ Something _ was wrong with Soundwave, there was no doubt about that, but it didn't matter what. An explanation for his aberrant behavior would be nice, but it wouldn't change the results, and those results were what Starscream needed to worry about. Anything else would only distract him, and he couldn't afford that.

But that small part of him refused to stop wondering, and he had no explanation for the heavy weight of dread that had settled in his tanks.

* * *

 

Hook frowned inwardly as he studied the results of the surreptitious scan he had run while talking to Starscream. Elevated core temperature, unusually rapid sparkpulse, ventilations slightly irregular... and that was just what could be detected by a surface scan. A message underneath the short list warned that such issues could be caused by a virus, stress or systems damage, and advised running a more thorough scan. Which Hook would gladly do if he could just get the infuriating Seeker in the med bay for an hour.

He didn't like making guesses with so little information, but judging by how tense and fidgety Starscream had been during the conversation, stress was the most likely cause for his condition. But the listlessness in his optics spoke more of physical illness, and Hook suspected that both problems were at work here. He was sorely tempted to comm Bonecrusher or Long Haul and tell them to get Starscream to the med bay by force, but given what he knew about the situation, that would be a bad idea. His job was to repair mechs, not damage them further, and his professional pride wouldn't allow him to do otherwise. So he had no choice but to either talk Starscream around or wait for him to deteriorate enough that he wouldn't be able to avoid the med bay any longer.

Hook cleared the results from his HUD and stood, seeing no point in lingering now that his reason for being there was long gone. Pride or no pride, it was times like this when he wished Megatron would send for a proper medic. Such a mech would probably know exactly how to handle troublesome patients, not to mention possess a far better idea of how to approach cases like this. Hook  _ wasn't _ a true medic though, and he loathed being forced into a role he wasn't properly trained for. He did his best, but his field was surgery, not general health.

Alone in the hall, he allowed himself a heavy sigh. Maybe if he explained what he already knew, Starscream would be more agreeable. But he would need to get him alone somehow before they could have  _ that _ conversation, and he had no idea how to manage it - let alone broach the subject - without making things worse.

He really did hate his job.

* * *

 

"Hey, Starscream, wait up!"

Skywarp trotted down the hall after his Trineleader, huffing in annoyance when Starscream either didn't hear him or - more likely - chose to ignore him. He muttered a few choice words about deaf Trinemates and ran a quick calculation, then activated his warp drive. He came out of time-space in his customary place as Left Wing of the Trine, next to and just behind Starscream, but he didn't stay there long.

"You know, it's rude to ignore people," he said, ducking under one silver wing and making its owner jump. He started to say more, but the words died when he pivoted to face Starscream and found him shrinking back. He backpedalled a few steps, and Skywarp froze at the sight of the panic in his face. Then his optics brightened in recognition, and the fear morphed into anger.

"Fraggit, Skywarp, are you  _ trying _ to get yourself shot?" Starscream demanded. "Don't  _ do _ that!"

"Hey, I called out when I was all the way over there," Skywarp said defensively, pointing back the way he'd come. "It's not my fault if you weren't paying attention."

A strange mix of worry and disgust flickered in Starscream's optics, and his grip tightened on the energon cube he held until Skywarp heard the joints in his hand creak. But it only lasted a moment before Starscream snarled, stepping around Skywarp and continuing down the hall like nothing had happened.

"You had better have a legitimate reason for jumping in front of me," he growled, prompting Skywarp to hurry after him. "Otherwise I might decide to shoot you on purpose."

"Um... yeah," Skywarp said absently, trying to remember why he  _ had _ come looking for Starscream. "Yeah, I needed something for this prank I really  _ need _ to pull, and-"

"No.”

"But you don't even know what I was going to ask for!"

"I don't care," Starscream snapped, glaring at him. "You shouldn't go scaring the living spark out of mechs if you want them to help you."

"That was an  _ accident," _ Skywarp said impatiently. "Geez, what's got your wings all bent out of shape?"

He didn't expect a reply, so he was thrown off when Starscream grunted, "Hook."

"Oh." Skywarp thought for a moment. "Want me to prank him for you?" he asked, hoping the offer would put Starscream in a better mood. Instead it earned him another glare.

"The last time you pranked Hook,  _ I _ had to take care of your repairs for a month because you were afraid of retaliation. I won't stop you if you want to be an idiot, but I'm  _ not _ dealing with the consequences."

Skywarp lowered his wings appeasingly, unbothered by the harsh words. Starscream was always saying one thing then doing something completely different when hypothetical situations became reality. Skywarp knew that if he needed repairs and refused to go to Hook, Starscream would eventually tend to them himself, and might not even complain too much. It still helped to stay on his good side, though. Especially when Skywarp had a prank to pull, and needed something from his lab to do it.

"So you're mad at Hook and taking it out on me because I scared you," he summarized matter-of-factly. "What if I apologize? Will you help me then?"

"Not likely," Starscream said bluntly. Before Skywarp could protest further he added, "But if you stop avoiding your medical exam, I'll consider it."

Skywarp grimaced. "You can't be serious. You've been avoiding yours too, I  _ know _ you have. So why can't I?"

Starscream shrugged. "That's my price, take it or leave it. But if you take it, I expect you to make an appointment before the day is done. And I  _ will _ find out when it is, so if you don't go on your own, I'll tell Thundercracker to drag you there."

"I don't think you realize what's at stake here," Skywarp pressed. "The honor of our Trine  _ depends _ on me pulling this prank!"

"Primus forbid that this Trine is in any way dependent on your pranks," Starscream muttered scathingly. "But if it's so important, you should be more than willing to sacrifice a few hours of your time and comfort to the med bay."

Skywarp glared at him for a few seconds, wondering if this prank was really so important after all. When the answer turned out to be yes, he groaned. "All right,  _ fine. _ I'll make the stupid appointment.  _ Now _ will you help me?"

"You'll  _ go _ to this appointment as well?"

Drat.  _ "Yes." _

Starscream hummed as they stopped outside his lab, shifting one wing to block Skywarp's view of the keypad while he entered the doorcode. "Fine," he said at length. "But I need to know what you want, what you're planning to use it for-"

"And don't touch anything, I know." Skywarp lingered in the doorway after Starscream strode through, surveying the crowded room uneasily. It wasn't very big, and the small space was made even smaller by the tables that lined every wall. Steel crates under the tables were overflowing with gadgets that had been butchered for parts, and the shelves above were crammed with datapads. The tables themselves were littered with more parts, as well as containers of smaller components. Massive cabinets were placed in three corners of the room, while the fourth held a computer console set just far enough from the back wall that a bot could fit behind it, allowing Starscream to face the door while he worked. Most of the remaining floorspace was taken up by a tool-covered table in the middle of the room, and projects in various states of completion occupied every flat surface not already taken by something else.

To a grounder it probably looked like a mess. To a Seeker, it was a clear attempt to block out the world.

"You've cleaned up since I was last here," Skywarp commented, more to take his mind off his restlessness than anything. Starscream grunted, moving some of the tools on the center table and setting his ration in the resulting space.

"I just rearranged a few things." He turned back to Skywarp. "So what do you need?"

"Acid." Seeing the look on Starscream's face, Skywarp quickly added, "Not anything strong, just something like what etchers use to burn paint into metal."

"Hmm." Starscream briefly considered his Trinemate through narrowed optics, then moved to one of the cabinets, wings held high to avoid hitting anything. Skywarp shifted his weight to one foot and glanced around the room again, then finally ventured far enough inside that the door could slide shut.

Contrary to popular belief, Seekers weren't generally claustrophobic. In fact, they preferred small spaces when they felt scared or vulnerable, and that was exactly why Skywarp didn't like visiting Starscream's lab. Safety was supposed to be found with one's Trine; few Seekers had a need for a designated safe place unless they had trouble trusting others, and Skywarp hated knowing his Trinemate was one of those wounded mechs. Empowered Seekers like him were supposed to look out for their Sigma-less brethren, and this room was a constant reminder that he had not only failed to do so, but he  _ continued _ to fail simply by doing nothing about the way Megatron treated Starscream. It didn't matter that Megatron was their superior, or that Starscream would refuse aid even if it was offered. All that mattered was that Skywarp's culture expected certain things from him, and he wasn't doing any of it.

Skywarp turned back to Starscream, remembering his frightened reaction in the halls, and wondered if he’d spent a lot of time here recently.

"Strong or not, you still have to tell me what you're going to do with this," Starscream said as he sorted through the bottles in the cabinet, reminding Skywarp that they were in the middle of a conversation. "I'm not giving you something only to find out you're going to misuse it."

Skywarp snorted a laugh. "Oh, no worries there. If you do have etcher's acid, I'm going to use it  _ exactly _ the way it's meant to be used."

Starscream half-turned to frown at him, optics still narrowed suspiciously. "All right, what are you planning to paint?"

"Dirge," Skywarp replied cheerfully, all anxiety forgotten as his impending prank returned to the forefront of his mind. "Well, his whole Trine really. He insulted ours, so now I'm going to humiliate his."

_ "Dirge _ insulted our Trine," Starscream repeated slowly. "Are you sure you're not just taking a random comment too seriously? Again?"

"Nope. It was definitely an insult," Skywarp said firmly. "He said, to my face, that this Trine was better off before you took over."

It was a slight exaggeration. Dirge had actually asked if Skywarp ever thought about how different things could have been if he hadn't ceded control of his Trine to Starscream all those millenia ago. But it was a subject no one ever brought up unless they meant to be insulting, and Skywarp was sick of being criticized for his decision just because Sigma-less weren't supposed to lead Trines. Dirge was one of the few Trineleaders who’d never said anything about it, but that only made his recent question harder to tolerate.

Starscream tilted his head, still seeming skeptical about the great offense Dirge had committed. Then he shrugged and pulled a bottle from the cabinet before returning to the center table. "Whatever. I have more important things to worry about than what some cog-headed idiot thinks of our Trine."

Skywarp stared at him. Since when did Starscream ignore blatant attacks on his ability to lead? "Did you actually  _ hear _ me? Dirge practically  _ called _ you a bad leader."

"I'm not deaf," Starscream snapped, sounding more normal now than he had a moment before. "But as I  _ just _ said, I have bigger things to worry about. Now do you want this or not?"

The message to shut up couldn't have been more clear. Skywarp nodded mutely, then almost dropped the bottle that was shoved into his hands. "Instructions are on the label," Starscream continued. "Don't use too much, don't get it on any exposed cables, and for Primus' sake,  _ return _ it when you're done. I'm tired of coming after you to get my things back!"

Skywarp nodded again, wondering what had Starscream so riled up. It was always difficult to have a civil conversation with him, but his behavior was only this erratic when he was upset. Had something happened that Skywarp wasn't aware of?

"Is everything okay?" he asked before his better judgement could stop him. He knew it was just begging for trouble, but he couldn't help it. He liked to know what was going on, and somewhere under his curiosity, there was a glimmer of concern as well.

"Everything's  _ fine," _ Starscream hissed, turning his back on Skywarp and snatching up his ration on his way to the computer. "Or it  _ will _ be as soon as I fix our glorious leader's most recent  _ mistake." _

The last word sounded strange, as though he had to force it from his vocalizer, but the sentence as a whole was reassuringly familiar. So Megatron had done something to frag Starscream off again. Business as usual, nothing to see here.

"Well, okay then," Skywarp said. "I'd love to stay and chat, but duty calls. Don't get into  _ too _ much trouble, okay?"

He warped back to the quarters he shared with Thundercracker before Starscream could respond, and so missed seeing his Trineleader flinch at the careless words.

* * *

 

"Did you get what you were after?" Thundercracker asked from where he sat on his berth, not bothering to look up from the datapad he was reading when Skywarp teleported in.

"Mission accomplished!" Skywarp confirmed cheerfully, and even though Thundercracker wasn't looking, it was easy to picture the satisfied grin on his face. Thundercracker leaned back against the wall and glared at the bottle Skywarp held.

"Why does he enable you?" Thundercracker asked irritably. They both knew who "he" was, so Skywarp merely shrugged, sauntering over to his own berth.

"Beats me. Maybe he just understands the value of Trine."

Thundercracker snorted. "Really. I always thought it was because you don't prank him as often when he goes along with your insanity."

Skywarp smirked at him. "Yeah, that's what I just said. I wouldn't resist pranking just  _ anyone _ you know. Especially when they deserve it as often as Screamer does. The temptation is terrible though."

"Yet somehow, you survive." Thundercracker shut off his datapad and set it aside, frowning at Skywarp. He seemed perfectly happy, but long experience had taught Thundercracker how to tell when something was wrong. "So what happened?"

Skywarp paused, kneeling beside his berth. "Did something happen?"

"With Starscream," Thundercracker clarified. "You look like he blew up at you or something."

"Oh. That." Skywarp started pulling paint cans from under his berth. "Nah, he was just acting weird. You know, all jumpy and defensive."

"That doesn't really sound 'weird' to me," Thundercracker said. "That sounds like Starscream getting up to something that'll land him in trouble. Same as always."

"Starscream doesn't do jumpy and defensive unless he's already in trouble," Skywarp pointed out. "Or thinks he is.  _ Before _ he pulls something he's just loud and obnoxious."

"Again, same as always. You'd think someone as erratic as he is would have more settings than just 'causing trouble' and 'in trouble'."

Skywarp sniggered, but the sense that something was off didn't go away. Thundercracker swung his legs over the edge of the berth and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. "Seriously, though. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yeah." Skywarp paused, frowning at the bottle he'd set next to the paint cans. "Well, okay, there is one thing. Starscream wouldn't help me unless I agreed to set up an appointment with Hook."

"Does he expect you to actually go to it?"

Skywarp scowled and folded his arms sullenly. "Yes."

Thundercracker sighed. "As much as I hate to agree with Starscream on anything, I'm not getting upset with him about that. It won't kill you to get checked out once in a while."

"I don't mind getting checked  _ out," _ Skywarp protested. "It's check _ ups _ I hate."

Thundercracker groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "You know what I mean."

Skywarp laughed again. "Yeah, but my version is funnier. And more fun."

"I'm aware that checkups aren't fun. That isn't the point."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You only want to throw me to the Sharkticons because you love me. Some friend you are."

Thundercracker gave up and lifted his head. "Fine. Have it your way. What's this prank that's so important you would sacrifice yourself to the Sharkticons just so you could pull it?"

Skywarp's wings twitched upward. "I thought you'd never ask! You know how Megatron wanted a Trine to fly around Arabia, and Starscream sent Dirge's out? Well, there's a windstorm passing through where they are now, which means they're going to be filthy when they get back."

"Yeah. So?"

"So I'm going to sabotage the washracks!"

Thundercracker's gaze flicked from the paint cans to the bottle, then back to Skywarp. "The washracks. As in, the same washracks you and I use?"

"No, the officers' racks," Skywarp scoffed. "Of course it's the same washracks! Don't worry though, all the paint'll be used up on Dirge and his cronies."

"And it will be burned into their armor for Primus knows how long."

"You got it! So what color should I use? I'm thinking a nice cheerful yellow myself."

Skywarp pried the lid off of a can of garishly colored paint as he chattered on. Thundercracker nodded and asked questions in the appropriate places, but he didn't care about the prank. All he cared was that Skywarp hadn't said a word about what was  _ really _ bothering him. It clearly had to do with Starscream, though, and the only clue was that he’d apparently been behaving strangely enough for Skywarp to take note of it. Thundercracker knew he shouldn't have just dismissed it the way he had, but he'd been watching Starscream for days and hadn't noticed anything unusual. Had he missed something? Or was this new problem just hidden by all of Starscream's usual issues?

The latter seemed more likely. But whatever the case, Thundercracker was sure of one thing: He was going to be slagged off if Soundwave turned out to be right about this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What has Soundwave been telling Thundercracker? And what does Hook know? Well, this chapter would have explained that, but it was getting so long that the scene had to be moved to the next chapter. Sorry. I promise we'll find out next time though, when we get a cassette's perspective on things.


	7. Plans Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something bad is brewing. Starscream doesn't know what it is, but he knows it's there, and he wants no part of it. Unfortunately, Soundwave doesn't plan on giving him a choice. Additionally, the cassettes say what we're all thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much to say about this chapter, except that it was originally supposed to be a lot shorter, and posted a lot sooner. Then the characters took over and made me redo most of it, including the end of the first scene (the one which was originally written for the last chapter). But in terms of plot, I think this works better.
> 
> A note on terms: "Doomsday Trine" is my name for the Conehead Trine. Beacause there are other coneheaded Seekers out there, and these guys deserve a proper name.
> 
> "Slavery Imprinting" is Stockholm Syndrome. The term was coined on Cybertron to describe the illogical attachments slaves often developed to their masters.

There's truth in your lies   
Doubt in your faith   
All I've got's what you didn't take

"In Pieces" - Linkin Park

* * *

 

"I still don't get why you don't just  _ tell _ Starscream what you're up to. Seems to me like he'd help without all this tricky stuff if he knew you wanted to get rid of Megatron."

Ravage twitched an audio, but refused to online his optics when an irritated voice roused him from half-sleep. It sounded like Rumble was arguing with - or rather, at - Soundwave again, and Ravage had no desire to participate.

"Situation: complicated," Soundwave's voice replied. "Starscream wishes to take command for himself. Any alliance would end upon Megatron's death."

"If that's what he wants, why not just  _ let _ him?" Rumble demanded. "Sure, he's not a great leader, but he's gotten us out of bad spots before. If you don't want to follow Megatron anymore, why not just help  _ him _ take over?"

Ravage sighed, having asked the same question when he first learned of Soundwave's plan. The answer had been unsatisfactory then, and it seemed completely fragged up now. But apart from that sigh, he remained silent as Soundwave replied. "Starscream is capable, but requires supervision. He's a danger to himself and others when he isn't thinking clearly, and needs someone to keep him in check. Ergo: he is unfit for leadership."

"Okay, maybe you've got a point there," Rumble conceded. "But  _ reprogramming? _ Isn't that kind of an extreme way to keep him from doing crazy stuff?"

"It removes the need to control him through force, and makes it easier to stop him before he goes too far. When the time comes, it will also insure his cooperation in defeating Megatron, and prevent attempts to usurp me afterward."

"And that's the part I don't get. Why wouldn't he help on his own? He already wants to kill Megatron, so why go to all this trouble to  _ make _ him help?"

"Several reasons," Laserbeak's voice interjected. "The most important being that Soundwave has a reputation for  _ loyalty. _ Do you honestly think Starscream would believe that he was planning against Megatron?"

"Well... Maybe not," Rumble muttered. "Not at first, anyway."

"Exactly. For another thing, the only way Starscream could ever actually kill Megatron would be on impulse. He's psychologically incapable of it otherwise, with or without help."

"Yeah, right," Frenzy joined in with a scoff. "You make it sound like he doesn't  _ actually _ want to kill him."

"He doesn't," Soundwave stated. "Starscream desires command, not Megatron's death. If he could attain one without the other, he would."

"Okay, wait a minute," Rumble said. "You set things up so you can take control of him 'when the time comes' and make him help you kill Megatron even if he doesn't want to? That's... Where does  _ helping _ him come in?"

"You know how Megatron treats him. It may trouble him at first, but in the long run his life will be greatly improved by Megatron's removal."

Ravage wasn't so sure of that. True, Starscream would live a  _ healthier _ life without Megatron constantly tearing into him, but their relationship was far more complicated than that of a victim becoming attached to his abuser. Theirs was a connection forged through millennia spent fighting side by side, hurting, helping, hating, and relying on each other in equal measure. Twisted and unhealthy though it might be, it was as powerful as any lovers' bond, and Ravage honestly didn't know if Starscream could recover from its loss. Not without help that Soundwave would never be able to give, no matter how he tried, if he was responsible for that loss.

"What I want to know," Laserbeak said, "is how you expect Starscream to trust you. After everything you've done and still plan to do, why would he?"

"Slavery Imprinting," Soundwave replied easily. "When bots are isolated and scared for extended periods, they’ll accept comfort from any source. Eventually Starscream will turn to me because he has nowhere else to go."

Ravage snorted, but the sound was covered by Laserbeak saying, "Imprinting requires the oppressed to form a positive emotional attachment to its oppressor. Starscream might not be able to do that with his protocols in such bad shape. And even if he could, wouldn't his programming latch onto Megatron as his primary source of comfort?"

"Unlikely. Megatron is not tolerant of weakness. Starscream knows this, and his programming will respond accordingly."

"Yeah, and don't forget what Megatron did to him," Frenzy added. "I dunno about the rest of you, but I'd want to stay far away from anyone who grabbed  _ my _ spark."

"Be that as it may, this program will leave him reliant on Megatron," Laserbeak argued. "Who's to say that reliance won't include the fulfilment of his emotional needs?"

"Smaller words, Beaky," Rumble muttered. "Some of us like things simple."

The last part was clearly directed at Soundwave, who seemed completely unconcerned when he said, "Euthenra's Virus does foster some emotional dependence. However, Megatron won't be Starscream's master long enough for it to matter."

An uncomfortable silence followed these words, and Ravage finally lifted his head to survey the office from his place in front of a heat vent. Buzzsaw had accompanied the Doomsday Trine to Arabia, but Ravage could see Laserbeak perched on the edge of Soundwave's desk. Rumble and Frenzy were seated in front of a bank of monitors displaying security feeds, and Ratbat clung to the top edge of one monitor, solemnly watching his creator and siblings. Soundwave himself sat at the desk, seemingly focused on a datapad, and definitely pretending not to notice the effects of his casual statement on his cassettes. But Ravage knew they were all aware of the implications it carried, even if no one said anything.

It was Ratbat who finally broke the silence. "What happens if Megatron figures out you're planning against him?"

All of them, Ratbat included, knew the answer to that. But Ravage could feel his youngest sibling's worry in the empathic bond that linked them all together, and could sympathize with his need to hear Soundwave acknowledge that what he was doing was  _ dangerous. _ They all felt that way, and none of them made any attempt to hide their anxiety and concern. Even though they had learned by now that Soundwave wouldn't listen to them.

"You worry too much," he said now, brushing his mind soothingly over theirs. "Megatron has no reason to suspect me of treachery. But that's part of why Starscream can't know about this. He's always had trouble keeping secrets from Megatron, and it will be harder for him now. It's safer for him, and us, if he doesn't know anything until it's time."

That was too much. Ravage stood and trotted up to the desk, approach silenced by the rubber pads on his paws. He leapt onto the desktop, then crouched low and fixed Soundwave with a reproachful stare. "You're not telling us everything either."

"It's safer," Soundwave repeated, regret seeping into their connection. "I don't believe any of you would betray me, but it's better that you know as little as possible."

"You think something might go wrong then?"

"No plan has a one hundred percent chance of success. If the worst happens, I have no intention of letting any of you suffer for my actions."

"If Megatron figures this out, we'll suffer anyway!" Ravage protested, tail lashing in frustration. "He'll  _ kill _ you if he finds out you're trying to overthrow him!"

"As long as he doesn't harm you as well, it will be worth the risk. The Decepticons lost their way long ago. Megatron has become as corrupt as the Senate was, and I took far too long in realizing it. But I see it now, and I will do whatever it takes to return us to our original path."

"But we were fighting  _ against _ all that slavery stuff back then!" Rumble burst out. "How can you fix things when your first step was to enslave Starscream?"

"I merely did what I was ordered to do," Soundwave stated. "If Megatron had decided against this, it wouldn't have happened."

"Yeah, but  _ you _ suggested it! Frag, you  _ encouraged _ it-"

_ "Enough." _ Soundwave's presence in the bond grew suddenly cold, and Ravage shrank down against the desktop like the change was a physical blow. He was distantly aware of the other cassettes responding similarly, but a mental tug drew his attention very firmly to his creator.

"You are confused and worried. I understand that," Soundwave said harshly. "But you have to trust that I know what I'm doing. Yes, my methods are questionable. Yes, Starscream will struggle for a time. But it's a necessary evil, and a temporary arrangement. Once this is over, everything will be put right."

His mind released those of his cassettes and his presence pulled out of the connection entirely. Ravage ducked his head and retreated to the far edge of the desk, optics narrowed to angry slits. "He does have a point," he growled. "Starscream doesn't exactly take good care of himself when he's stressed. Sooner or later someone's going to realize something's wrong, and if Hook gets hold of him, a deep scan will find any program his system labels foreign, including this one. Just how do you plan to keep this a secret?"

For a moment it seemed as though Soundwave wouldn't answer, and restlessness permeated the cassettes' side of the link. Finally, he said, "That is why Hook already knows. He also knows what will happen if he says anything."

Ravage stared at him, mind going completely blank. Then he demanded "Does Megatron know?" at the same time that Laserbeak squawked, "Have you been  _ threatening _ our medic?"

"Affirmative," Soundwave replied, though it was impossible to tell which question he was answering until he looked at Ravage and continued, "Megatron would not even consider reprogramming Starscream unless it could be kept a secret. He knows I have taken steps to insure that." To Laserbeak he added, "Hook is against this, but he agreed to tell no one, including his Gestalt. Threatening him was unnecessary."

He stood, subspacing his datapad. "I have also informed Thundercracker that Starscream's mental state has taken a turn for the worse, and that I am attempting to handle it. He will help us watch him, and agreed to tell others only if they notice a change in Starscream's behavior. Hook, if asked, will tell the same story. Query: is that the end of your questions?"

His word choice made it clear that it had better be, so Ravage decided not to push him. When no one else said anything, Soundwave stepped around the desk and left the room. Several seconds passed as the cassettes waited for him to get out of audio range, then they exchanged tired, unhappy looks.

"Frag," Frenzy muttered, slumping low in his chair and shaking his head. "He's really lost it, hasn't he?"

"It is ironic that he would use Starscream's mental health as a cover story when it's his own that's deteriorating," Laserbeak said bitterly, shifting his wings. "Although there's certainly truth to that story, given how badly Starscream has been affected." He glanced at Ravage, and the only other cassette who had personally witnessed Starscream's suffering sighed.

"We all knew this could happen," Ravage murmured, settling himself on the desk and resting his head on his paws.

"Yeah, but why did it  _ have _ to?" Rumble demanded, kicking the base of the console in front of him. But no one had an answer for him beyond what they had all known from a young age: War was no place for an Empath. The ability to read minds could be useful, even invaluable, in a fight, but the constant presence of death and pain would eventually drive a bot to madness. The only real defense was to shut down emotionally and stop feeling anything for other people, but that was arguably an even worse option. It could, and too often did, result in everything from depressed isolation to unfeeling cruelty towards others.

There was a reason why there had never been many Empaths involved in the war, even during the early days. Those who could had fled, and most of those who stayed through choice or necessity couldn't handle the stress. Sometimes Ravage had to wonder what demons haunted the Autobots Blaster and Red Alert, the latter of whom was an identified half-breed Empath.

"Why do you think Megatron wants to keep all this a secret?" Ratbat asked, obviously changing the subject. "He doesn't need to threaten Starscream with revealing it to make him obey, so what's the point?"

"Well, he  _ was _ very adamant about wanting Starscream to be able to do his job," Laserbeak pointed out. "And Starscream wasn't officially demoted. I would guess Megatron still intends for him to take command if anything happens to him."

Ratbat tilted his head. "Can he do that?"

"Under ordinary circumstances, programmed slaves can be released by the deaths of their masters," Laserbeak explained. "The program will reactive if a new master is registered, but otherwise it goes dormant and bots can go about their lives with minimal impact from the coding."

"Minimal impact, huh?" Rumble said doubtfully. "What would that mean for Starscream?"

"Self-doubt. Anxiety." Laserbeak shifted his wings in a shrug. "His usual behavior, in other words. But if it served to  _ amplify _ his usual behavior, he'd be impossible to live with."

"'Under ordinary circumstances'," Ravage repeated softly, shifting his gaze to a monitor where Starscream was visible, sitting alone in the War Room. "But these aren't ordinary circumstances, are they?"

Once again, the answer was too obvious to warrant a reply.

* * *

 

Starscream hated officers' meetings. He hated the endless arguing and infighting which kept any real work from getting done, hated the way everyone always vied for Megatron's approval, hated the air of superiority given off by every mech who acted like the Decepticons would just fall apart without them. Admittedly, Starscream wasn't completely innocent of such behavior himself, but his case was different. The army  _ would _ fall apart without its Second-in-Command to keep things running smoothly, and he felt that those fights he started personally - which was most of them - were fully justified.

The thing he hated most, though, was how utterly  _ pointless _ these meetings were. It didn't matter what issues were brought up or what suggestions were made. Megatron would do whatever the frag he felt like, and no trivial matter like a lack of resources was going to stop him. It was just one more example of his incompetence as a leader, and one more reason why Starscream could do a far better job.

He’d barely completed the mutinous thought when a wave of guilt swept through him, merging with his ever-present anxiety in a smothering blanket of tension. He stubbornly tried to continue his silent complaints, but the painful mix of emotions and physical illness made him feel dizzy and closed in, and he reluctantly backed off when it became too much. Thankfully, no one had joined him in the War Room yet, so he would hopefully be able to keep his distress private.

Starscream braced his forearms on the table, leaning on it for support and shutting off his optics. It took several seconds of slow, deep ventilations to convince his body that there was no shortage of cool air, and that he was neither trapped nor suffocating. The claustrophobic feelings didn't fade completely, but they slowly became bearable, and that was all Starscream expected at this point.

Once his spark had slowed its frantic pulsing somewhat, he reactivated his optics and tried to get his thoughts back to where they were  _ supposed _ to be. Another few minutes passed as he glared at the datapad which lay on the table in front of him, lips moving silently as he read out the information it displayed. But although the motions helped him focus, he was still unable to remember a word he'd just read when he looked away. He muttered some fully audible curses and shut off the pad, then sat back to stare moodily around the empty room.

He wanted to get this meeting over with. Logically he knew arriving early wouldn't get it out of the way any faster, but the more restless part of his mind insisted that if he was here, then he was one step closer to being done than he would be if he  _ wasn't _ here. The reasoning didn't make sense if he looked at it too closely, but the step-by-step approach was more appealing than a second-by-second countdown, so he chose to take it at face value. Now if only someone else would show up so he could move another step closer to getting out of here.

Starscream sighed and leaned forward again, folding his arms over the tabletop and letting his wings droop. He desperately hoped that he would be able to slip away after the meeting without being held back by Megatron, but he didn't really expect it. Up to now Megatron had done little to counter his efforts to avoid him, but Starscream couldn't believe there was any innocent reason for that. It wasn't a matter of  _ if _ Megatron would take advantage of his new helplessness, only of how and when, and he didn't doubt Megatron enjoyed making him wait.

That wait was pure agony.

The soft whoosh of a door opening brought him back to full alertness in an instant, and he quickly raised his wings along with his head. Then he stiffened and drew back, optics brightening with renewed fear as they locked onto the mech entering the room. Soundwave paused when he noticed Starscream, head tilting, then continued forward on a path that put the table between them. Starscream tracked him halfway across the room before snarling and tearing his gaze away, staring down at his fisted hands. Metal creaked as Soundwave took his usual seat across from Starscream, who hunched his shoulders and struggled to keep his ventilations even.

"Starscream," Soundwave greeted. When he got no response, he added, "Are you well?"

Starscream jerked his head up. "No, I am  _ not, _ and it's entirely  _ your _ fault!" he spat. But the harsh tone couldn't quite conceal the frightened tremor in his voice, and he knew when Soundwave's visor dimmed that it had been noticed.

"We need to talk," Soundwave said. Starscream snorted and snatched up his datapad, swiftly subspacing it.

"No, we don't. You have nothing to say that I want to hear, and I have nothing to say to you period."

"Noted. However, you do need to hear what I have to say."

_ "You _ don't get to decide what I need," Starscream snapped, jabbing a finger at Soundwave. "You don't get a say in  _ anything _ I do!"

"I wish to help you."

"I don't need  _ your _ kind of help."

"Megatron ordered me to help you adjust to your new programming-"

"It's not  _ my _ programming, and I can handle it just fine on my own!"

"You already admitted to being unwell."

Starscream flinched and looked away, cursing himself for his stupidity. As satisfying as it would be to reveal that Soundwave had literally made him sick, he couldn't risk Megatron finding out and sending him to the med bay. "I didn't mean that literally," he said aggressively, snapping his gaze back to Soundwave. "Sadly, I'm not surprised you made that mistake since you seem completely incapable of looking beyond the physical lately." He curled his lip. "And you call yourself a telepath."

Soundwave seemed to consider his words. "Have you experienced any abnormal functioning lately?"

"I'm  _ not _ glitching!" Starscream snarled, realizing what Soundwave was really asking. "But even if I was, I wouldn't tell  _ you." _

"You're being unreasonable," Soundwave stated bluntly, stubbornly plowing on when Starscream scoffed. "I told you I didn't have a choice in reprogramming you. Query: would you rather have been sent to Shockwave?"

"Well, let's see." Starscream leaned back in his chair to put as much space as possible between him and Soundwave and pretended to think about it. "Shockwave is on Cybertron, which means he's far away from me. I would be able to go about my daily business without feeling like he was watching me like a fragging lab experiment all the time. Oh, and he hates me, so there wouldn't be any of this 'trying to help' slag." He snorted again and shook his head. "I  _ wish _ I'd been sent to him."

"You would be under surveillance no matter who reprogrammed you."

"That is entirely  _ not _ the point."

Soundwave sat back as well. "However, you are correct that Shockwave would have treated you as an experiment. He would not have attempted to comfort you, and might have ridiculed you for being afraid. Do you truly wish for that?"

Starscream opened his mouth, but all that came out was a small, strangled noise as his voice finally failed him. That was a scenario he could imagine all too easily, and he couldn't honestly say he would have preferred it over what really happened. Not when he remembered Soundwave holding him during his reprogramming, both restraining him and offering comfort that, on some perverse level, he had been unable to get enough of. Starscream pressed his lips together and lowered his head, crossing his arms as his tanks reminded him that he wasn't feeling well.

"I tried to make things easier for you," Soundwave said, voice gentling as much as was possible for a monotone. "You don't want my help because you believe that I hurt you. But would you trust me any more if I had stepped back and let Shockwave have you?"

Starscream cycled a shuddering ventilation and shook his head, but not in response to the question. Other memories of that horrible night were attempting to follow the first, and it was taking all of his willpower to push them back down. Once he thought he could keep his voice steady he snarled, "You know what, you're right. I  _ am _ being unreasonable. After all, you only attacked me in my own quarters, broke my wing, forced your way into my mind,  _ reprogrammed _ me, hacked me  _ again _ while I was  _ asleep... _ What could I  _ possibly _ have to be upset about?"

"Sarcasm: unnecessary," Soundwave said, and Starscream jumped to his feet, slamming his hands down on the table.

"I.  _ Hate. _ You," he hissed, backswept wings broadcasting his violent intentions as he loomed over Soundwave. "Usually the people I hate figure it out on their own, but in your case, I feel I need to spell it out. Now unless you want to end up in  _ pieces, _ I suggest you back the frag off and leave. Me.  _ Alone." _

If Soundwave was in any way unsettled by Starscream's threatening behavior, he didn't show it. But he didn't argue either, and for a few seconds the two stared at each other in tense silence. A low, rough voice interrupted the stand off. "I fail to see any improvement in Starscream's attitude, Soundwave."

Starscream's neck protested the sharp movement when his head jolted up yet again, confirming that it was, in fact, Megatron who stood just inside the door, face set in his usual unreadable scowl. Starscream didn't like the rush of relief he felt when he saw his leader, although since he was no longer alone with Soundwave, he knew some of it was genuinely his. But he also knew the program was driving him to stay close to his so-called master, and the reduction of his unending fear had the potential to be worryingly effective.

"Starscream: insists on being difficult," Soundwave explained  as Megatron approached the pair.

_ "I'm _ being difficult?" Starscream repeated savagely, rounding on Soundwave again.  _ "You're _ the one causing all the problems!"

"You should be more careful about where you discuss this," Megatron warned, pausing behind Starscream. "Someone could overhear."

A hand pressed against Starscream’s back as Megatron spoke, sliding out along one wing in a firm stroke that was somehow both possessive and calming. Starscream flinched away from the touch before he could stop himself, but tried to cover it by jerking his head toward Soundwave. "He started it."

"Negative," Soundwave countered. "I only said we needed to talk. Not when or where."

"I don't care who started it," Megatron interrupted, fingers curling over the edge of Starscream's wing as he bristled. "You both continued it, and you both should have known better." He applied pressure to the aileron in his hold, and Starscream winced again before reluctantly obeying the silent order to sit down. Megatron's grip wasn't nearly as tight as it could have been, though, and Starscream was uncomfortably reminded of the last time his leader had been gentle with him. But his wing still pressed into the touch when Megatron's thumb started rubbing the aileron, and he told himself it was just the program at work when he felt a tentative stirring of contentment.

"Soundwave," Megatron said in a tone noticeably harder than his actions, "is it true that you hacked Starscream while he was recharging?"

Starscream went rigid, optics widening with horror as it struck him just how much his outburst would have revealed if Megatron had been someone else. But the contact with his wing remained light, almost soothing, and he clung to that as Soundwave nodded. "Affirmative. It was necessary to check his coding after reprogramming to insure it was integrating properly. However, his mind and body were exhausted from fighting me, and I couldn't wake him. I decided to let him rest while he could."

"And took the chance that he would wake up while you were in his mind."

Soundwave offered no reply, but the blunt statement didn't need one. Starscream stared at the table, disgusted by his explanation and worried about what would happen if Megatron accepted it. That he had brought it up at all suggested that he didn't approve, but he would turn a blind optic on almost anything if one's excuse was good enough. Starscream knew  _ that _ all too well.

"Starscream," Megatron said at length. "How have you recharged since then?"

Starscream hesitated, wing trembling in the Megatron's grasp. He didn't want to even  _ think _ about this, let alone talk about it. But the program pressed him to answer, preferably with the truth, so he finally mumbled, "Not well." Megatron didn't need to know that it had been five days since he'd even tried.

"Because you're afraid it will happen again?"

This time Starscream couldn't answer at all, even with the program pushing him to reply. He just couldn't admit to that level of weakness. But Megatron seemed unbothered by his lack of response, and merely snorted as though the silence was answer enough. "That, Soundwave, is why you shouldn't mess with sleeping bots, regardless of your intentions. And you will  _ not _ do it again. Is that clear?"

Only a beat of silence separated the question from Soundwave's answering, "Affirmative." But it felt ominous in a way Starscream couldn't explain, and he abruptly decided that he would rather be helpless before Megatron than alone with Soundwave again. No matter how friendly he acted, there was something  _ wrong _ here, and Starscream wanted nothing to do with it.

"We'll discuss this further after the meeting," Megatron said, releasing Starscream's wing as the door opened to admit the remaining on-base officers. "For now, we have plans to make."

Starscream was still shaken, and he felt a twinge of regret for the lost contact. But he forced it all behind a familiar mask of indifference and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "By which you mean  _ you _ will reveal your latest plan for total conquest, and the rest of us just have to kill ourselves to make it happen."

His voice shook, but not enough to worry about. Given how Megatron had just been standing over him, no one was going to think much of it.

There was something that looked suspiciously like amusement on Megatron's face as he took his seat, but Starscream pretended not to see it.

* * *

 

So Starscream  _ was _ still capable of speaking normally to his leader. He'd been so quiet for the last few minutes that Megatron had started to wonder. But after their last proper encounter ended with Starscream's spark in Megatron's hand, he supposed it wasn't surprising. What  _ was _ surprising was that Starscream seemed to have fallen ill in the days since then. He was good at hiding it, but there were little things that spoke volumes about his current condition: wings held a bit too low, flicking and twitching the way they always did when he was feeling vulnerable. Normally intense optics dimmed by distress. Just now, in touching his back and wing the way he had, Megatron had confirmed that his sparkpulse and temperature were both elevated beyond what was normal.

Little things. But when it came to Starscream, Megatron had long since learned to disregard the big, obvious displays and focus on the details.

Starscream continued to give himself away after the meeting began, simply through his lack of normal participation. He wasn't  _ quiet _ by any means, but he seemed preoccupied and restless, and was less energetic than usual. Megatron couldn't tell if anyone else was watching, due to the visors which covered every pair of optics, but it was a safe bet that Hook, at least, knew something was wrong. He supported Scrapper without hesitation when Onslaught criticised the Constructicons' attempts to educate the Stunticons, but like Starscream, he appeared distracted.

Of course, that could just be because Hook didn't approve of reprogramming. No one in his Gestalt did, and Megatron couldn't deny that they had a good reason. Even so, he would have to make sure Hook didn't cause any trouble. None of the Constructicons had openly opposed a reprogramming before, but everyone had a breaking point. After the mass enslavement of the Combaticons, Hook could easily be at the end of his tolerance.

It was during a curt rundown of the Decepticons' dwindling supplies from the mech in question that Starscream seemed to reach a breaking point of his own.

"We  _ get _ it, all right?" he snapped, flopping back in his chair. "We have no fuel, no materials, and a ship full of wasteful idiots. We didn't need a  _ meeting _ to tell us that. What I want to know is, what are we going to  _ do _ about it?"

Megatron smiled. "What indeed," he said, taking the opening his Second had unwittingly handed him. "We can import materials from Cybertron, but the space bridge requires a great deal of energon to handle shipments of the size we regularly need; energon we don't have."

"I  _ think _ I just said that," Starscream stated waspishly. Megatron chose to ignore him.

"Fuel, we can easily obtain," he continued. "We have none to spare only because we use so much to power the space bridge. But once we have the Autobots' matter duplicator in our possession, it will be a simple thing to  _ create _ any materials we need."

It took a moment for his words to sink in. But when they did, Starscream was the first to react.

"Are you  _ crazy?" _ he demanded, voice strained. "You can't  _ possibly _ be planning to attack the  _ Ark _ !"

"On the contrary, Starscream, that's exactly what I'm planning." Megatron glanced at him as though bored, taking note of the effort his words had required. "Is that a problem?"

Starscream cycled a slow ventilation, possibly exercising a rare moment of self-control, but more likely buying time to phrase his argument in a way that wouldn't trigger his coding. "The Autobots outnumber us two to one," he said finally. "Their security has been steadily improving since Red Alert arrived on Earth. The matter duplicator is fragging  _ huge. _ And you want to just march in and  _ take _ it?"

"A difficult task, but not impossible," Megatron replied, turning to address the room at large. "As you're all aware, the Autobots will be attending a meeting between human leaders tomorrow. A few hours ago, Dirge sent confirmation that his Trine was spotted flying over the site. Soon after, Soundwave picked up a transmission from the humans to the Autobots, requesting additional protection."

Starscream shook his head. "What does  _ that _ matter if we won't even-" He stopped, optics brightening.  _ "We _ won't be there..."

"But the Autobots will," Megatron finished. "And if they turn out in force the way they did last time, only their weakest fighters will be left to defend the  _ Ark _ ."

"They'll be expecting something big," Onslaught mused thoughtfully. "All of our recent attacks have been mere energy raids, and it's been two weeks since the last one."

"Yes, two weeks during which our fuel reserves have run dry," Starscream commented, giving Megatron a sidelong look. "If this goes badly, we have nothing to fall back on."

"Consider it incentive for everyone to do their part," Megatron said. "We'll raid the Autobots' stores when we relieve them of the matter replicator."

"You're banking an awful lot on this plan  _ working, _ Megatron."

"What  _ is _ your plan?" Scrapper asked with the air of someone trying to prevent an argument. It wasn't necessary - Megatron had no interest in fighting with Starscream right now - but the effort was amusing.

"Soundwave will go in first to shut down Teletraan-1 and take control of the security systems. Our main force will enter through the volcano's crater as soon as the Autobots' communications are down. Once inside, Blast Off, Blitzwing and the Seekers will go for the energon stores-"

"Our main objective is the matter replicator, and you're putting my unit in charge of  _ fuel?" _ The tense, almost choked sound returned to Starscream's voice when he interrupted, and Megatron regarded him with carefully concealed interest.

"Your unit lost us our last battle," Megatron pointed out, deliberately ignoring the reason for that. "So now they have to make up for the energon we  _ should _ have obtained then."

"And what about me? The duplicator falls into  _ my _ field of experience, I should be overseeing its removal!"

_ "You _ will do what you're told," Megatron said firmly. Starscream glared at him for only a moment before his optics dimmed again and he looked away, wings lowered in defeat.

"Whatever you say, Leader," he murmured resentfully. Megatron was a bit thrown by the lack of argument, but he gladly took the opportunity to resume speaking.

"The other Combaticons will remain with Astrotrain while the Constructicons and I secure the matter duplicator. All teams will join Onslaught's group once their respective missions are completed, but the duplicator is our top priority. We leave as soon as it's loaded on Astrotrain, so anyone left behind will be on their own."

Starscream shot him a dark look but didn't speak, and Megatron ignored him again. He knew abandonment was a sore spot for Starscream, but he didn't need to worry about being left behind this time. If he was as sick as Megatron suspected he was, he wouldn't even be going on this mission.

"I don't like the idea of spreading our forces so thin," Scrapper said doubtfully. "We can't count on  _ all _ of their strongest fighters leaving, and even weak mechs can be dangerous if the numbers are on their side."

"They'll have to spread out as well if they want to stop all of us," Onslaught pointed out. "As long as we can locate and take out their key players, the rest of them will be no trouble. This could work."

"Or it could get us all killed," Starscream muttered, staring fixedly at the edge of the table as he ran his fingers over it. "Am I the only one who realizes that the Autobots  _ won't _ take their strongest fighters with them? Those lumbering Dinobots would never be allowed near a large gathering of humans, so where do you think they  _ are _ going to be?"

Obstructionist Seeker. Megatron had no idea how Starscream could rattle off criticisms so easily one second then struggle the next, but however they were delivered, he had lost his patience for them.

"Once again, your sense of caution crosses the line into cowardice. You may be content to hide in your lab and ignore your responsibilities, but the rest of us are fighting a war, and that requires a certain amount of risk. Perhaps if you weren't so focused on yourself, you would be more useful to the Decepticons."

The shock and anger that appeared on Starscream's face were expected; the brief flash of hurt was not. But this was neither the time nor place to wonder about it. "Unless anyone else has anything  _ constructive _ to add, this meeting is over," Megatron said, running his gaze over his other officers. When no one spoke, he nodded and stood with a curt, "Soundwave, Starscream, with me."

He didn't check to see if they were following as he strode from the room. He knew they would be. Soundwave was still obedient, regardless of whatever he was planning, and Starscream simply had no choice anymore. For possibly the first time in all the millennia that they'd known each other, Megatron could finally trust the rebellious Seeker to do what he was told.

For some reason, that knowledge wasn't very satisfying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Soundwave has just reached a whole new level of creepy.
> 
> So, I'm curious: How does everyone feel about the longer chapters? Are they too much, or preferable?


	8. Limits Established

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the full magnitude of his situation finally sinks in, Starscream decides that getting free is more important than dealing with the consequences that might follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Apparently academic stress and a case of strep throat do terrible things to one's creativity. Anyway, the votes are in for longer chapters, so here it is.

Doubt has me in its grasp  
I must believe  
That my wish will come true  
In the end  
It has to end  
"The Dream Seeker" - Dragonland

* * *

Soundwave watched Starscream with concern as they followed Megatron from the War Room. No matter what he claimed, his illness was obvious. The listless tilt of his wings was a clear sign to anyone familiar with fliers, and his energy field felt tired and stressed. If he hadn't been recharging enough it was possible that he was just exhausted, but Soundwave didn't think so. In the past he had seen Starscream worn out to the point where he spent most of his time in a half-asleep daze, but even then he had appeared fairly healthy. This was sickness, and considering the time of onset - along with the fact that hardlining was the easiest way to spread viruses - it was  likely that it was Soundwave who had infected him.

He felt bad about that, but not bad enough to regret what he'd done or feel particularly guilty; guilt implied that he could have done something differently, and he'd done everything he _could_ do to protect Starscream's systems from his own while they were connected. He'd run a systems check to search for viruses before the hack, had kept his firewalls up during it, had completed his task as quickly as possible... but the fact remained that, once he'd bypassed Starscream's own firewalls, he had been completely vulnerable to anything Soundwave was carrying. Only a healthy member of the same frametype could venture so deeply into another bot's mind without the risk of making them sick, because any viruses it carried would be harmless to that frametype. That was just the way things were, and Soundwave wasn't going to apologize for it.

That being said, he _was_ sorry that Starscream had to suffer like this when he already had so much to deal with. It was little wonder he was so angry at Soundwave.

"Starscream, return to your quarters and wait for me," Megatron ordered, drawing Soundwave from his musing. Starscream jumped, as though he had been lost in his own thoughts, and looked up at Megatron.

"Why there?" he demanded tensely, though far less anxiously than he could have with so much fear in his field. "And where are _you_ going?"

"Soundwave and I have some things to discuss which don't concern you," Megatron replied, not really answering either question. "Now go."

Starscream's gaze darted quickly between the two mechs, frame rigid, and Soundwave knew he wanted to argue. But after a few seconds he just frowned and looked away, wings quivering. When they reached a forked hallway he wordlessly turned down the one that led to the residential sector, leaving the others to continue on their way to Megatron's office.

"I'm not happy, Soundwave," Megatron growled once the door slid shut behind them. _"Why_ didn't you tell me you hacked Starscream while he was recharging? Why did you do it at all?"

Soundwave bowed his head, doing his best to look contrite. "Apologies: offered. It was an error in judgement."

Megatron growled again, wordlessly this time, and stalked around his desk. "Apologies aren't going to fix the damage you've done! Starscream is hard enough to deal with when he _doesn't_ feel justified in his self-destructive behavior. How do you propose to convince him that it's safe to _sleep?"_

Soundwave knew he was technically in trouble, but even so, he couldn't help a self-satisfied smile when he replied, "The first night after his reprogramming, Starscream came to my quarters to demand answers. He fell asleep in my arms. Conclusion: he isn't afraid to sleep because of me."

Whatever Megatron had expected, it clearly wasn't that. He shook his head and started to speak, then stopped and narrowed his optics at Soundwave, simultaneously shocked and doubtful. The doubt faded somewhat as his confused thoughts agreed that if Soundwave was going to lie, he would do so with something believable, but there was still a note of incredulity in his voice when he asked, "How did _that_ happen?"

"He grew upset after asking why he deserved to be reprogrammed. I offered comfort. He accepted."

It wasn't quite true, of course, but it was close enough. Megatron didn't need to know exactly how his presence had affected Starscream, or what he'd had to do to calm him after.

Megatron stared hard at Soundwave, emotions reined in to the point where only traces of suspicion and anger could be felt in his field. "If that's the case, what was going on in the War Room? And why is he avoiding recharge?"

Soundwave chose his words carefully. "He's still angry at me for my role in changing him, and afraid because I overpowered him. I believe he is lashing out to prove he isn't weak. His fear of recharge might be a result of nightmares."

He felt safe in admitting to the nightmares Ravage had informed him of. After such a long war they were considered a normal part of life, and it wasn't uncommon for a single event to lead to days, or even weeks, of sleepless nights. Most bots had friends and teammates who were willing to share their berths during such times, but no one really knew what Starscream did when he couldn't sleep.

Apparently he just stayed awake, which lent new meaning to the all-nighters he frequently pulled in his lab.

Megatron continued to glare at Soundwave for several seconds before the suspicion slowly bled away, replaced by guarded acceptance, but there was still an angry tension in his field as he turned to the window behind the desk. "So he asked you why he's been reprogrammed as well. What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. By the time he calmed down, he had forgotten that he asked."

"And if he asks again, don't tell him," Megatron warned. "He doesn't need to know."

Translation: Starscream didn't need to know that Megatron had ordered this to spare his life. Well. Soundwave wouldn't tell him, but perhaps he could find a way to imply it. He could only imagine how Starscream would feel if he knew his reprogramming was Megatron's twisted idea of mercy, but it wouldn't be good for Megatron.

Soundwave's hidden smile grew slightly as he tilted his head to one side. "Do you have an alternative story?"

"Just that he would have acted out again sooner or later, and has already done enough to deserve it. He can draw his own conclusions from that."

He really didn't seem convicted enough, Soundwave decided, reaching out to nudge Megatron's mind with his own. "Both statements are true," he pointed out verbally, earning a cynical-sounding grunt.

"Yes," Megatron agreed. "That's why they make the best cover story." He was silent for a few moments, then turned to face Soundwave again. "It seems I underestimated you. However little progress you've made, it's more than I first thought."

Soundwave nodded his acknowledgement of the implicated apology. "You never paid much attention to past reprogrammings," he stated. "Suggestion: Starscream isn't the only one who requires time to adjust."

"Hm." Megatron's mouth twitched with amusement that was absent from his field. "You may be right, Soundwave. Which is why I need to know a few things about the program you used on him."

Soundwave narrowed his optics. "What things?"

"How it promotes obedience, mostly. I've seen that it can force him to follow orders, but I need to know what methods it uses to make sure he doesn't resist in the first place. You mentioned emotional manipulation?"

Soundwave let himself relax a little. "Affirmative. This program primarily uses fear, guilt and contentment to encourage acceptable behavior. It lends itself well to obedience training based on reward and punishment, and positive reinforcement is especially effective."

Megatron hummed, optics dimming in thought. "That explains a few things," he murmured. He didn't expound on his statement, though, and Soundwave wasn't curious enough to risk detection by probing deeper into his mind. After a moment Megatron shook off his thoughts. "Write up the relevant information and get it to me by tomorrow morning. I think Starscream's had enough time to get used to the idea of being reprogrammed, and he might be easier for you to deal with when he stops worrying about what I'm going to do to him."

So Megatron had recognized Starscream's primary source of stress and let him suffer anyway. Somehow, Soundwave thought he would have been less disgusted if Megatron had been clueless. But all he did was dip his head again, hiding his irritation as he always did. "As you command. Do you require anything else?"

"Only that you don't take too long on the write-up," Megatron replied. "You're an integral part of tomorrow's mission, so you'll need your rest."

The growing impatience in his field said he was losing interest in the conversation, so Soundwave nodded yet again and respectfully took his leave. He started to return to his own office, but when he came to an intersection he abruptly decided to head for his quarters instead, not yet prepared to face his cassettes again. It hurt to know that his own creations didn't trust him, but not as much as Rumble's insinuation that he had forgotten what they were fighting for.

Soundwave had never been a slave himself, unlike most of his framekin, but he had known bots who lived such lives. One particularly close acquaintance had even been programmed for it. Most of his early days as a Decepticon had been spent helping slaves escape from their masters, and after joining them openly he'd worked on the coding of countless bots to give them their minds back. He had seen coding corrupted and mutilated beyond recognition, had made repairs on bots who'd been crippled by the removal of entire programs, and had been forced to give up on those he couldn't help more times than he could count.

He, of all mechs, didn't need to be reminded why the Decepticons began.

In light of his history Soundwave supposed he should feel worse about those he'd reprogrammed, but somehow he didn't. They were so few compared to those he had helped, and anyway, there weren't enough Cybertronians left to kill every enemy and traitor. Every life spared by reprogramming was worth the guilt, and he had long-since stopped feeling even that.

He took it to mean he was doing the right thing.

Soundwave keyed in his door code and entered his quarters as his thoughts circled back to Starscream. He had no doubt that what he'd told Megatron was true, and that a great deal of Starscream's hostility stemmed from feelings of vulnerability, but that didn't explain his insistence that he'd been damaged. Soundwave knew hacking could be harmful, even painful, and had learned to use that to his advantage when collecting information from prisoners. But he also knew how to avoid damage, and he had been careful with Starscream. So why was he acting like Soundwave had tried to kill him?

Maybe Laserbeak had a point about Starscream's coding, he mused, seating himself at his desk and removing a datapad from a drawer. Maybe his social protocols really were too glitched up for Soundwave to get through to him. In the long run it didn't matter one way or the other since he didn't need Starscream to help him willingly - technically he didn't need him to do _anything_ willingly - but he would prefer to have something positive in place between them before the final stage of his plan. If nothing else it would make Megatron's death easier on Starscream, and Soundwave really didn't want to hurt him. It was thanks to him that Soundwave had come to see how far the Decepticons had fallen, so he deserved some consideration.

With the way things were going, however, it would be easier to take an "act first, apologize later" approach, and worry about Starscream after Megatron was dealt with. Unless...

Soundwave frowned thoughtfully down at the datapad as he began to write out the information Megatron wanted. Maybe he would be best served to get a Seeker's perspective of the issue. He knew how to handle normally functioning Seekers when they were scared, but had made no allowance for Starscream's handicaps beyond repeatedly stating his intention to help, and that had clearly been a mistake. There had to be a way to get through to him, though; he hadn't wanted a Trine when he first joined the Decepticons, but somehow Skywarp and Thundercracker convinced him to join theirs. They had worked well together too, until Starscream replaced Skywarp as both Trineleader and Vice Air Commander.

If anyone would know how to deal with Starscream, it would be those two. Skywarp was neither reliable enough nor discrete enough to be involved, but Thundercracker already knew something was going on, and he wasn't likely to ask any awkward questions. It was the perfect solution.

Soundwave activated his comm link. "Thundercracker, come to my quarters. We need to talk."

* * *

Starscream stood motionless in his quarters, back pressed to the door, optics fixed on his desk chair. It was in its usual location, looking perfectly normal and not at all dangerous, but the sight of it still made his vents hitch and his plating crawl.

The last time he had been here, he'd kicked that chair into a wall. That it was back in its proper place now could only mean someone had been here, and they had probably been looking for him.

He pulled in a full ventilation with effort and forced himself to look away. He scanned the room for anything else out of place, but there wasn't anything else to move. Nor was there anything to focus on, and his gaze inevitably found the corner where he had spent that first night, lingering for a few painful seconds before he shut off his optics with a faint whine.

Why had Megatron sent him _here_ of all places? What was going to happen to him? The questions were accompanied by unbidden images of horrible possibilities, and the nausea he had fought to repress throughout the meeting grew along with his fear. He needed out. He needed to get away from here before something terrible happened to him. He needed-

He shoved off from the door and stumbled to the desk, yanking out one of the empty bottom drawers. Then he sank to his knees and purged into it, coughing until the already abused tubing of his throat burned. It brought no relief; after days spent struggling to keep his rations down, there wasn't any fuel left in his primary tank to bring up. Eventually his systems got the idea and settled a little, but he remained curled over the drawer for some time, venting raggedly and shivering uncontrollably.

He couldn't handle this. Being reprogrammed was bad enough without having to fight additional battles against fear and sickness, and he _couldn't handle it...!_

He didn't know how long he stayed there, barely holding back the sobs that threatened to overwhelm him, but he slowly calmed enough to remember that Megatron could show up at any minute. He sat up reluctantly, dragging the back of one trembling hand over his mouth, then peered into the drawer to gauge how much energon was inside. Less than the half-cube he'd managed to ingest earlier, so at least some of it must have gotten into his systems. A quick glance at his HUD showed that his reserve tank was still about half-full, but he was going to be in even more trouble if he couldn't refuel properly soon.

A strange whimpering sound left his vocalizer and he shoved the drawer shut, then reached for the edge of the desk and forced himself to his feet. The floor tilted violently under him, but after a few seconds his gyros stabilized enough that he could stand on his own. He _had_ to pull himself together before Megatron found him like this. Appearing weak would only encourage his leader in whatever tortures he had in mind.

Not that it mattered at this point. He didn't suppose Megatron needed much encouragement to do terrible things to him. The various possibilities began eagerly gnawing on the edges of his mind again and he shook his head to scatter them, grabbing the back of the chair for support. He couldn't think like that, not now. Not-

The hiss of the door sliding open made him jump and spin around, optics wide and vents catching. He started to relax when he saw that Megatron still seemed to be in a reasonable mood, then realized the ebbing worry might be the program's doing and tensed again. A good mood might make Megatron more lenient, but it could also mean that he would just enjoy whatever he was going to do more. Starscream couldn't afford to relax, even by accident.

It occurred to him as Megatron stepped into the room that he should say something, make some snide or flippant comment to hide his fear, but all he could manage was a shaky, "What are we doing here? What's going on?"

"Nothing you need to look so worried about," Megatron replied, gaze sweeping over the room before coming to rest on Starscream. "We just have some basic rules and expectations to go over now that you've had some time to get used to your new position."

"What do you mean?" Starscream demanded hoarsely, backing away before he could stop himself when Megatron moved toward him. "You've already programmed the directives. What more is there to do?" Primus, this felt _far_ too much like that horrible night...

"Programmed," Megatron scoffed quietly, as though to himself. He stopped by the desk and set a hand on the back of the chair, optics narrowing as he studied Starscream. "There's more to a bot than code. Just because you've been _programmed_ to behave a certain way doesn't mean you _will._ Not without training."

Starscream stiffened even further, wings snapping back in alarm. "You- I... Th-that isn't necessary," he stammered, flinching when his wingtips brushed against the wall behind him. He cast about desperately for something he could say to back up his claim, but Megatron spoke again before he could come up with anything.

"I may not be well-versed in the technical aspects of slave coding, but I've seen it in practice often enough to know that even coded slaves need to be taught obedience. So unless you're willing to whatever you're told, I think this _is_ necessary."

Starscream hesitated, then looked away, and on the edge of his vision he saw Megatron nod. "That's what I thought." Megatron pulled out the chair and sank into it, heedless of the fact that it _wasn't his,_ then beckoned Starscream with a jerk of his head. "Come here."

At that moment, Starscream could think of nothing he would rather do less. He was quite sure this "training" was just an excuse for Megatron to do anything he wanted to while pretending there was a good reason for it. But he didn't have the strength to resist that he'd had two weeks earlier, and it only took a few seconds for the program to force him forward. After a few stumbling steps he managed to stop just out of Megatron's reach and stood rigidly, telling himself over and over that this was close enough in an attempt to quiet the code. Megatron considered him, then motioned to the floor at his feet. "Sit," he ordered. "Or kneel, whichever you prefer."

Starscream balked, frame locking with the effort of staying still as the program once again pushed him to move. "I'm not a _pet!"_ he snarled, putting as much venom into his shaking voice as he could.

"It won't kill you to show some humility for once in your life," Megatron replied indifferently. "Now sit."

The outcome was inevitable, and they both knew it. But Starscream still held himself back as long as he could before stepping forward and sinking into an awkward sort of crouch, inwardly raging that there was a very, _very_ thin line between humility and humiliation. Megatron studied him, expression thoughtful, and Starscream met his gaze as well as he could, trying belatedly to conceal his fear. Megatron lashed out without warning, striking him across the face. Starscream yelped as he was flung to the floor, reflexively curling inward and raising an arm to protect himself from further attack. But Megatron just settled back in the chair, and Starscream slowly lowered his arm, staring up at him with fear he couldn't pretend was hidden.

"Consider this your first lesson," Megatron said calmly, as though he hadn't just hit Starscream. "When I tell you to do something, I expect you to obey immediately. We have a problem if you can't follow even the simplest orders without resisting."

Starscream laboriously pushed himself upright, swaying and almost collapsing as the room spun around him. Once his limbs were under him again he stayed close to the floor, shoulders hunched and wings low, watching Megatron warily for additional signs of violence. "Maybe if your orders were more reasonable I _wouldn't_ resist," he suggested, bracing himself to duck away. Megatron snorted in apparent amusement.

"I don't see anything unreasonable about wanting you to approach me," he replied. "No, you would resist no matter what I told you to do, simply because you're stubborn and scared. Don't bother denying it," he added when Starscream opened his mouth to do just that. "You can try to hide it, but I know how you behave when you're afraid. And right now, I'd say you're terrified."

Starscream scowled and lowered his head, but continued to watch Megatron on the edge of his vision as he muttered, "I suppose that makes you happy." He realized too late that he had all but admitted to his fear, but Megatron didn't react beyond regaining his thoughtful expression.

"Actually, it doesn't," he mused. "If your fear was encouraging obedience it would be useful, but if you're _dis_ obeying because of it..." His voice turned slightly mocking. "Well, you're smart. I'm sure you can figure out why that's not a good thing."

Starscream raised his head again, feeling suddenly cold despite the unhealthy heat suffusing his frame. "W-what are you going to do?"

Megatron smiled, putting him even more on edge. "That depends on you, doesn't it? How much are you willing to endure for the sake of resisting orders you can't disobey in the first place?"

He lowered a hand over the side of the chair and Starscream cringed away, half-expecting to be hit again, and confused when he wasn't. "I'm going to give you a simple, harmless order," Megatron said. "If you do as you're told, you won't be hurt. Now come here."

Starscream looked at the hand, which was extended slightly in his direction, then back up at Megatron, wings twitching restlessly. The program urged him to obey, but it wasn't forcing him yet, so he returned his gaze to the hand, wondering how severe his punishment would be if he refused to play along. Probably severe if Megatron was trying to recondition his fear response.

He shuddered and shifted his weight, glancing once more at Megatron before hesitantly creeping forward. He knew there would be some form of contact once he'd covered the small distance, but it still startled him when the hand came up to stroke the top edge of one wing. He froze with a soft hiss, objecting to the touch, but swallowed his unease and allowed it.

"There. That's not so bad, is it?" Megatron asked in the patient, condescending tone Starscream had always hated. "A little slow, but you don't seem to have fought, so I'll forgive it... this time."

Starscream grunted and turned his head away. "This is demeaning," he grumbled, hating the touch-starved part of himself that wanted to push into the hand.

"But it proves a point," Megatron replied in that same infuriating tone. "If you do what you're told, you won't get hurt. It's really a very simple concept, as you would have realized long ago if you weren't so bent on disobeying me."

Right. Just like Soundwave "hadn't hurt him". Starscream miserably shut off his optics, unable to stop the trembling in his wings. Maybe it was ungrateful of him, but he didn't like this gentle treatment. His ability to read people was reliant on familiarity with the behavior of individuals and, apart from the most basic gestures, he could only identify the meanings of movements and expressions that he had seen many times. Megatron was fairly consistent, so Starscream could normally judge his moods pretty accurately - even if he didn't always see the signs that it was time to shut up - but this... He didn't know what this was. It might have been a genuine attempt to calm him, but as he didn't have much frame of reference for Megatron being _nice_ to him, he just didn't know. He didn't know what to expect or how to react, and he didn't like it.

His frame liked it, though. It greatly appreciated the lack of violence and pain, and as much as he didn't want to, he found himself pushing into the soothing touch. Megatron's mouth curved up slightly, an expression Starscream couldn't hope to decipher under the circumstances, and he continued to pet the shivering wing under his fingers.

"This doesn't have to be any harder for you than you choose to make it," he said. "All I'm asking is that you obey me without question, as you should have done from the beginning. Why is that so abhorrent to you?"

His voice remained calm, even conversational, but Starscream winced as though he'd been struck again. That wasn't a question he could answer honestly, because he really didn't see himself as disobedient. Argumentative, yes, but he usually went along with Megatron's schemes, even when he disagreed with them. The problem was that he thought for himself, and he didn't think it would go over well to point out that he only argued because Megatron was always wrong. He could fabricate some reason for his behavior, but that would reinforce Megatron's view of him as a disobedient traitor, and the very idea made him feel nauseous again.

In the end he just shook his head and stayed silent, letting Megatron interpret it however he wanted. That was what he would do anyway.

But apparently that wasn't good enough this time, because the hand left Starscream's wing to catch his chin instead, forcing him to look up. Megatron leaned down, resting his other arm on one knee, and gripped Starscream's jaw more tightly when he tried to pull away.

"I asked you a question, Starscream," Megatron said, stern but still unbearably calm. "Answer me."

That was an order, Starscream realized, spark sinking. He had to say _something_ now, even if it was a lie, but his mind was blank. He couldn't think of any explanation, true or not, for those occasions when he acted against orders. He couldn't even remember what those occasions _were,_ and when he opened his mouth, all that came out was a weak, "Why does it matter? I can't disobey now."

He tensed, waiting for the anger that would surely follow his non-answer, but after a few moments Megatron merely released him.

"That's right," he agreed. "You can't. And the sooner you accept that, the better."

He returned his hand to Starscream's wing and his expression darkened as he traced the faint line which marked the now-healed break, making Starscream twitch. "You also need to accept what Soundwave did to you. I don't care if you hate him, but you still have to work with him, so you'll have to find a way to get along. _However,"_ he raised his voice slightly when Starscream tried to protest, "if he hurts you again, in any way, you are to tell me _immediately._ You belong to me now, and no one else has a right to touch you without my permission. Do you understand?"

Starscream clenched his jaw and glared weakly at Megatron, hands balling into fists. More than anything he wanted to refute those words, to snarl that he belonged to _no one_ and that Megatron had no right to dictate such things to him. But his anger was challenged by a tentative hope that the possessiveness meant he would be protected from Soundwave, a hope which only made him angrier because he didn't _need_ protecting, fraggit!

His internal conflict was interrupted by an impact with the side of his head that hurled him to the floor again. He barely had time to register Megatron surging from the chair before a foot connected with his chest, flipping him onto his back. The same foot slammed down on his cockpit, pinning him. He struggled instinctively for a moment, but stilled when Megatron applied more pressure to his chest, making the glass creak ominously.

"When I ask you a question, I expect an answer," Megatron told him sternly. "Now I'll ask again: Do you understand what I just said?"

Starscream nodded quickly, silently lamenting that he'd been right about being punished heavily for minor offenses. Primus, if this was what he got just for failing to answer a question, what would happen if he disobeyed outright?

Megatron seemed unsatisfied with his answer, though, because more weight pressed down on him, and he couldn't stop himself from squirming again. _"Yes,"_ he gasped out desperately. "I- I understand!"

"What do you understand?" Megatron pressed. "I want you to say it."

Starscream groaned in mingled pain and frustration, clawing at Megatron's leg. "No one has a right... to touch me without your permission," he bit out.

The glass creaked again. "And?"

"I..." Starscream knew what Megatron wanted to hear. There was no point in pretending he didn't. But to say it out loud, even under duress, would be to officially acknowledge his new status, and he couldn't. He _couldn't._ Even if his life had already been signed away, he could still pretend it wasn't really true as long as he didn't say it. But his chest hurt and the program was pushing him, and he didn't feel well at _all..._

"I..." He turned his head away and shut off his optics, mouth working silently for a few moments. "I b-belong... to... to you."

They were just words, he told himself. Just words. They didn't mean anything. But they still burned like acid as he forced them out, and they still left him feeling hollow, as though he had lost some part of himself in their utterance.

He heard a low rumble of approval from somewhere above him, then Megatron's foot left his chest. He rolled onto his side and curled up, more in a pathetic attempt to hide than to protect himself, and didn't move when he heard Megatron kneel down beside him. It was only when a hand slid under his head and tilted his face up that he reactivated his optics, staring dully at his leader.

"That's right," Megatron said again, almost soothingly. "Do you see how much easier it is to just give in? Fighting doesn't change anything in the end, and it wastes both of our time. You'll save yourself a lot of pain if you don't resist me."

Starscream only looked away again, unable to care that he was pressing into Megatron's hand. After a few seconds Megatron made a vaguely amused sound and raised his other hand, stroking the side of Starscream's head as though he really was a pet. "You'll get used to it," he said as Starscream flinched. "That's the whole point of training you, after all."

He stood up and moved toward the door, watched warily by Starscream. Once there he paused to look back, seeming to study the huddled form on the floor. "You're not leaving this room until you've gotten some recharge," he said at length. "So if you expect to join us tomorrow, I suggest you rest."

He didn't wait for a reply, which was just as well since Starscream couldn't seem to find his voice. Of all the reasons Megatron might have had for sending him here, it had never occurred to him that it might simply be because it was easier to lock him up this way.

Being sent to the brig would have been preferable to spending another minute in this room.

Starscream stayed where he was for some time after Megatron left, moving only when he caught himself starting to doze off. He slowly uncurled and sat up, shifting closer to the desk so he could lean against it. The pain in his chest had faded, but his cables and joints ached from the strain of fighting his own body, and although he tried to shake it off, he could feel despair sinking its claws into his spark again.

He couldn't fight this. There was just no way to fight the program and win. It was at least as strong as he was and it didn't tire like he did. Even if he could find a way to resist, Megatron was clearly willing to use physical force to make him obey. This was going to break him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Nothing except surrender.

He drew his legs to his chest and folded his arms over his knees, staring at the door without seeing it. If he gave in... If he stopped resisting and just did what Megatron wanted... the idea made him feel ill, but it might be his only option. Whether he fought or not he couldn't protect himself, and if he kept trying the hopelessness of it would break him, probably sooner than later. Surrendering would at least buy him some time, and maybe keep his will to escape intact long enough for him to actually do so. He _did_ have options, no matter how grim the consequences they carried were. He just had to chose one he could live with.

He snorted softly. That couldn't be too hard when his only other choice was to live like _this._ But he couldn't do anything stuck in his quarters, so he shifted to get more comfortable and shut off his optics, preparing to do as he'd been ordered and get some sleep. He could figure out his course of action later, maybe after the attack on the Autobots. It would be better to work on a plan when there was no immediate threat of deactivation hanging over him. Of course, if things went wrong and Megatron blamed him, he would probably regret holding off, but...

The rest of the thought was lost as his exhaustion finally overcame him.

* * *

Soundwave was halfway through the (slightly edited) write-up Megatron had requested when the door buzzer went off. He glanced up from his desk and sent a command to the door, then smiled to himself when it slid open to reveal a somewhat tense blue Seeker.

"Enter, Thundercracker," Soundwave said by way of greeting. He motioned to the berth as Thundercracker stepped into the room. "Sit down."

It was an offer more than an order, but one Soundwave knew Thundercracker would accept out of politeness. Sure enough, he only hesitated for a moment before moving forward and settling carefully on the edge at the foot of the berth. His wings were a held little lower than usual, showing his respect for the fact that he was in someone else's living space, but the rigid tension in the rest of his frame reflected his distaste for his current company. The feeling was mutual, but Soundwave needed informants among the Decepticons who didn't stand out the way his cassettes did. The previous Air Commander had always been willing to share information about the Seekers, but after his death Soundwave had needed a new plant. Thundercracker wasn't the best choice, but he was high-ranking and cared about keeping his framekin safe, and that was what mattered.

Well, that and he was close to Starscream.

"What did you want to see me about?" Thundercracker asked, coolly polite. Soundwave shut off his datapad and turned his chair to face the other mech.

"Primary reason: request report," he replied, deciding it would be best to ease into his questioning. "Have you noticed anything off about Starscream?"

Thundercracker shrugged. "Only that he's been dragging any fliers he can get hold of into the training room pretty much every day. Skywarp thought he was acting weird earlier, though."

Soundwave wasn't surprised that Skywarp would have been the one to notice something. Thundercracker hated Starscream too much to really see when something was wrong, which was one reason why he wasn't the best choice for a spy. "Define 'weird'," Soundwave said.

"Skywarp said he was being really jumpy and defensive. Doesn't sound too strange to me, though."

"And you've noticed nothing else?"

Thundercracker shook his head impatiently. "It would help to have some idea of what I'm looking _for._ What's wrong with Starscream?"

Soundwave paused, considering the best way to phrase his response. "His exact problem is unknown. However, I have noticed an increase in paranoia and mistrust. He has become convinced that I wish to harm him, and refuses to be near me because of it."

"Shouldn't you be able to deal with that?" Thundercracker asked dryly.

"I have rarely dealt with bots who didn't want my help," Soundwave said. "Additionally, Starscream is rather more unreasonable than most."

Thundercracker's mouth twitched. "Isn't that the truth. So what do you want from me?"

"I require information," Soundwave replied. "You have been his Trinemate for millions of years: You would know best how to deal with him when he's being difficult."

Thundercracker frowned, hands curling into fists on his thighs. "I don't know what to tell you," he said at length. "Being Starscream's Trinemate is more about tolerance than anything else."

"Noted," Soundwave said. "But you are still familiar with his more erratic behaviors. How do you get through to him when he doesn't want to listen?"

"Usually you don't," Thundercracker replied flatly. "The trouble with Starscream is that he's obsessive. Once he gets something into his head he can't just stop thinking about it, and if it's something bad, he can make it ten times worse than it actually is just by dwelling on it. If he's decided you're out to get him it's probably because you did something he interpreted as a threat, and he blew it out of proportion by thinking about it too much."

There was a question in his mind and voice as he spoke, but Soundwave ignored it. There was no safe way to explain why Starscream had become afraid of him. "Can you reason with him under these circumstances?" he asked instead.

Thundercracker snorted. "Sure, if you've got a few hours and some way to make sure he won't just attack you or walk away. Skywarp and I used to try distracting him when he started getting too worked up, but sometimes we had to restrain him and talk him down. I wouldn't advise doing the same in your case, though; he knew we weren't going to hurt him, but if he thinks you will, being trapped will only scare him."

Soundwave tilted his head quizzically. "You don't believe in exposure therapy?"

Thundercracker's fists tightened as unease colored his field. "That wouldn't be a good idea. We haven't done anything like that since before Megatron started-" he caught himself as he remembered who he was talking to and amended, "before all of that started between them. I don't think Starscream could handle being helpless anymore, even if he didn't think you'd hurt him. He just... doesn't feel safe enough with people."

Soundwave considered this. What Thundercracker was saying seemed consistent with Starscream's behavior so far, especially where helplessness was concerned. He wasn't convinced that forcing Starscream to face his fears was a bad idea, but it was something to think about later. "He trusted you," he stated, curious about how Thundercracker would respond.

"I guess that's one way of looking at it," came the bitter reply. "I think it's more like he put up with us. He didn't waste any time getting away from us after he was promoted."

 _After he got Skywarp's position. After he started spending time around Megatron._ Thundercracker didn't say it out loud, but Soundwave knew he was thinking it without even probing his mind. It was the root of his hatred for his less stable Trinemate, after all. But it was also off topic, so Soundwave carefully steered them back on track. "How well does he recognize intention? Can he tell whether someone intends to harm or to help him?"

Thundercracker gave a short, derisive laugh. "If he could, would we be having this conversation?" Soundwave stayed silent, unamused, and he shook his head with a sigh. "I don't know. He mostly just seems to expect the worst. When we dealt with his obsessions we'd usually pin him between us and just talk to him for awhile, and he hated that at first. But after a few times he figured out that we weren't a threat and stopped fighting so much."

"So he can learn to recognize intent," Soundwave stated. Thundercracker laced his fingers together in his lap, wings twitching.

"He used to, yeah. But again, that was before Megatron got hold of him. If we tried something like that now it would probably take a lot longer for him to realize we weren't going to hurt him."

He cast Soundwave an almost apologetic look, and Soundwave sighed inwardly. He wasn't surprised that most of his trouble with Starscream could be traced back to Megatron's mistreatment, but he wasn't happy about it, either.

"One more question: Have you ever tried to calm him when he was upset or frightened?"

Thundercracker shrugged. "Yeah, but it's not easy. He gets violent when he's scared, and it's worse if he feels trapped. Physical contact helps if he'll let you touch him, but it's usually best to keep your distance and wait for him to calm down on his own. You can try talking him down too, as long as you don't threaten or argue with him."

Soundwave nodded slowly. That fit his observations as well, although keeping his distance had done no good so far. Perhaps it was time to try the opposite approach.

"Thank you, Thundercracker. You have been very helpful."

"If you say so," Thundercracker replied skeptically. "Are we done then?"

"Affirmative. We have a mission tomorrow, so make sure the other Seekers are rested."

"Yeah, sure," Thundercracker huffed irritably. Soundwave heard his unspoken complaint that such things were supposed to be Starscream's job and frowned at him before turning back to his desk.

"You should know that Starscream has fallen ill," Soundwave said casually, mouth curling in satisfaction when he felt a surge of surprise in the other's field. "He may not be able to accompany us tomorrow. If he does, I need you to keep an optic on him."

"Are you sure?" Thundercracker asked doubtfully. "He hasn't been acting sick. Tired, yeah, but not..." He trailed off and Soundwave caught a flash of guilty realization, along with a brief image of Starscream in the training room, telling the other fliers what to do without taking part in the exercises himself.

"Have you been giving him grief for not participating in training?" Soundwave asked suspiciously. He half turned to look at Thundercracker, who grimaced and lowered his wings.

"I didn't know he wasn't feeling well," he muttered. "Is it really bad enough for him to skip training, though? How sick can he be if he could hide it so well?"

"Starscream knows his limits, whether he chooses to heed them or not," Soundwave said sternly. "If he hasn't been training, he might not be well enough to fight. Which is why he needs to be watched if he does join us tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll do that," Thundercracker sighed. He turned toward the door, then paused and looked back. "There was one thing that I thought seemed kind of weird, back when he was still actually training with us: He wouldn't spar with me or Dirge."

When Soundwave merely gazed silently back at him he shrugged and dipped his wings respectfully, then continued on his way. Once he was gone Soundwave reactivated his datapad and went back to his report, but most of his attention was elsewhere.

Thundercracker hadn't told him much that he didn't already know, but he had confirmed a few things. Soundwave was reasonably sure his newest idea would yield results, although it would have to wait until after the upcoming attack.

Everything would turn out in the end, he was certain of that. It would just take some patience... and possibly, a willingness to do things he would rather not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was so depressing. Things will get a bit better soon, I promise. In the meantime "Unleashed" now has an official playlist, which you can listen to here: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgLgAJkSvnxs8K2V7ykNCnpQPPQTFNGFX


	9. Changes Noticed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things just can't be kept hidden. Starscream is about to learn that an illness exacerbated by stress is one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to an unbelievable amount of RL drama, this was probably the hardest chapter to date for me to write. But it's finally done, and I apologize for the long wait. Have at it.
> 
> A note on terms: In computing, a patch is a piece of code inserted into preexisting software to fix or update it. I've modified the concept here, but the basic idea is the same.

Where am I meant to be?  
I feel I'm lost in a dream  
Yearning again only  
To be myself  
"Unleashed" - Epica

* * *

 

_His world was one of pain and fear. He thrashed on the floor, trapped beneath a larger, heavier frame. Each frantic movement sent fire through his broken wing, but he knew the pain would be the least of his worries if he didn't escape._

_"I know the dangers of reprogramming."_

_The words, too calm for the situation, were accompanied by a hand pushing his head to the floor. His struggles increased in desperation when fingers brushed over his access panel, but his limbs shook in the grip of exhaustion. He slumped to the floor as his strength ebbed, and sobbed when the panel snapped open._

_"I argued against it."_

_A cable plugged into him and a foreign presence seeped into his mind like an icy fog, tainting everything it touched. He clawed at the floor, arching into the heavy frame covering his own, but there was no escape from either the mental invasion or the physical hold. A thin, quavering cry tore from him as he twisted a final time. Then his body gave out entirely and he collapsed, shuddering and gasping._

_"This is your fault."_

_No. Oh Primus, **no.** He strained against the hand pinning his head, looking up as well as he could to meet the narrow crimson gaze of Megatron. The warlord stood a short distance away, backlit by the too-bright lights overhead. Even cast in shadow the expression of disgust on his face was easily recognized, and Starscream quailed under his glare. But as humiliating as it was to be seen in this position, he recognized Megatron as his only hope._

_"Please." The first word was little more than a gasp, but others followed, gaining speed and strength as they came. "Megatron, **please,** you have to stop this! It- It will **destroy** me!"_

_Megatron's face hardened. Starscream stared back at him, panting heavily, and a low voice near his audio said, "He doesn't care how well you function as long as you can no longer fight him."_

_The hand began petting him in a grotesque parody of comfort, making him flinch and whimper. But his terrified gaze remained fixed on his leader; begging silently for help, because he just wasn't strong enough on his own._

_"Please," he whispered again, the word choked by a weak sob. "Don't do this."_

_"You should be grateful to have your life," Megatron told him coldly. Then he turned away, and Starscream panicked._

_"No! No, **please!** You can't leave me here! You can't- Megatron!" He writhed, shaking his head in a frantic attempt to escape the frigid tendrils of another mind creeping through his own, then screamed._

**_"Megatron!"_ **

Pain jarred though Starscream's side and the world went dark. He yelped and jerked, legs catching on something that he kicked away. Then he rolled off of his throbbing wing and right into something solid. He shrieked and scrambled away from it, somehow getting his legs under him. But the floor fell away, dropping him back to his knees. He stared around wildly, struggling to locate the threat he _knew_ was there, but saw only dark walls and boxy shadows looming on all sides. A desperate wail tore from him and he sank down close to the pitching floor, head in his hands, waiting for the unseen enemy to strike.

Nothing happened. The hands he expected never came. There were no sounds except for his own ragged gasps. The pain in his wing was fading, no more than a memory that was losing its power. Eventually he raised his head, optics darting from one shadow to the next. He saw no one, dangerous or otherwise. He rose cautiously up onto his knees to peer anxiously over the berth, then around the edge of the desk next to him, but neither search yielded results. There was no one in the room but him. It had only been a nightmare.

He moaned softly and slumped against the desk, sliding back down to sit on the floor. He was beginning to feel nauseous again - not that that was a surprise - and he couldn’t control the violent tremors running through his frame. Red warnings flashed on his HUD, but he couldn't focus enough to read them. He cast another look around, unable to believe he was truly alone, and his gaze fell on the chair next to him, once more lying on the ground instead of standing upright. He stared at it until it sank in that it must have been the thing he’d kicked upon waking, then his optics moved on.

It was only when he directed his attention to the door that his solitude finally became real, and it did so with the force of a fist driving into his chest. He was alone. No one had heard him screaming before he fully escaped the nightmare, or if they had, they hadn’t come to check on him. Maybe they didn’t care enough or maybe they simply weren’t around to hear, but either way they hadn’t come. Which meant if he was in real danger…

He stared at the door, torn. The urge to escape was building inside him again, but this time it was tempered by an identical fear of what lay beyond the room. Soundwave was out there somewhere, as was Megatron. Here he was safe, at least while he was alone, whereas anything could happen to him in the halls. But if one of them showed up he would be trapped, and nearly helpless in his current state.

In the end, it was remembering that he’d been hacked mere yards from where he currently sat that decided him. He used the desk to drag himself upright, leaning on it until the floor steadied under him, then followed the wall to the door. He faltered briefly when he neared the entrance, certain that this wasn’t what Megatron had in mind when he told him to stay put. But Starscream had slept, however briefly, so technically he’d fulfilled the orders he’d been given. The program must have agreed, because nothing stopped him from opening the door and venturing out into the dimly lit hall, every sense on high alert. He had no idea where he planned to go, but anywhere would be better than where he was. _Or almost anywhere,_ he corrected himself with a shudder. He stepped as quietly as he could, both to avoid detection and to maximize his chances of hearing anyone who might be coming his way, but once again, all he heard was his own vents.

He’d been braver than this the last time he'd roamed the halls after a nightmare. The random thought served as a reminder of falling asleep in Soundwave’s quarters - in Soundwave’s _arms_ \- and made him feel sicker. How could he possibly have done that? Not just slept there, but gone there in the first place? He was lucky beyond belief that nothing had happened.

He came to an abrupt halt, optics widening. How did he _know_ nothing had happened? Soundwave had already hacked him once while he was asleep, and he had no idea how long they’d been connected before he woke up. What proof did he have that the telepath hadn’t done it again, only this time left before he awakened? How did he know it hadn’t happened in Soundwave’s quarters, or any other time he’d managed to doze off in the last two weeks?

“Stop it!” he burst out, startling himself. He groaned loudly and dropped his head into his hands, barely noticing the abnormal heat of the metal under his fingers. He _couldn’t_ think like that or he’d never sleep again. Somehow he _had_ to believe it was just paranoia, that it hadn’t happened and wouldn’t happen. But how could he prove that?

“Starscream?”

The voice behind him wasn’t Soundwave’s. But when he whirled around, all he saw was blue. He stumbled back, gyros thrown into disarray by the sudden movement. The next thing he knew, he was hitting the floor hard. He heard the mech say something, followed by footsteps approaching him, and he recoiled, ducking his head behind one upraised arm.

“Stay away from me!”

The footsteps stopped. “Hey, take it easy. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Starscream hesitantly lowered his arm, just enough that he could peek over it. “Th-Thundercracker?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” the blue Seeker confirmed. “Are... you okay?”

Starscream started to speak, but even he couldn’t claim to be all right while lying on the floor. So he just grunted and looked away, although he continued to watch Thundercracker out the corner of his optic. After a few seconds Thundercracker stepped toward him again. Starscream tensed, but his Trinemate stopped well out of arm's reach and knelt down, wings lowered.

“You don’t look so good,” Thundercracker said softly. “What’s wrong?”

_“Nothing’s_ wrong. I just...” Starscream fidgeted, unable to come up with a halfway believable explanation, then sighed. "Just leave me alone."

Thundercracker didn't move. “Starscream... You do know I’m not going to hurt you, right?”

“Of course I know that!” Starscream snapped, hoping Thundercracker couldn’t hear the quaver in his voice.

“Then what was that earlier? It was like you didn’t recognize me.”

Once again, Starscream had no answer. He just stared at the floor, waiting for his dizziness to subside enough that he could stand without embarrassing himself further. At length Thundercracker sighed and stood himself, then moved towards him yet again. Starscream snapped his head up, fingers curling against the floor, but otherwise managed not to react as Thundercracker came to stand over him.

“No point staying on the floor all night,” Thundercracker said, extending a hand towards his Trineleader. Starscream eyed it suspiciously for a moment, then growled and knocked it away. He shoved himself awkwardly to his feet, grabbing for the wall when his legs shook under him. He'd barely steadied himself when a hand pressed flat against his wing, and he promptly fell against the wall in his haste to retreat.

"Primus," Thundercracker murmured before Starscream could snap at him again. “Your armor is _scorching.”_

“It’s nothing! It’s just- I-” Frag, why couldn’t he think? Starscream shook his head and carefully pushed off from the wall, then turned away. “I need to go.”

“Are you crazy?” Thundercracker demanded. “With a temperature like that, the only place you should be going is the med bay!”

“It’s not that bad-”

“Like slag it isn’t!”

A hand closed on Starscream’s wrist. He reacted without thinking, spinning around and driving a fist towards Thundercracker’s face. But he lost his balance halfway through the attack, and stumbled into the other flier instead. Thundercracker grunted, but stayed upright. Then arms wrapped around Starscream, supporting him, and something inside him froze. His instincts screamed at him to _fight_ , to _escape_ , but he couldn’t make himself move.

“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Thundercracker said, seemingly oblivious to Starscream’s distress. “You shouldn’t be going anywhere like this.”

Starscream only shuddered in response. After a moment Thundercracker’s hold on him shifted. “Starscream?”

“Let go of me.” Starscream’s words were barely audible, but they did the trick. Thundercracker crouched again and settled Starscream against the wall, where he sat panting. Then Thundercracker reached for his face and he cringed.

“Easy,” Thundercracker murmured, pressing a blissfully cool hand to Starscream’s forehead. “Frag, how has your processor not crashed already?”

Starscream groaned and shoved the hand away, even though he didn't really want to. He didn't know if it was the viruses or some kind of glitch, or even just a result of too much stress, but he felt like he _was_ crashing. Whatever the problem was, he couldn't think well enough to figure out what to do about it.

It scared him. But not as much as not knowing what Thundercracker would do after seeing this.

* * *

 Thundercracker sat back on his heels, brow furrowed as he watched Starscream shift restlessly against the wall. He couldn't decide what bothered him more: that he'd come across his Trineleader talking to himself in the halls, or that Soundwave was right about Starscream being sick. He could only guess that Starscream had been downloading patches to control his symptoms, but if that was the case, his system had clearly deleted them. Patches or no, Thundercracker couldn’t believe he had ever thought that Starscream was okay.

“Right,” he decided, speaking aloud for Starscream's benefit. “I’m comming Hook.”

Starscream must have been either less out of it than he looked or completely delirious, because he lurched away from the wall and caught hold of Thundercracker’s wrist, optics bright with unmistakeable panic. “No! You can’t!”

"Starscream, you're sick,” Thundercracker pointed out, keeping his voice low and staying as still as possible. “You need help."

"I don't! Don't comm him, _please!"_

Thundercracker stared at him. Normally he hated it when Starscream started begging, but this time he was too stunned for disgust. Starscream _never_ acted like this with his Trine. Or anyone except Megatron, really. That he was doing so now was disconcerting at best, and proved that he did need help. But instead of calling him on it, Thundercracker said, “All right, settle down. I won’t comm him. You wanna go somewhere else, though? Hallways aren’t exactly private.”

Starscream’s optics widened, darting as though he’d forgotten where they were, and his grip on Thundercracker’s wrist tightened. Then he gave a jerky nod, which Thundercracker copied slowly.

“Okay. Anywhere sound good?”

This time Starscream shook his head, swaying as though the action made him dizzy. He looked for a moment like he might say something, but then he just repeated the movement, wings drooping. Thundercracker was sorely tempted to suggest that the med bay would be a good place, but Starscream wasn’t that easy to fool, even like this.

“How about coming in with me and Skywarp, then?” he offered instead. “You’ve shared quarters with us before, so you know we’re safe.”

Starscream looked up quickly, expression full of fearful suspicion, like he didn’t trust the offer - or like he thought Thundercracker didn’t mean it. Whatever it was hurt to see. Thundercracker hesitated, then carefully moved his free hand to cover the one clinging to him. Starscream started, looking down quickly, then flicked his gaze back up when Thundercracker spoke again.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s just a suggestion.”

Starscream’s hold turned suddenly painful. “No!” he rasped. “I mean...”

He dropped his gaze back to their hands and Thundercracker sighed inwardly. _Why is it so hard for you to accept help?_ “Does that mean you _do_ want to?”

A pause, then another small nod. So far so good. Now for the dicy part.

“Okay, then. Think you can walk?”

Starscream slowly shook his head again and sank back against the wall, hand relaxing on Thundercracker's wrist. He was still visibly frightened, but it was equally easy to see that he was losing the strength to act on it, and the sheer helplessness on his face made Thundercracker want to look away. He was used to Starscream having a plan for any situation, even if that plan was just "beg" or "run", and seeing him unable to do even that made Thundercracker feel like he was intruding on something private. But he couldn’t just leave, either, so he slowly turned the hand under Starscream's to grip the other Seeker’s wrist in return, stilling when he tensed.

"I'm just going to help you up, okay? And we'll see how you do."

Starscream didn't look like it was okay at all, but he didn't refuse. So Thundercracker stood, pulling Starscream up with him, and quickly wrapped an arm around his waist when his legs buckled. Starscream sagged against his chest, shivering as though he was freezing rather than badly overheated.

“Okay,” Thundercracker muttered, shifting so he could pull Starscream’s arm over his shoulders. “We’ll just take it slow then.”

It was a good thing it was a short trek, because it was quickly apparent that Starscream wouldn’t have made it without help. He could walk, but leaned heavily on Thundercracker the whole way, and looked ready to collapse by the time they reached their destination. His optics weren’t even online anymore - he just went where Thundercracker guided him, and that was somehow more worrying than anything else had been.

Skywarp was nowhere to be seen, so Thundercracker lowered Starscream onto his own berth, then sat down next to him with a sigh. Starscream didn’t react, although he flinched when Thundercracker laid a hand on his head again. It felt like his temperature had risen even further, but maybe it was just Thundercracker’s worry-fueled imagination playing tricks on him.

“Should have commed Hook,” he muttered. Starscream stirred weakly, optics flickering, and Thundercracker sighed, gently stroking his forehead with his thumb. “No, I’m not going to. I said I wouldn’t, didn’t I? But we’ve got to get you cooled off a bit.”

He thought for a moment, then opened a line to Skywarp. “You doing anything important?”

::Depends on why you’re asking.::

“I’ll take that as a no. Listen, I need you to bring some cold water and rags to our quarters. I’ve got Starscream with me, and he’s...” Thundercracker hesitated, but Skywarp would see for himself soon enough. “He looks pretty bad. I think he’s sick.”

Skywarp was silent for a moment, then swore softly. ::Be there in a couple minutes.::

Thundercracker nodded and cut the connection, then frowned down at Starscream, whose optics were dark again. He felt like he should comm someone else, but other than Hook, he couldn’t think of anyone who would be able to help. And with Starscream’s trust issues, the last thing he wanted to do was break his promise.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for Skywarp to appear in the middle of the room with a bucket of water in hand. He set it at Thundercracker’s feet along with a handful of polishing cloths then knelt by the berth, frowning deeply.

“Frag, he wasn’t half this bad when I saw him earlier today. What’s wrong with him?”

Thundercracker shrugged, grabbing a cloth and dipping it in the water. “Virus? I dunno.”

Skywarp snorted. “Yeah, sure. And just how would that have happened?”

He had a point. Starscream was almost hypochondriacal about viruses, and Thundercracker had never known him to catch one unless everyone else caught it first. For him to be the only one sick was strange at best.

“Do you have a better idea?” Thundercracker asked, draping the sodden cloth over Starscream’s forehead in an attempt to cool his processor and grabbing another one.

“Systems damage?” Skywarp suggested. “I’ve heard of bots with crushed vents and stuff frying their circuits because they overheated so badly.”

“I guess it’s possible, but he looks fine.” Or almost fine. But Thundercracker wasn’t about to comment on the shallow dent in Starscream’s cheek, which looked very much like someone had hit him. The Trine had become used to the marks Megatron’s treatment left on Starscream, both physical and mental, and it was easier for all of them if it never came up.

“Well, frag, I don’t know.” Skywarp grabbed a cloth of his own. “Why don’t we just comm Hook? I’ll bet he could figure it out.“

Thundercracker shot a quick glance at Starscream’s face, but he didn’t react to Hook’s name this time. “I thought of that too. But…” Thundercracker trailed off, wringing his cloth out over Starscream’s near wing. Both Seekers winced at the soft hiss of water evaporating on contact.

“But?” Skywarp prompted pointedly.

“When I suggested that, he freaked out. And I’m not talking about a normal freakout, he was _scared._ Really scared.”

“Of _Hook?_ ”

“Yeah. Maybe he was just delirious, but the way he looked, you’d have thought I’d suggested giving him to Shockwave for experimentation or something.”

Skywarp glanced at Starscream, expression blank. “Huh.”

Silence fell between them as they worked to bring their Trinemate’s temperature down. Eventually Thundercracker leaned back against the wall with a groan, throwing his cloth into the bucket.

“I still think we should comm Hook,” Skywarp said, dropping his own cloth in after Thundercracker’s. “What if he needs help?”

Thundercracker sighed. “I know, but I told him I wouldn’t. When he wakes up we can talk to him about it, but until then, we’ll just have to wait.”

Skywarp folded his arms with a grunt, but didn’t otherwise reply. Thundercracker removed the cloth draped over Starscream’s head for what felt like the hundredth time, but this time instead of replacing it, he pressed his hand to the other’s brow again. Starscream felt much cooler now, to Thundercracker’s relief. He added the cloth to the bucket and sat back again, glancing at Skywarp. The other Seeker was staring down at Starscream with a dark look on his face, and Thundercracker knew immediately what was going through his mind.

“This was _not_ your fault.”

“Yes it was!” Skywarp snapped. “I _knew_ something was wrong when I saw him earlier. I _knew_ he was hiding something, and I didn’t even ask about it!”

“Yeah, and I’m the one who said it didn’t sound much different from his normal behavior. If you want to blame someone, blame Starscream for hiding it in the first place. Because even if you had asked, you know as well as I do that he wouldn’t have told you anything.”

“I wish he would,” Skywarp muttered, standing up. Thundercracker copied the action, worried that he was going to leave the room, but Skywarp just moved to his own berth and sat down.

“Looks like your berth’s taken,” he noted. “You gonna recharge on the floor, or do you want to share?”

“Share,” Thundercracker decided. “We’ve got a mission tomorrow, so- aw, slag. I was supposed to tell the others about that.”

“So wake ‘em up when it’s time to go,” Skywarp said dismissively. “Now come on if you’re going to, I wanna sleep.”

Thundercracker cast a last glance at Starscream, who seemed to be resting quietly, then joined Skywarp, lying facedown on the edge of the berth. A warm weight settled on his upper back as Skywarp arranged himself so that he would be able to see Starscream easily, and Thundercracker knew that, despite his words to the contrary, Skywarp wouldn’t be sleeping much. Arguing with him would do no good, though, so Thundercracker just shut off his optics, sending a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening for Starscream to feel better come morning. Or at least be more willing to see Hook if he didn’t.

* * *

 Starscream awakened the second time feeling impossibly drained. His senses returned slowly; first came an awareness of lying half-curled on one wing, next the soft sound of his cooling systems at work. Then, when he finally activated his optics, it took several seconds to identify the dark flat mass in front of him as a wall. It took several seconds more to remember that his berth wasn’t pushed up to a wall like this. Not to mention he hadn’t fallen asleep in his berth anyway, and the last he remembered, he hadn’t even been in his quarters. So where _was_ he, and how had he gotten there?

The answers didn’t seem particularly important to him at that moment. He was too tired, and nothing felt right. So he just stared at the wall for a while until a flashing red message on his HUD caught his attention: _Processor reboot could not be completed._

Starscream frowned tiredly. That was strange. Unlike computer processors, Cybertronian processors never shut down completely. To do so would also shut down vital systems. The only reasons why his would need to reboot would be if it had crashed, whether partly or fully, or if his own systems had shut down all functions not required for survival in an effort to work through errors. Except if the latter was the case, it clearly hadn’t worked.

He opened the error report his self-diagnostics had generated, skimming disinterestedly through it. Thermostat recalibration, failed. Gyroscopic recalibration, failed. Neural net recalibration, failed. These were the same errors he’d been receiving since his viruses activated. The overheating and low fuel warnings were similarly familiar. But below those he found errors of another sort, warning of memory files that couldn't be accessed and systems that had been shut down for a brief time.

Those weren’t a result of his illness. Added to his processor's incomplete reboot, and the strange way his body felt, those looked more like the results of a crash.

He rolled over with effort. The first thing he registered was his Trinemates lying together on the berth opposite him, which was a familiar sight on those rare occasions when they talked him into staying with them when he was injured. He was in their quarters, but he still couldn’t remember how he’d gotten here.

He stared at them for a few moments, then sat up slowly. As expected his balance was nonexistent, but he managed to get upright, where he waited for his gyros to find some semblance of normal alignment. But once they did, he realized he didn’t know what to do now. He felt safer than he had in his own quarters, but with no memory of how he’d ended up with his Trine, he was afraid anyway. Afraid of what he might have done or said, and of what Skywarp and Thundercracker would say when they woke up. He couldn’t handle an interrogation.

There was no inner debate this time. For all his fear of what would happen if Megatron or Soundwave got hold of him again, his fear of others discovering what had been done to him was stronger.

He stood up reluctantly, using the wall at the head of the berth to support himself while his gyros adjusted again. Then he turned towards the door.

“Well, there’s gratitude for ya.”

Starscream stumbled, keeping his balance only because of the wall he was still leaning on.

“I mean, it’s not like Thundercracker and I didn’t help you last night,” Skywarp continued in a half-asleep tone which was completely at odds with the obvious intent of his words. “Least you could do is stick around instead of sneaking off.”

Starscream slowly turned to face him, not taking his hand from the wall. “Funny, I don’t remember asking for your help.”

“Pretty sure the situation fell under ‘implied consent’. You know, ‘cause you were overheated to the point of passing out?”

Starscream couldn’t answer. Would that be Soundwave’s excuse if he glitched and refused aid? That he’d needed help and been in no condition to ask, which made the situation one of implied consent? In theory it was wrong for anyone to "help" him against his will, but in practice it would be his word against Soundwave’s, and if Soundwave said he hadn’t refused, he knew who Megatron would be more likely to believe.

“You okay?” Skywarp’s voice cut into his thoughts. Starscream moved his gaze from the far wall to Skywarp, who was now sitting up.

“Fine.”

“You sure? You spaced out for a minute there.”

“Of course I’m sure.” There was no heat in his words. For a few moments the two Seekers stared at each other, then Starscream looked away, pointedly glancing around the room instead. “Why am I here?”

Skywarp snorted, nudging the bottom edge of Thundercracker’s wing with his elbow. “Softspark here found you wandering the halls last night and decided to bring you home with him. I told him you wouldn’t be grateful, but of course he wouldn’t listen.” He paused, frowning. “You don’t remember that?”

Starscream shrugged and turned away. He’d barely taken three steps when Skywarp spoke again. “You know, you don’t have to leave. It’s okay if you want to stick around ‘til you feel better.”

Starscream stopped again, although he didn’t bother to turn around this time. He saw no point in trying to pretend he didn’t felt like slag, so instead of denying his illness he asked, “What makes you think I don’t?”

“I dunno. Everything? You look pretty bad.”

“It’s nothing.” Skywarp made a disbelieving noise and Starscream scowled. “I’m serious! I have it under control, I just…” He hesitated, then decided to tell a minor truth. “I have a virus. But whatever you saw last night, it’s not as bad as it looked. I can handle it, I just need to redownload the patches.”

Skywarp didn’t reply immediately. Starscream waited impatiently, feeling weaker with every passing second. He was just about to give up and leave when Skywarp said, “You know, you could get Hook to actually remove it instead of just controlling it.”

_“I don't need Hook!”_ Starscream exploded, slamming his fist into the wall. "I need to be left alone!"

His words were puntuated by a yelp from behind him, followed by a loud clang and a crash. He turned wearily to see Thundercracker on the floor, struggling to roll over with his wings getting in the way, and Skywarp bent over the berth, rubbing his head.

"Excuse me for trying to help," Skywarp muttered, pushing himself up again. Thundercracker managed to sit up as well, holding his shoulder and grimacing.

"Talk about rude awakenings..." Thundercracker's optics met Starscream's and his frown faded. "Oh, hey. You're up."

Starscream grunted. "Obviously."

Thundercracker stood slowly, watching Starscream with a strange, tense look on his face. "How do you feel?"

Starscream stared warily back at him, trying not to be too obvious about leaning on the wall. Something about the way Thundercracker was looking at him felt familiar, but he couldn't place it. Something to do with the night before, perhaps? Skywarp had said that it was Thundercracker who brought him here. Just what had he seen?

"He has a virus," Skywarp said, making Starscream realize he'd taken too long to respond.

"I can take care of it myself," he hissed, shooting Skywarp a dark look.

"And he still doesn't want to see Hook," Skywarp added heedlessly.

"Because I don't need to!"

"Starscream," Thundercracker interrupted, "I really think you do. You weren't yourself last night."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Starscream snarled, angling his body so he could retreat without showing his back. "It's a _virus_ , not a complete personality overhaul or..." He trailed off, unable to finish. Thundercracker started to speak, but Starscream cut him off. "I don't have time for this."

"You're not seriously planning to go into battle like this, are you?" Skywarp asked.

"I've managed so far."

"Don't be stupid-" Thundercracker began, but Starscream interrupted again.

"I'll be fine! Worry about yourselves and leave me alone!"

He didn't wait for further arguement, leaving the room as quickly as his tired body would allow. He half expected - maybe half hoped - that they would come after him, but it seemed that they were going to do what he told them to for once. The hopeful part of him was disappointed, but he dismissed it. He didn't have time to think about them. He needed to get to his lab and redownload the patches that would regulate his systems, and refuel if his tanks would let him. And after that...

Well, he couldn't think about after. There was too much uncertainty involved. It would be better to take each moment as it came, and figure out his next step after the attack.

If he survived the attack. But the way he felt now, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. 

* * *

  
Megatron really should have known better than to ask how a program functioned.

He sighed in frustration as he paced his quarters - a behavior he normally scorned as wasted energy - glaring at the datapad he held. The information he’d requested from Soundwave wasn’t particularly helpful. Much of it he already knew, or else it was technical beyond his ability to fully grasp. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he’d requested it, beyond the fact that he didn’t trust what he didn’t understand. Part of it might have been a simple desire to know what was going on with Starscream; not just psychologically, but on a base level. Though from what he _had_ been able to glean, the two were hopelessly intertwined in this case.

He threw the datapad down on his desk and picked up his morning ration instead, gazing absently into the depths of the fuel as his thoughts returned to the night before. He wouldn’t lie, he had enjoyed reminding Starscream who was in charge. He hadn’t gone in with the intention of humiliating the Seeker - his primary purpose had been exactly what he’d said it was - but it had been a satisfying bonus. Particularly the moment when Starscream had responded to his touch, trying to encourage more of the same treatment he had denounced as “demeaning”. But it had also been disturbing to watch Starscream fight against himself, and the entire encounter had been accompanied by the nagging thought that the Seeker was utterly defenseless. Why that made a difference now when he’d never cared before, he didn’t know, but he’d been harder on Starscream than he’d initially intended because of it.

Megatron scowled and drained the cube, then crushed the forcefield in his hand. Soundwave was right, of course. Starscream wasn’t the only one who needed to get used to the way things would be now. In all likelihood, what Megatron saw as a problem was completely normal and would eventually be resolved. Though he would prefer it if they could be resolved without any further involvement from Soundwave.

He drew the datapad toward himself with one finger, optics narrowed as he again read through the note Soundwave had concluded his report with: a note which suggested that Starscream’s current poor health might be a symptom of a glitch or other malfunction, and ended with a request to check his coding after their mission was complete. Megatron was pleased that Soundwave had asked permission this time, but he didn’t like the thought that it might be necessary. Nor was he going to grant the request without first investigating whether the problem had a less malevolent source. A viral scan would be far less invasive, and - hopefully - less likely to traumatize the Seeker further.

A low growl rumbled in his chest at the thought. His views regarding trauma were complicated at best. On one hand he knew that even strong minds were susceptible to damage, just as strong bodies were. He had seen the results of loss and torture too many times to believe otherwise. But at the same time, he had no respect for those who allowed their demons to rule them rather than face and overcome their fears. Right now Starscream was doing the former, and Megatron was honestly disappointed in him. But that didn’t mean he was ready to make things worse without need.

He shut off the datapad and slipped it into subspace, mouth twisted in distaste. If it did become necessary to let Soundwave do as he’d requested, it would be easy to make sure Starscream didn’t resist. But the knowledge brought no satisfaction. The mere idea of forcing Starscream to submit to Soundwave was abhorrent, as was the idea of Soundwave physically overpowering Starscream. Which he was fully capable of, or he wouldn’t have been able to reprogram him in the first place.

Given Megatron’s suspicions about what Soundwave was up to, the thought was deeply unsettling.

_Enough of this,_ he told himself. He had an attack to lead. There would be time to think about all of this later, after the Autobots had been delivered a crushing defeat.

His resolve lasted until he reached the Command Center. There he found almost a dozen Decepticons already assembled, Starscream among them. But where the others stood together in groups, engaged in pre-battle banter, Starscream lingered alone by one of the monitors. His mere presence proved that he must have slept, but it didn’t appear to have done him much good. He still looked exhausted, and as Megatron drew near, he realized that he was staring at the Ark layout in front of him without seeing it - lost in his own mind once again.

Hopefully that wouldn’t be a problem on the field. Then again, Megatron hadn’t yet decided whether he would even let Starscream join them.

There really wasn’t a way to rouse him from his thoughts without scaring him, especially as jumpy as he’d been lately. So Megatron just stepped up behind him like he always did, although he made a point of announcing his presence early, and in a slightly lower voice than usual. “Working hard, I see.”

As expected, Starscream jumped and looked up quickly. A tremor went through his wings and his optics darted past Megatron to the assembled mechs, though whether he was hoping for a reprieve because they were in public or afraid of what might happen where everyone could see was hard to guess. It could have been both, knowing him. Whatever it was, it didn't stop him from muttering, " _Someone_ has to." He started to turn away, but Megatron's hand on his shoulder made him freeze.

"Is there something you want to say?" Megatron inquired warningly. Starscream's gaze slowly returned to him while Megatron took note of the fact that his temperature, at least, had improved. Then Starscream's face hardened and he shrugged off the hand, looking back to the monitor.

"Of course not. I know how much my opinion is worth."

"Hmm." Megatron considered the diagrams on the screen, then reached past Starscream and shut off the monitor.

Starscream made an indignant sound, rounding on him. "Why did you-"

"Turn command of the Seekers over to Skywarp or Thundercracker," Megatron ordered calmly. "You will be joining me and the Constructicons."

Starscream's expression morphed into something not quite horrified. "What? Why?"

"You were the one who suggested it," Megatron reminded him. "Something about the matter duplicator falling into _your_ realm of experience?"

"But... But you said-"

"As I recall, I said that you would do as you were told. I never specified what that would be." Megatron gave that a moment to sink in, then added, "Why so displeased? I thought you wanted to be involved with the main operation. Unless," he lowered his voice, "you're still trying to avoid me?"

A familiar expression of startled fear crossed Starscream's face as he realized Megatron knew what he'd been doing for the last two weeks. He started to shake his head, mouth opening to deliver some denial, but Megatron interrupted. "I can't say I'm surprised, but I won't tolerate it. We'll never get anywhere if you insist on hiding."

It wasn't the most subtle reminder of the training they had begun, but without context, Megatron was satisfied no one would spare the comment a second thought. Starscream seemed to think differently, casting another worried look at the others in the room. Then he refocused on Megatron, face set in a weak glare. "Fine," he hissed quietly. "But don't blame me when something goes wrong and we end up with no fuel."

"I think that unlikely," Megatron said, leaning down slightly to make sure he kept Starscream's full attention. "Because if we don't come away with sufficient energon, those responsible for obtaining it will be going straight back out to collect more from another source. Be sure to mention that when you brief them."

"You can't be serious!" Starscream protested.

"And why not? I meant it when I said our fuel shortage would provide incentive."

Starscream shook his head. "If it's so important, why not tell them yourself?"

"Because they're your responsibility as Air Commander," Megatron replied curtly, turning away. "You'll never make it as a leader if you can't set aside your own feelings about an unpleasant action for the good of your followers."

He almost looked back when Starscream didn't reply. Almost. But he needed to accept that this was going to be the new normal now, and the only way he could do that was to treat it like it _was_ normal. Even so, his gaze found its way back to where Starscream stood as soon as he settled in his throne. The Seeker had turned his back, but his drooping wings spoke volumes about his current state of mind, and it wasn't what Megatron would have hoped for.

Despite what he often said to the contrary, he didn't want to break Starscream's spirit; broken soldiers were useless, and that kind of fire was hard to find after so long at war. But he did want to control it, bend it to his will, and Starscream's refusal to ever truly submit only made it that much more enticing. Now he had that control, but at what cost?

Megatron irritably shook off the thought. Starscream would be all right. Of course he would. He was nigh-on impossible to get rid of, a trait he shared with all of the least desirable creatures in the universe. He was just in one of his subdued phases, as he often was after being forcibly put in his place. It would pass like it always did.

At least he would be able to keep an optic on Starscream during the mission. Bringing him along probably wasn't the best idea, but if the Autobots had anything else of value in their labs, he would be the one to spot it. And the Decepticons needed every advantage they could get.

* * *

 

Starscream stared at the blank screen before him, clenched fists resting on the edge of the console. He wasn't surprised that Megatron was going to keep him close at hand. He should have expected it, really, given his new status. But he didn't like it. Nor did he like being the one to tell the others that they would be punished if their part of the mission failed; if things did go badly, he would be the one they got mad at. But he couldn't refuse to go through with it.

He snuck a glance over his shoulder, trying to ignore the sour heat building inside as he watched Megatron address Scrapper. It made no sense to feel betrayed. Megatron was always hurting him, casting him aside, humiliating him. There shouldn't have been anything _left_ to betray. But the feeling was there anyway, along with a familiar sense of abandonment.

He turned his face back to the front and shut off his optics. He could tell himself that it didn't matter why he had been reprogrammed, but it did. He had to have done _something_ to deserve punishment like this. But he didn't have the faintest idea what it could be, and not knowing was a disease all of its own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed the playlist from the last chapter, you might like to check out the newest addition, "Out of Hell" by Skillet. I am endlessly amused by the fact that the song is from an album called "Unleashed".


	10. Plans Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the best laid plans have a tendency not to go according to plan. But usually the Decepticons can get out the door before things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write on so many levels. That is all.

They should have gone after Starscream immediately.

It was all Thundercracker could think after he and Skywarp spent almost an hour searching for their unwell Trinemate without success. Wherever Starscream had disappeared to, it wasn't one of his usual haunts, and the other two Seekers had finally been forced to return to their quarters in defeat.

"For Primus' sake!" Thundercracker growled, dropping onto his berth. "How does a sick mech just  _disappear_  like that?"

Skywarp snorted, leaning against the opposite wall with his arms folded. "When that mech's Starscream? Pretty fraggin' easily."

Thundercracker grunted, bracing his elbows against his knees and dropping his head into his hands. He still wasn't happy that Skywarp had scared Starscream off by bringing up Hook, but he was more upset with himself for stopping to scold him for it. It had only been a minute, but that was all the time Starscream needed to disappear without a trace.

"Not in his lab," Thundercracker muttered, naming the first place they had checked. "Not in his quarters, the Command Center, the rec room, or the washracks. Where could he  _be?"_

"Passed out in a hallway somewhere," Skywarp suggested flatly. "We didn't get a chance to see if his temperature stayed down. For all we know he relapsed, took a wrong turn, got lost. Was found by someone less nice than you."

Thundercracker raised his head to glare at Skywarp, who just stared pointedly back at him for a few moments before adding, " _If_  he was found at all."

"For the last time, I'm  _not_  forcing him to see Hook," Thundercracker snapped, shoving himself back to his feet. "I promised him I wouldn't."

"Yeah, and you know what?  _He doesn't remember that,"_  Skywarp countered, pushing off from the wall. "He doesn't remember you finding him, or bringing him here, or who knows what else! He needs  _help."_

"And you think dragging him to someone he's terrified of is a good idea? Delirious or not, he  _knew_ who I was talking about, and he was  _begging_ me not to comm him!"

"Yeah, see, that word right there weakens your argument. If he was delirious, who even  _knows_  what he thought was going on?"

"He can't have been too far out of it, to have reacted the same way this morning."

"So what are you saying, that Hook did something to him?" Skywarp shook his head. "Do you know how crazy that sounds?"

Thundercracker growled impatiently. "If you had waited and let  _me_ talk to him instead of getting him worked up, maybe we could have found out why he was so scared and not be having this discussion now!"

"Oh sure, blame a mech for being worried." Thundercracker started to speak, but Skywarp stepped back. "You know what, forget it. If you don't want to tell Hook because of some stupid promise, fine, but  _I_ never said I wouldn't."

Thundercracker's optics widened. "Skywarp, don't you  _dare-"_

Too late. Skywarp had already disappeared, leaving Thundercracker speaking to empty air. He stared at the space for a moment, then dropped his head back to his hands with a frustrated groan.

"Only Starscream," he muttered. Only Starscream could cause this much trouble just by getting sick. It wasn't often Thundercracker regretted accepting him into the Trine, but right now he was close. He loathed being stuck with a wingmate who, by Seeker standards, was not socially functional in any sense. Trust and caring were the essential elements of any Trine, and Starscream seemed increasingly incapable of either as time went on. Part of that was the war and the abuse he suffered, of course, but those events would have pushed a normal Seeker to their wingmates, not pulled them away. Starscream never went to his Trine for comfort.

Except.

Thundercracker grimaced and shut off his optics, trying to physically block out the image of Starscream huddled on the floor of a hallway, terrified and weak, yet willing to join his Trine for the night despite his vulnerability. If that wasn't trust, Thundercracker didn't know what to call it. But did it really count if Starscream hadn't been lucid? It had been business as usual once he was back on his feet, and knowing he had still been scared didn't help anything. Normal Seekers didn't run from their Trines when they were afraid.

Maybe Skywarp was right. Maybe Thundercracker  _should_ have just let Hook take care of the problem. Trying to help Starscream himself had been a stupid idea, one likely brought about by his talk with Soundwave. Reliving the past had made him sentimental.

Soundwave. He would want to know about this turn of events. Although he had already known that Starscream was ill and that he was behaving more fearfully than normal, so he was probably already aware of-

Thundercracker stopped. Hadn't Soundwave said Starscream was avoiding him? Just like he was now trying to avoid Hook? If his newfound fear of one looked anything like his aversion to the other, Soundwave's questions about calming him took on a whole new meaning. And it wasn't just them he was afraid of, he had been terrified of Thundercracker too, before recognizing him. What if he wasn't actually afraid of  _them,_  but of something - or some _one_  - else that they reminded him of? And what if the sudden deterioration of his mental state had an explanation beyond his preexisting instability?

"Frag," Thundercracker whispered. He pinged Soundwave, pacing the room with his head still in his hands while he waited for an answer.

::Thundercracker,:: came the calm greeting. ::Purpose of communication?::

"We need to talk," Thundercracker said, coming to a stop. He took a deep ventilation. "I think Starscream's been attacked."

* * *

"Laser scalpel, line clamps, beryllium drill…"

Hook carefully arranged each item on a tray as he listed it, scowling and moving tools around whenever he couldn't immediately locate something. Properly trained medic or not, no one would ever accuse him of being ill-prepared as a surgeon. He might be required on the field today, but if anything happened he would be ready to deal with it immediately upon return-

A resounding  _crash_  jolted him from his thoughts, followed a few moments later by Bonecrusher's voice snarling, "Frag it, Skywarp! How many times do we have to tell ya not to warp into the med bay?"

Hook cycled a slow ventilation and carefully set a soldering iron down on the tray. Then he turned sharply and strode to the door of the operating room, lips pressed into a thin line as he stepped out into the main room of the med bay.

"Mute it," Skywarp was snarling from the floor, trying to heave a floundering Scavenger from his back. "Where's Hook?"

Hook answered for his teammates. "This had better be a real emergency, or you'll be  _praying_  you don't end up back here after the raid."

"Why wait?" Bonecrusher asked, pulling Scavenger off of Skywarp. "I'd be happy to wreck 'im for you now."

"Watch it," Skywarp growled threateningly, stumbling back to his feet.

"The  _point,_ " Hook interjected, marching up to them, "is that we only have a couple hours to get ready. Anything less than an emergency will have to wait."

Skywarp gave Bonecrusher a dark look. "I'd rather talk about it in private."

Coming from Skywarp, it was a strange request. Hook considered him, then sighed and motioned the other Constructicons towards the door. "Go, I'll deal with him." To Skywarp he added, "We can talk in the operating room.  _If_ you make it fast."

He didn't wait to see if his orders would be followed before returning to the operating room himself. He adjusted the soldering iron on its tray, then resumed organizing his tools. An impatient cough drew his gaze briefly to Skywarp, who stood with his arms crossed, but Hook just continued his task with a clipped, "Well?"

"Starscream's sick," Skywarp said in a rush. "He collapsed last night-"

"Collapsed?" Hook repeated, turning face Skywarp. "What do you mean he  _collapsed_?" He had expected it would happen, but not this soon. Not when Starscream had been weakening so gradually before now.

"He was overheating badly," Skywarp explained. "Thundercracker thinks he was delirious too, because he was acting strangely-"

"Where is he?"

"Well… we don't exactly know," Skywarp hedged. "We had him with us last night so we could watch him, but he ran off this morning."

Hook muttered a curse, removing a datapad from subspace. "He was sick enough to  _collapse_  and you didn't comm me?"

"You can blame Thundercracker for that. I kept saying we should, but he said we shouldn't 'cause Starscream didn't want us to."

Hook could guess why, and he inwardly berated himself for taking so long to tell Starscream that he was already aware of the situation."Overheating, passing out and possible delirium," he repeated, entering the information into the datapad. "Did you notice anything else wrong?"

Skywarp tilted his head with a frown. "He just seemed  _off_  this morning. Unfocused. And he didn't remember last night."

Hook resisted a snort.  _That_  described Starscream for the last two weeks, although the memory loss was worrying. At best he had a virus that had corrupted the data before it could be stored in his memory banks. But the more likely scenario was that his processor had crashed and the information was safe in an offline core, waiting to be processed. On the surface the virus seemed the worse option, but corrupted data could be recovered. Crashes could take entire systems offline, including life support functions. If they were severe enough, or if several occurred within a short time, they could be fatal.

"Did you see any signs of systems failure?" Hook pressed. "Trouble venting, purging, shaking, convulsions?"

Skywarp cringed, but shook his head. "No! I mean, yeah, he was kinda shaky this morning, but that was because he was having trouble standing, not… I was watching him all night, I would have noticed something like that."

"At least you did something right," Hook muttered.

"Hey, I  _said_  we should call you!"

"Yes, you mentioned." Hook raised a hand to forestall any further protest and turned away. "Have any of you seen Starscream?" he demanded over his team's comm line.

There was a short pause, then Scrapper answered, ::He's here in the Command Center.::

Well, that was easy. "Does he appear to be functioning normally?"

::...I hadn't noticed.::

"Well notice now, this is important."

"Someone found him?" Skywarp cut in. "Where is he?"

Hook shot him a look and Skywarp quieted with a grumble.

::He looks about normal,:: Scrapper reported. ::Maybe a bit nervous, but he's got Megatron looming over him, so that's hardly unusual.::

"Define 'looming'."

::I don't think you'll have to make repairs.::

"Whether he needs them or not, I want that Seeker in the med bay  _now_. Skywarp just told me he passed out last night, and it sounds like a crash. I don't care what you have to do, get Megatron to send him here if you have to, but  _get him here."_

Scrapper muttered a curse. ::I'll see what I can do, but no promises.::

The connection cut. Hook shook his head, then turned back to Skywarp, who was bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Scrapper's going to see about sending him in. I'll do some scans and see what comes up, but there isn't time to do much for him. Except recommend he stay behind, but you know Megatron will want solid proof of a problem before he'll act on it."

"He'll get it," Skywarp muttered. "Starscream was bad last night."

Hook started to set the datapad down, then paused when he realized he would upset his carefully arranged tools and returned it to subspace it instead. "He might be easier to convince if you stayed to provide your account of events, since I'm quite sure we can't trust Starscream on the matter."

Skywarp snorted. "Yeah, like I'd be going anywhere anyway. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"Well then." Hook folded his arms over his chest. "While we're waiting, perhaps you can tell me why Swindle and Brawl showed up last night with bright yellow paint burned into their armor?"

The look of horror on Skywarp's face was a welcome distraction from the worry Hook couldn't seem to shake off.

* * *

"I have a message from Hook," Scrapper announced as he moved up beside Megatron's throne. "He wants to see Starscream in the med bay."

"Now?" Megatron questioned, turning his gaze from the Seeker in question to frown at Scrapper. "Has he completely forgotten that we're on a schedule?"

Scrapper shrugged. "That's why it's urgent. Apparently Starscream passed out last night."

Megatron sat back slowly, staring hard at Scrapper. "Really. And just how did he hear about this?" he demanded, watching out the corner of his optic as Starscream sent what was probably meant to be a subtle glance in their direction.

"From Skywarp. I don't know the details, just that Hook thinks he crashed and wants him brought in."

Megatron's hands tightened into fists. "I was with Starscream until early evening. He showed no signs of either cognitive or physical difficulties then."

Scrapper shifted his weight, but his voice was steady when he replied, "A crash can occur within minutes of symptoms appearing. Especially when it's heat induced."

"Hmm." Megatron returned his gaze to Starscream, not really listening. He knew Scrapper was right, but he wasn't interested in onset times right now. He was too busy running other calculations. There couldn't have been more than a few hours between when he left Starscream and when Skywarp turned in, and Starscream couldn't have left his quarters without recharging first. But nor would he have succumbed to exhaustion immediately, if he was afraid to sleep, so unless Skywarp had visited him for some reason...

That fragging Seeker. Just how much sleep had he gotten before deciding he'd fulfilled his orders?

Scrapper coughed lightly, regaining Megatron's attention. "Should I tell Starscream to report to the med bay, or…?"

Megatron shook his head. "No. I'll deal with him myself. It seems he and I have a few things to discuss."

Scrapper's visor flickered, and Megatron knew he was looking away. "If he  _did_  crash, he's not likely to be as functional as he appears. False recoveries can happen sometimes, after the processor reboots. But he could relapse if the problem wasn't resolved."

"Your point?"

"He shouldn't be allowed in combat if he's at risk." After a few seconds of silence Scrapper added, "Please don't shoot the messenger."

Megatron had to hold back a groan upon recognizing the human phrase. "You may resume your duties. And inform Hook that he has a patient on the way."

Scrapper bowed his head and stepped back, leaving Megatron to his thoughts. On the edge of his vision he saw Starscream turning to face the room and refocused on him, taking in the drooping wings and slumped posture with a frown. Starscream was a proud mech; whether he'd crashed or not, he had to be feeling terrible to be broadcasting it.

Megatron replayed their earlier conversation in his head, noting again Starscream's nervousness and confusion throughout the brief interaction. None of it registered as unusual when compared to their last few encounters, but perhaps that was the problem: if he'd behaved that way before being reprogrammed, Megatron would have known immediately that something was seriously wrong. But now, when abnormal behavior was expected, warning signs went unnoticed.

It was an understandable mistake, but not an excusable one, especially when Starscream was already known to be ill. Megatron would have to be more careful. And, apparently, more exact in how he phrased his orders. It wouldn't do any good for Starscream to obey by doing the bare minimum required of him.

For now, however, the most important thing was to make sure the idiot hadn't done himself serious harm by not resting.

* * *

Starscream couldn't handle it anymore. Having everyone behind him was driving him crazy.

He turned to face the room, folding his arms over his chest to hide the trembling in his hands. Despite his intentions when he left his Trine's quarters, he hadn't returned to his lab; the realization that they could easily find him there if they came looking had scared him off. It was stupid to go without the patches he needed, and he  _knew_ it was stupid, but the fear of being dragged to and scanned by Hook had crushed every rational thought he'd managed to have on the matter. As a result, a cold shower to bring his temperature down had been the extent of his self-medication.

His optics swept the room, focusing briefly on Scrapper as he moved away from Megatron's throne, then settled on an empty patch of wall when the movement of the mechs around him proved too much to track. He felt sluggish, both physically and mentally, and he wasn't sure whether it was an aftereffect of his crash or simple exhaustion. Even carrying on a conversation was tiring, thanks to the effort required to pay attention. Hopefully Megatron hadn't noticed. He hadn't seemed to, but at this point Starscream didn't trust himself to be able to tell.

He couldn't fight like this. That was one thing he knew for certain, but what choice did he have? Megatron had given him his orders, and unless those orders changed… well. Best case scenario, Starscream would pass out or get injured and be dragged back to base in disgrace. More likely, though, he wouldn't live to see the day's end.

He still didn't know if that would be a bad thing. If the night before was any indicator of how things would be now, during both his waking and sleeping hours, the future held nothing he wanted to live through.

He was roused from his morose thoughts by a message flashing on his HUD, informing him that the diagnostic scan he'd been running was finally complete. It had taken far longer than he'd expected, and it was with a growing sense of unease that he opened the report. He skimmed past reiterations of the same warnings he'd awakened to, then notices about minor systems damage, and finally found the results of the processor scan.

He shut off his optics. Seven cores. His crash had taken  _seven cores_  offline, and two of the backups were lagging, including the one that ran diagnostics. It was no wonder he didn't feel right, although a second look assured him the problem wasn't as serious as it first seemed. The remaining five backups were fully functional, and two slow cores weren't a major loss. Cybertronian processors had dozens, including backups and cores which did nothing except coordinate other cores. In fliers the total count was over a hundred.

Given time his systems would have the damaged cores up and running again, and then he would be fine. Unless he experienced another crash, but he refused to consider that.

"Starscream."

He started and reactivated his optics, feeling strangely like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't. Or perhaps not so strangely, because Megatron was  _looking_ at him like he'd done something he shouldn't have.

"You're back," Starscream noted, trying to mask his irrational guilt.

"And you're distracted," Megatron countered before turning away, beckoning Starscream with a wave of his hand. "Come with me. We need to talk."

A talk out of the public optic? That could only end in misery. Starscream shuddered, but trailed silently after Megatron.  _Just do as you're told,_  he reminded himself.  _Don't waste energy fighting the little things._

They weren't heading for the privacy of Megatron's office, that much was quickly apparent. Starscream started to ask where they were going, then changed his mind and closed his mouth without making a sound. It was probably better for his vow of obedience if he didn't know.

They passed Scavenger and Bonecrusher heading in the opposite direction, but apart from them, this hallway appeared empty. Starscream was beginning to think it was a good thing he hasn't been able to make himself refuel earlier, because his tanks were starting to hurt. His diagnostic had informed him that his filtration system was among those damaged - a side effect of too much time spent purging - so he chose to believe that was what was causing the pain. The anxiety clawing at his insides had nothing to do with it, because he  _wasn't_  anxious. He wasn't going to let fear overcome him this time.

"Tell me," Megatron said abruptly, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Starscream, "how would you propose to deal with soldiers who were in no fit state to fight?"

The question snapped Starscream's scattering thoughts back into focus, and he stared at Megatron's back with a mix of shock and dread. As much as he longed for people to actually listen when he spoke, when had anything good ever come of Megatron asking for his opinion?

Casting around for what he hoped would be the right answer, he replied, "I suppose I would expect them to fight regardless. It's their own fault if they get killed because they were weak."

Megatron cast him another brief, guarded look. "That isn't what I asked."

Scrap. Starscream was silent as he replayed the question, wondering what he'd missed, and Megatron made an irritated sound. "Unless you're stupid, you wouldn't throw away the life of a mech who was useful to you. And even strong mechs can be weakened by injury or sickness. So if that was the case, and one of your soldiers was put out of commission by a temporary ailment, what would you do about it?"

Frag it all to the Pit. This was exactly the sort of question Starscream wasn't good with. Thinking about people as individuals was too personal, too risky. But if bots could still be useful he would want to keep them around, so…

"I would want them off the field until they recovered," he said at last, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.

"And how would you determine if a bot's condition was poor enough to warrant such consideration?"

"Is there a  _point_ to this line of questioning?"

Megatron came to an abrupt halt, forcing Starscream to do the same, and turned to face him, expression unexpectedly grim. "Answer the question, Starscream."

Starscream winced and took a step back, the memory of being thrown to the floor and literally ground under Megatron's heel still fresh in his mind. "I don't know," he bit out, bracing himself for a repeat experience.

Megatron waited a few moments, as though making sure that was really all the answer he intended to give, then hummed. "Passing out would be a good indicator that they aren't fit for battle, wouldn't you agree?"

Starscream froze, staring at him in alarm. How did he…?

Skywarp and Thundercracker. Starscream was going to kill them. But for the moment he had Megatron to deal with, and he couldn't think of a single reply that wouldn't get him in trouble for… something. The entire conversation now felt like an obvious trap, and he had walked right into it.

Starscream took another step back - which was rendered pointless when Megatron followed - and lowered his wings, fighting to keep his ventilations even.  _Stay calm,_  he reminded himself.

"So you  _did_  collapse," Megatron said, though he didn't look as triumphant as he usually did when he caught Starscream hiding something. "I must admit, I'm having trouble believing even  _you_  would be so stupid as to keep something like that to yourself. What happened to your finely honed instinct for self-preservation?"

The words were harsh, mocking, and Starscream couldn't seem to stop backing away. "I- It's not…"

"It's not what?" Megatron demanded, seizing Starscream's arm and ending his retreat. "Not important? Not serious? By all means, continue. I'm  _most_ curious to hear how you intend to finish that sentence."

So was Starscream. He mouthed silently, free hand finding Megatron's in an attempt to pry it from his arm while he scrambled for a reply. But he'd never known what he was saying to begin with, and orders or no, the program couldn't find words for him. It could only push him to speak, and the pressure grew with every second he remained silent, leaving him light-headed and trembling.

"I-it's not…" But starting over didn't help, and it was getting hard to deny the fear that was priming every system to run.

"What are you doing?" Megatron asked. Starscream jumped and shrank in on himself, spark racing. What had he done wrong?

"I- Y-you said…"

"Not everything that  _sounds_  like an order  _is_  an order," Megatron interrupted, annoyance clear in his voice.

Starscream stared at him, feeling as though he could crash again just trying to understand that comment. Determining how literally to take Megatron's orders was a layer of complexity he wasn't equipped to  _process_ , let alone handle. The subtleties of rhetoric were lost on him.

"Starscream." Megatron's free hand came up, gripping his other arm. Starscream glanced at it worriedly, then looked back up when Megatron continued. "What's wrong with you? And don't you  _dare_  lie to me."

Both hands tightened on the last words, bordering on painful. Starscream grimaced and tried to lower his wings appeasingly, only to realize they were already as low as they could go. He ducked his head instead, wondering where he would even begin to answer this new question - then realized there was only one honest answer he could give.

"You reprogrammed me," he said simply, barely audible even to himself. Now the hold on his arms  _did_  become painful, but he did his best not to react.

"That's hardly the only thing affecting you right now."

Starscream glared at the floor and resumed his efforts to pry Megatron's hand from his arm. "It's the only thing that matters."

The hand under his tore free. An open palm slammed up under his chin faster than he could process, shoving his head back. Fingers dug into the hinge of his jaw, but his grunt of pain was muffled by his inability to open his mouth. He tried to pull free, but Megatron tightened his grip and pulled him close.

"I am  _fully_  aware of how you feel about recent events," Megatron snarled. "You have made it  _very_ clear on  _multiple_ occasions. But bringing it up every time we speak is not going to make me change my mind."

Starscream spluttered in an attempt to speak, clawing at the hand choking him. But Megatron merely lifted him from the floor, forcing him to give up his struggles in favor of supporting as much of his own weight as he could.

"I don't know what possessed me to expect better of you," Megatron continued, "but your reaction to all of this is disgraceful. You've made no effort to face what has happened, and I was willing to leave you alone because Soundwave thought it would help you to have some time to accept it. But you clearly aren't willing to do that, and if the only way to make you accept your new life is to make you  _live_  it, I will."

He all but threw Starscream to the floor. Starscream landed hard on his side, jarring one wing, and lay there panting until Megatron entered his field of vision. Then he sat up slowly and tilted his head back, meeting Megatron's glare with frightened confusion. He'd obeyed, hadn't he? He'd answered honestly. Why had he been attacked for doing what he was told?

"If you didn't want the truth, why ask for it?" The words were out before he could stop them, and he flinched from the sound of his own voice. The shaky, hurt tone didn't sound like him at all.

"You know full well I was asking in a more specific sense than that," Megatron replied coldly.

Starscream shook his head, denying the claim, but regretted it when the world spun around him. "Why bother with specifics? Everything wrong with me now goes back to… that."

He pressed a hand to his head, waiting for the hallway to still. A growl was his only warning before Megatron grabbed his wrist, dragging him from the floor. He yelped in pain, staggering as he was forced to his feet before he was ready. But Megatron just wrapped an arm roughly around his waist and shoved him down the hall, keeping a painful hold on his wrist.

Starscream wanted to resist, but thought better of it. His tanks hadn't liked the violent return to an upright position, and the lingering dizziness wasn't helping. Nothing seemed important now except not purging.

Well. That and figuring out what he'd done to make Megatron so angry when all he  _had_  done was what he'd been told. He wondered if he should ask, but it was probably something obvious that would get him in trouble for stupidity. On the other hand, not knowing would get him in trouble the next time he did whatever it was.

Might as well get it over with, he decided, swallowing down his nausea. He had to try twice to produce any sound, and his voice still shook, but finally he managed a weak, "What did I do?"

Megatron snorted. "On which occasion?"

"You told me not to lie, and I didn't. But you still… Why? What did I  _do_?"

It came out more desperate, more  _hurt,_ than he wanted it to. He winced, silently cursing himself for the show of weakness.

"I believe I already explained that," Megatron said darkly. "But if you need it in  _simple_  terms, I'm sick of your complaining and moping. You're a Decepticon soldier,  _and_  my Second in Command. Act like it."

 _What do you think I'm_ _ **trying**_   _to do?_  Starscream wanted to shout the words, or at least get properly angry. Instead he whispered, "Is that one of those orders that isn't an order?"

Megatron sighed impatiently. "Yes, it is. Unfortunately, it would take a complete rewrite of your personality to accomplish  _that_  miracle."

Starscream decided it was time to stop talking while he still had some semblance of control over himself. He'd never realized Megatron hated him so much.

He tugged at the arm still held tightly in Megatron's grip, unable to ignore the growing pain anymore, and to his relief Megatron released him. He gingerly rubbed his dented wrist and finally lifted his gaze from the floor, optics flitting as he regained his bearings. When he realized what section of the base they were in, however, his intention to stay silent evaporated.

"Where are we going?"

"The med bay."

Starscream immediately stopped, only to stagger on when Megatron shoved him forward. "But- I can't! If Hook scans me…"

"He'll find out what happened to you?" Megatron finished when Starscream cut himself off. "He already knows."

The words didn't make sense at first. Then Starscream stumbled again, and this time a push from Megatron sent him to his knees. But he barely noticed the impact and just knelt on the floor, optics wide, with all of his earlier pain eclipsed by one horrible thought:

"Hook… knows… You  _told_ him?"

"That surprises you?" Megatron knelt beside him and he shied away. "You might like to think you're invincible, but you need regular scans just like the rest of us. Hook would have found out eventually, so it's better that he know from the start."

Starscream growled, but it was anger directed at himself as he dropped his head into his hands. Megatron was right: he  _shouldn't_ be surprised. He should have realized it was only a matter of time before his new status became common knowledge. Why  _wouldn't_ Megatron tell everyone?

"Who else?" he whispered hoarsely. "Who else knows?"

"You, me, Hook and Soundwave. We're the only ones. I'm not as stupid as you like to think - I know what would happen if this became common knowledge, and I would rather avoid it."

The harsh gasping sound that left Starscream's throat probably didn't qualify as a laugh, but he didn't know what else to call it. "You really expect me to  _believe_  that?"

"What would I gain from telling anyone?"

"Well, you've never hesitated to make an  _example_ of me before, so why start now? What better way to show you're done messing around than to  _enslave_  the biggest traitor of them all? First the Combaticons, now me, who's next? The Insecticons? No one's going to step out of line with  _that_ question hanging over their heads, especially when they can see me  _suffering_ -"

"Starscream, enough. You're becoming hysterical."

Starscream fell silent. Not because it was an order, but because Megatron didn't sound at all angry now. He sounded like he had the night before, firm but eerily calm. It was frightening, and Starscream didn't want to know what would happen if he didn't calm down. So he dug his fingers into his head and dragged in the deepest ventilation he could manage, which wasn't very deep. He tried again, but the air felt hot and thick, and seemed to get stuck somewhere inside him.

A hand settled between his shoulders. He swayed dizzily, dropping one of his own hands to floor for balance, but didn't otherwise react to the touch.

"I would have preferred to discuss this behind closed doors," Megatron said, still calmly, "but now that it's come up, I want to make it very clear that this situation is a secret. Soundwave has taken steps to keep it that way-" Starscream flinched, and Megatron's voice hardened slightly, "-and we both know he's capable of covering things up. So you have no reason to panic like this."

Starscream turned his face away. He wanted to know about these "steps" Soundwave had supposedly taken, but doubted Megatron would welcome anything resembling suspicion. There was another question, though, that needed to be answered if Megatron thought he was going to stop panicking.

"Why? Why keep it quiet?"

Instead of answering, Megatron shifted the hand on his back and slid the other arm under his legs, hauling him from the floor again. Starscream yelped, pushing off from Megatron's chest in an attempt to escape, but the arms around him tightened, drawing him back.

"What are you-?"

"Don't argue," Megatron warned. "At your pace we'll never get there."

Starscream couldn't see that as a bad thing, but there wasn't much he could do about it. He shifted restlessly, not enjoying empty air under him when he wasn't supporting himself, but unwilling to latch onto Megatron for insurance the way his instincts urged him to. That felt too much like giving in. He was almost grateful for the distraction when Megatron finally spoke again.

"Do you have any comprehension of what would happen to you if something happened to  _me?"_

Starscream winced and looked away. "I'd be free, of course."

Megatron snorted. "Of me, perhaps. But there's nothing stopping a new master from registering after the original's death. If I died while others knew of your status, any one of them could force themselves on you and take control."

Starscream stilled, optics widening. He'd never stopped to consider  _that_  aspect of slave programs. "How… how do you know Hook or S-Soundwave wouldn't…?"

"I don't," Megatron replied simply. "They won't tell anyone - or try anything - while I live to make them regret it. But if I was gone? They might well take advantage of you, or tell someone who would. They have no reason to protect you."

"Like you do?"

"You seem determined to forget the key point of this situation. You're mine now, and I don't like having my possessions messed with."

"I am not," Starscream countered without thinking.

"That's not what you said last night."

Starscream flinched, shutting off his optics. "Saying something you made me say doesn't make it true," he muttered dully.

Megatron adjusted his grip, pulling Starscream more firmly to his chest. "Perhaps not," he agreed. "But nor can you make a truth go away by denying it. And no matter how many times you deny my ownership, your frame is going to keep obeying me."

It was more than Starscream could do to reply. He was venting more easily now, but was also tired, nauseous, hurting on every possible level, and had no idea what to make of this encounter. Megatron had already made clear his desire to break Starscream, yet now he claimed to be trying to protect him? It made no sense, and was far too similar to the things Soundwave kept saying.

But unlike Soundwave, Megatron at least seemed to acknowledge that he was suffering. And… he  _had_  taken Starscream's side on the issue of hacking sleeping bots. He had even lectured Soundwave, and that never happened. Was it possible that he meant what he said? Was it possible that he truly didn't want Starscream to fall victim to someone else? Or was this just the program encouraging him to find comfort in his "master's" possessiveness?

The fact that he couldn't tell scared him. But he now had an explanation for the secrecy, even if it wasn't one that made sense to him, and it was enough to calm him a little.

He'd almost forgotten they were actually going somewhere until he heard doors slide open. He blearily activated his optics, resetting them a few times against the bright lights of the med bay, then nearly leapt out of Megatron's arms when a dark mass materialized in front of them.

"Where the frag were you?" Skywarp demanded loudly. Starscream only realized the question was meant for him when Skywarp shifted his attention to Megatron without waiting for an answer. "Is he okay? Why are you carrying him?"

"No he isn't," Megatron replied curtly, clearly annoyed by the lack of respect. But he also seemed willing to ignore it, because he continued speaking as he pushed past. "He appears very confused, and panicked when he realized we were coming here. And he was in the Command Center."

"We checked there!" Skywarp protested, reappearing in Starscream's field of vision and giving him an obvious once-over. Starscream glared at him a moment before registering the plural and looking for Thundercracker. But the only other mech he saw was Hook, who was approaching from the back of the room.

"Then clearly you missed each other," Megatron told Skywarp. He deposited Starscream on the first medical berth they came to before turning to Hook. Skywarp was at the berthside an instant later, and was undeterred by Starscream snarling at him.

"You're an idiot," Skywarp informed him quietly, although a light brush of fingers over his wing took the bite out of the words.

"And you're in trouble," Starscream hissed, drawing back. Skywarp ignored him, instead catching hold of his hand to study the dents in his wrist. Starscream jerked free of the loose hold when he realized what was so interesting, but Skywarp had already looked away, narrowing his optics at Megatron's back.

"Are you sure it was panic and not the onset of another crash?" Hook asked, appearing on Starscream's other side. Starscream growled and raised his wings threateningly, backing up along the berth to escape the mechs surrounding him.

"No," Megatron answered simply. "Thus why I felt it necessary to get him here sooner than later. But either way, he is - or  _was_ \- considerably calmer."

The last words were accompanied by a pointed look at Skywarp, who backed away with a huff. Megatron took a step back as well, and though it wasn't nearly enough, Starscream's sense of being trapped eased a little.

"He also confirmed that he collapsed last night," Megatron continued, "so he won't be a part of today's mission. Someone will have to take command of the Seekers in his place."

He was still looking at Skywarp. Skywarp glanced around, as though expecting someone else to be standing near him, then his optics widened.

"Me?"

"I'm sure you can handle it. You already made one good call today, in alerting us to Starscream's condition."

"That's his daily limit," Starscream muttered, deliberately loud enough to be heard. A hand on his arm startled him before he could see Skywarp's reaction. He whirled around, punching Hook in the face. Hook staggered back and Starscream retreated from the edge of the berth, stopping only when he almost fell off the opposite side.

"Starscream," Megatron began warningly, but Hook interrupted.

"No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have scared him."

"I wasn't  _scared_ ," Starscream spat, although he certainly was now. Since when did Hook ever admit to being in the wrong? Why did everyone who knew what had happened to him start acting like a complete stranger?

Then again, why wouldn't they? No one treated slaves the way they did normal bots.

"How long will it take you to figure out what's wrong with him?" Megatron asked as Hook straightened, rubbing his jaw.

"Longer than we have. I could get you the results of physical scans in about twenty minutes. But he was unwell before this, and a deep viral scan takes hours. To say nothing of the time required to check his processor for damage. Of course, all of this depends on how cooperative he is."

Hook cast a glance at Starscream, who glared back with one arm half raised, fist clenched in a silent threat.

"Take as long as you need," Megatron ordered. "I don't want him alone when he's like this, and if all goes according to plan, we won't need Devastator." There was a brief pause, then he added, "Can you handle him on your own?"

Hook's mouth tightened. "I would rather do so, yes."

Starscream glanced between them, feeling strongly like he was missing something important. He turned to Skywarp for a clue, but the other Seeker just shrugged, lowered wings twitching. He looked worried, maybe scared. But Starscream wasn't ready to forgive him for telling Hook what had happened and merely looked away again.

"We'll leave you to your work, then," Megatron said, stepping back from the berth. "Come, Skywarp. We have a battle to win."

Skywarp gave no verbal reply, but after a few seconds Starscream heard the clicking of his thrusters follow Megatron's heavier footsteps. Starscream peered over his shoulder, watching until the med bay doors sealed behind them. Then he slid from the berth, standing shakily but unaided, and slowly circled around it, optics fixed on Hook.


End file.
